“It does matter.”
Maybe you have to love me to make me say it!
His tense body softens. “That was quite a long sentence. Can you write it too?” he whispers, a smile in his voice.
I do what he asked.
“I still don’t think I understand. Once more.”
Cheeky devil!
Now he gets serious again. “You know this isn’t going to end well, yet you still want it?” he asks softly.
I recall the third girl who didn’t survive his rescue attempt, so I repress the thought. I don’t want to know, not tonight, even if that might be a mistake. “Yes,” I whisper and press my nails into his skin invitingly. The next moment, he pulls me so tightly against him that my breath catches in my chest. “You really want it, baby?”
Instead of a second yes, I kiss him. He returns the kiss so deeply and passionately that I become dizzy. My knees threaten to buckle, and I’m caught up in a sweet, beguiling rush. Suddenly, I’m certain he loves me—whether what he said about the girls is true or not.
When he lets go of me, we look at each other. “Okay,” he whispers. “This time, I won’t stop.”
My heart starts racing. I barely notice him pulling the sweater over my head. I’m not wearing anything underneath. He pauses for a few breaths while he looks at me, his pupils dilating, turning his eyes black.
Everything inside me is shaking. For a moment, I think of Chester and the toilet, but then River reaches out a hand to me and touches me below my collarbone with his fingertips. He writes something on my skin. It tickles, and ten thousand volts rush through my core.
I can’t decipher it, so I look at him questioningly. He writes it again and says the words. “You... are... so... beautiful.” His voice sounds hoarse, but I don’t think he’s aware of how healing those words are for me. His hands stroke past my breasts, over my ribs, and rest on my waist. “Never let anyone tell you otherwise.” We stand there like that for a few seconds, and my breathing becomes shallow. “Don’t be afraid, Tucks.” Suddenly, he lets go of me. “I know you don’t want to talk about it, but I need to know something before we... Did Ches... did my brother ever... did he force you to do this?”
I swallow as tears well up in my eyes. Slowly, I shake my head. “N-no.”He wanted to, but didn’t...I write it on his skin. That’s all I want to tell him.
He nods.
Don’t be angry now. Please.
It’s hard, but I’ll try.
Write a nice word. To calm down.I draw a smiley face behind it.
Angry-sparkling-kisses.
Without anger!!!
Sparkling kisses.
Accepted.
The next moment, River takes my face in his hands and kisses me, and despite my anger at his brother, I feel the relief in it. When he lets go of me, we look at each other, and I feel closer to him than ever before.
Now what?I ask with my eyes.
“You could rip my clothes off. That’d help!” River winks at me. He’s just too good to be true.
I nod nervously. I’m much more afraid than I want to admit. I say I want him, yet I’m terribly afraid of him in a way. Shaking, I pull the shirt over his head, toss it on the floor, and let my fingers glide over his bare chest. His skin is still damp from the wet fabric.
River inhales deeply, then holds my hands against his heart. His gaze is so deep, penetrating all my layers into my unprotected heart. “Never be afraid of it if you want it too. Not of it.” He squeezes my fingers. “Close your eyes.”
I do what he says, and a brief moment later, I feel his hands painting letters on my bare skin. Many, many beautiful words, as if we’ve captured eternity in this room, as if in a bubble in which we float.
Dream-magic-cocoon. Moonlight-kisses. Some words I recognize, some will remain his secret forever. A hundred times, I love you. He strips off my jeans and his pants and writes words on my legs, my bottom, and the soles of my feet. We giggle. We laugh—him loudly, me quietly. My fear dissolves. I write my favorite words on his forehead, his upper arms, and his legs. We kiss, and I feel a shiver of longing for something I don’t know.
I feel this is right, so right, whether it is the beginning or the end. It’s the answer to a question I’ve never asked, one that only my soul knows. And when River kisses me again, I know that a part of me will love him forever. For this summer and for this moment, I belong to him, and he belongs to me, and nothing can change that.