He was happy that Helia had fully accepted the terms of their relationship, and having an outlet for their attraction made it easier to be in her company—especially since he could barely keep his hands off her. It was a shield between him and Helia while they safely explored their physical connection without any risk of growing attached. But still, every kiss, every taste of her drew him in. So he knew sex was still too big a risk. That kind of intimacy with Helia would be different from anything he had before, and he had to protect himself.
He heaved a sigh. This would take a great deal of getting used to.
What made it all the more unbearable was the fact that his wife was asleep in his arms. A more perfect sight he couldn’t imagine, and it was the reason he had struggled through yet another night without much sleep.
The nights, he found, were the hardest.
In his previous life Vasili hadn’t minded sleeping next to his conquests, because he’d known they would be gone as soon as the sun was up and he would have little or nothing to do with them again. With Helia it was much, much different. She was meant to be his partner, and he was growing fond of her, but sleeping in the same bed as her for the sake of appearances without the excuse of sex still felt far too intimate. As if he was inviting her into his heart for her company. For her heart. To create a bond.
He couldn’t have that.
Not when all he’d experienced was being cast aside when he’d craved a bond with his family. When he’d been young and naïve and had trusted that they would be there for him and love him even if they were busy. It had never happened, and it had taught him a lesson to keep his heart walled off. To forsake the bonds that people usually sought.
So he couldn’t lower his guard, which meant he never relaxed enough to rest, and therefore was continuously tormented by her presence in the dark.
‘Helia,’ he called gently as he pulled away from her. ‘We have an appearance to make.’
As he had been instructed, Andreas had ensured that the orphanage was ready for their visit.
She groaned, burrowing deeper into her pillow. Vasili curled his hands into fists, fighting the urge to brush her hair away from her face.
‘You don’t want to keep the children waiting.’
‘No.’ She yawned, stretching her body, and Vasili couldn’t help himself. He pulled her under him, kissing the strip of her exposed stomach. Kissing a path up her torso until his lips locked with hers.
‘A girl could get used to this sort of wake-up.’
‘A queen,’ he said, low-voiced in her ear. ‘And you’d better get out of this bed before I keep us both here indefinitely.’
It was so much easier to fall into passion. To ease the ache of want with physicality that still allowed him his barriers.
‘Don’t threaten me with a good time, Vasili.’ She grinned.
‘Are you ready for today?’
It was one thing for her to be a queen within the palace walls, quite another to be one in public.
‘I think I am. Andreas went over the itinerary and what is expected of me. I think I’m prepared.’
‘There will be media.’
He could see her tense. The apprehension in her face.
‘I’m sure I’ll manage.’
‘You don’t have to manage, Helia. If it becomes too much, lean on me. Understood?’
He was far more experienced at dealing with all the attention, and truthfully still felt a twinge of guilt for having brought Helia into this mess. The least he could do was make it easier on her. Vasili was aware that there was still a chance that this life could turn him into someone like his parents, so he would choose to be different—and being considerate of his wife was one of those choices.
‘Yes,’ she said.
She placed her hand on his cheek, and he felt his body responding to the warm touch. If he didn’t leave the bed now, he wasn’t going to.
Vasili waited in the palace hall dressed in a blue suit. Everything had been picked out for him. Every piece considered for the image the palace wanted to present. He could only imagine what Helia would be put through this morning. He hoped Andreas and Carissa were going easy on her. It ground on his nerves, the way they treated her, and he would very soon be having a conversation with both of them.
Thankfully, he wasn’t allowed to stew for very long as Helia descended the grand staircase, looking an absolute vision. Her hair had been left curly and loose, pulled back, away from her face. Her make-up had been done softly enough that the woman he’d been on honeymoon with was still clearly on display. And that dress... White satin flowed over her body to her narrow waist, where it flared out in pale blue and green flowers to her calves. He wanted to run his hands all over her. Place them on that narrow waist and whisk her away somewhere they could be alone.
‘Beautiful,’ he said.
