‘Eddie, please,’ she said. ‘You can’t leave.’
‘Roe!’ Eddie whirled around. ‘I’m not the one leaving, sweets,’ he snarled. ‘This is for you. I don’t care where you go, but I can’t be in the same building as you right now. If you have any opinions on the shit you wanna bring with you, I suggest you get moving. Esther and Philip are coming over.’
Ah, of course they are. Nice to have a commiseration squad that will fly in at a moment’s notice to take your side in a bust-up.
She swept the catty thought aside. She needed to do something: she was watching her relationship disintegrate.
‘Eddie, please. I want to talk.’ She’d barely finished the sentence when Eddie slammed the pair of trainers he was carrying onto the floor between them.
‘Nowyouwant to talk so we’ll talk, is that it?’
‘I just, I feel like I need to tell you—’
‘Nah, I’m not listening, Roe.’ Eddie reefed Roe’s kimono off the back of the door and rolled it up. ‘Your turn to see how insanely frustrating it is dealing with someone who will not be honest. I gave you every chance to tell me what you were thinking about the baby thing. I begged you to tell me how you felt.’
‘I know. And I didn’t. I know that.’ She grabbed the kimono back. ‘Can you go easy? This is vintage.’ She gently refolded it and placed it in the suitcase. ‘I’ll go, Eddie. I know you need space. But can you please hear me for one minute? The baby thing was freaking me out. And I was scared to be honest about that. Being honest with the people I love hasn’t always worked out so well—’
‘Nuh-uh.’ Eddie was back at the drawers, drop-kicking socks and underwear towards the suitcase. ‘You don’t get to blame everything on your cold, repressed parents, Roe. Everyone has stuff. At some point, you have to be your own person and own your own bullshit. And fucking tell a guy that you don’t want a baby with him.’
‘I wasn’t ready, Eddie.’ Fear tore through her. ‘Eddie, I’m so sorry. I know it’s probably not the time to be saying it, but I think something good has come from this.’ Her words rushed out. ‘I feel so much more confident now. I know it sounds silly, but being in the musical has really made me feel much more sure of myself. You don’t understand what that has meant for me.’
‘Roe, you’ve just destroyed me and our life. And you’re talking about that musical?’ Eddie ceased his rage-packing and dropped abruptly onto the pouffe in the middle of the room. ‘Am I really such an unreasonable asshole that you had to lie to me and pretend to “go along” with me?’
‘No, babe, I love you.’ Roe moved to stroke his hair but Eddie flicked her hand away.
‘All your Snag List friends and the Life and Soullers were laughing at me, no doubt. Dumb prick Eddie trying to get Roe pregnant.’
‘They didn’t know!’
‘Who does this?’ He threw out a bitter laugh.
Roe debated answering.Someone who’s scared, she wanted to say.
‘Seriously, did you get this idea from somewhere? Did Lindy suggest it as part of her ridiculous life-coaching schtick?’
‘No!’
‘I googled it, you know.’ He held up his phone. ‘There was no one on the whole goddam fucking internet searching “my wife took the morning-after pill without telling me”.’
‘Did you try rephrasing it?’ The joke came out in a thoughtless rush. ‘I’m sorry.’ Roe dropped her gaze. ‘That joke was a reflex.’ She shook her head –This is so grim.
‘Roe.’ Eddie’s voice was measured but still taut with anger. ‘Do you know what I’ve gleaned from the last twenty-four hours? People-pleasers are the true psychopaths. In theory, a people-pleaser could be a good person to have around. They’ll “go along” with things. They seem amenable. But people-pleasers never take responsibility for their own lives. They never assert what it is that they want, so then when something doesn’t go their way, they can blame everyone but themselves. That’s handy, right, Roe? It’s never your fault because you were just trying to do what I wanted. Perfect. Perfect fucking strategy.’
‘I’m sorry,’ Roe whispered, willing tears not to fall. Crying, she sensed, would not go over well with Eddie right now. She wrapped her arms around herself. She’d have to go somewhere. To Ailbhe’s maybe? Though with Tom arriving the next day it may not work. And Lindy had enough on her hands. Maybe Danny would have her?
The doorbell rang and Eddie stood, irritable. ‘It’s my parents.’ He looked at her bag at his feet. ‘Will you just leave?’
Roe pressed her lips together and gazed at the floor. ‘Yeah.’
The doorbell chimed again. Eddie’s eyes flicked to the bedroom door. He seemed torn, rooted in place. ‘There’s something I need to know before you go.’
‘Yes?’ A fresh dread unsettled her.
‘How?’ Eddie asked.
The word hung before Roe like the blade of a guillotine. Why was he making her say it again?
‘Eddie, you know. I took the—’
