As they reached the house, Tilly started bitching for booby and Ailbhe lifted her from the seat, smiling. ‘We survived! Thank you for not being a complete D-bag in the car!’ Tilly was working her perfect little cherry lips around her tiny fist and giving a cute little agitated cry. ‘I’ve to feed this,’ Ailbhe called back to the other two.
‘Cool, we’ll bring in your stuff.’
Ailbhe started up the steps leading to the large wooden wraparound veranda. It was a white clapboard lodge, set just back from the dunes that bordered the resort’s private beach.
‘This is stunning.’ Eddie and Roe followed behind.
Inside the house, Ailbhe, cradling Tilly, located Lindy upstairs unpacking Max’s suitcase in the smallest of the six bedrooms. Ailbhe sat on the bed and unhitched the left side of her nursing bra. Tilly latched gratefully like she’d never been fed in her life. ‘How are you?’
‘I’m taking Max rock climbing!’ She seemed unexpectedly energised. ‘You’re too young to come, sweetie,’ she cooed at Tilly.
‘Lindy!’ Roe had joined them and immediately pulled Lindy into a hug, which Lindy tolerated for a couple of minutes then resumed her stacking of T-shirts in drawers.
‘Are you sure you’re all right?’ Ailbhe peered at her.
‘Yes. No. Who cares?’ She slammed the drawer closed and roughly wiped her face.
‘Aw, Lindy.’ Roe made to hug her again but Lindy held her at bay.
‘I’m not upset. These are rage tears. Everything will be fine. I’m going to talk to Max and figure out what he needs. It will all be fine – at least I know the truth now. No more being lied to,’ she insisted. ‘I have to go and climb a sheer rock face. Fuck the world!’
She clattered down the stairs calling for Max.
Ailbhe and Roe exchanged concerned looks. ‘At least she sounds like herself? Kinda.’
Obviously Lindy was destroyed by the videos of Adam and Rachel, but even for Roe and Ailbhe, witnessing it had been destabilising, inciting, as it did, a fair bit of reflection on the state of their own marriages. It was like being in a leaky boat and watching theTitanicgo down in front of you.
Roe looked worried. ‘I can’t stop thinking about it.’
‘I know …’ Ailbhe breathed. ‘You heard what she said? “No more being lied to” – poor Lindy, Jesus. What must that feel like?’ She fussed at Tilly’s bib, suddenly aware of Roe’s eyes on her. ‘I know, I’m a hypocrite. But my lie is a lie toprotectpeople.’
‘Ailbh—’
‘Really, Roe. It is. And not just protect me. It’s for Tilly. And Tom. He loves her. Whatever I could’ve done differently – done better – at the beginning, it’s too late now. He loves this child. Regardless of biology, sheishis child. And I have to live with this lie. I cannot ruin her chance of getting to have a father like Tom. And I am making myself better for Tom – nearly twenty days booze-free over here!’
‘Ailbhe, you giving up drinking doesn’t cancel out the lie. You know that, right? This not drinking isn’t some kind of penance, is it?’
‘OK, yes. I think when I first thought of it it totally was. I thought it was how I could maybe make myself worthy of him. But since I’ve been reading about this and going back to AA meetings, I’ve actually been finding things in common with the people and their stories. Lots of people with lots of chaos behind them in the years they’d been drinking. And I guess, that is me to a degree. I’m still not sure if I’m a full-on alcoholic – maybe more of a “problem drinker”? Though there’s one question that keeps coming up: “If you have a drink do you find it easy to stop at just one or two?” That struck a nerve. I was, like, “Of course not. But no one can!” But now I’m thinking maybe some people can?’
Roe laughed gently. ‘Yes. They can, pal.’
Ailbhe nodded and smiled tightly. ‘Yep, I’m gathering that. Anyway, wanna come help me give Tilly her bath? It is so cute. Baby-sloth levels of cuteness.’
In the bathroom, Ailbhe poured baby bubbles into the water.
‘Are you sure it’s OK for me to have this?’ Roe cocked her G&T towards Ailbhe.
‘Of course, I am a reformed woman, remember? Ish. Hopefully? LOL, I’m, like, ten minutes without wine in my system and I think I’m a saint.’
Roe was perched on the edge of the bath while Ailbhe knelt on the floor, leaning over the side to soap the little chubby limbs, eliciting squeals and chortles from Tilly. It was the highlight of every day. Ailbhe gazed down at her daughter. ‘This kind of makes up for that midnight howling you’re so fond of, babes. Kind of.’
‘It’s nice seeing you in mum-mode.’ Roe took out her phone and snapped a couple of pictures.
‘Thank you. I think I’m finally getting the hang! But it’s going by so fast – I can’t believe how big she is already compared with when she was born.’
Roe gulped back her G&T so quickly she managed to slop some into the bath. ‘Sorry, sorry.’ She wiped her chin and reached down to swill the bath-water a bit. ‘That’ll be all right, won’t it?’
‘It’ll probably be a sleep aid.’ Ailbhe shrugged. ‘Why are you Thirsty McHoundTheBooze tonight?’
