‘Nothing.’ Roe stared down at her phone, speed-scrolling past Ailbhe’s number. ‘I’m so sorry, I thought I had it. I just changed phones. My contacts are all messed up.’ Roe started slipping towards the door. ‘I’ll see you over the weekend. And thanks again about your friend.’
Out in the car park, Roe reeled. What was Ailbhe up to? How was she with Seb a year ago? What age was Tilly? She pushed the thoughts aside.I don’t have the bandwidth for Ailbhe’s shit right now – what about the West End thing? I could be pregnant.She struggled to breathe as a swamp of feelings churned inside her.I cannot be pregnant right now. However slim the odds are, I cannot miss this opportunity.Thoughts of the chance at the West End had her feeling kamikaze. She checked her taxi app. The driver was still a few minutes away. She googled the Craghanmor pharmacy opening hours. She had twenty minutes till they closed.
20
ON THE ATTIC FLOOR OF AILBHE’S HOUSE, LINDY was laying out the boxes of mushrooms and the carefully worded release forms, which she’d had Patrick draw up on her newly designed Snag List headed stationery, on the carpet in front of three miniature brightly coloured chairs. Up here they’d created an insanely elaborate playroom for Tilly, the child who’d yet to sit up.
In front of Ailbhe’s spot, Lindy placed a tea-pot and some milk and sugar. She’d never brewed mushroom tea before and wasn’t sure how you took it. Ailbhe must know. She’d texted Lindy the day before to say she wouldn’t be eating the mushrooms but that she’d have tea. Lindy didn’t blame her – the mushrooms in the box looked like gnarled bits of tree trunk:gross. In the end, they hadn’t been able to pick them as they wouldn’t be in season till the autumn. A bit of digging online and she’d actually managed to order some using Discord. It felt way too iffy to have them sent to Monteray so Finn had kindly stepped up. Lindy was a bit nervous about the mushrooms but Eileen and Roe were so enthusiastic and had insisted that if anything went awry, it would never come back to The Snag List. Lindy added some to Ailbhe’s tea-pot and then added boiling water from the kettle she’d relocated to the corner of the attic for the evening in case Ailbhe needed a top-up.
‘This place is amazing!’ Lindy called as Eileen bustled in.
‘I know, it’s bonkers when we may not even be staying here, but Tom wants Tilly to have everything.’ She gestured to the veritable zoo of huge stuffed animals grouped just beyond the vast ball pit, mini bouncy castle and a swing set. ‘Mad altogether – if any child actually played with them and they fell, we’d probably be looking at a serious injury.’
‘Well,’ Lindy arranged Snag List branded pens beside each form, ‘I’m not sure if you are aware, but this is basically the single greatest location for a mushroom trip of all time. Things can get very playful!’
‘Love,’ Eileen came and gave Lindy a little squeeze on the arm, ‘thank you so much for this. I am so excited!’
‘Yeah, I can imagine. Though drugs were never really my thing. Adam and I did ayahuasca one time when we were still travelling. I didn’t love it. I threw up and sharted at the same time. I can still remember Adam’s horror. But, sure, barely a year later he was watching me doing the exact same thing in the delivery room giving birth to Max!’
‘Oh, Christ, I’m glad we’re all girls here!’ Eileen said. ‘Should we be donning incontinence pads? I’m too young for that.’
‘Nah, nah, mushrooms are way less intense. You’ll have a fab time, and I’m here to mind everyone. I’ll be the designated non-high chaperone, ready to keep you all safe while you enjoy some good, clean fun in this child’s playroom.’
‘Right,’ Ailbhe called as she bounded up the stairs two at a time. ‘I’ve settled Tilly with the babysitter. Same lad who does the bar. He double jobs all the time for a bit of cash in hand. He tells me the Monteray parents don’t like the Monteray babysitting service because they’re paro that they’re taking notes! I mean, we know the parent piss-ups can get a bit Jude Law–Sadie Frost. I’d say he’s seen it all at this stage. Nice to know we’re not the only ones in desperate pursuit of our youth.’
‘Speak for yourself! I am very young.’ Ailbhe turned to find Roe behind her on the stairs, grinning up at her indignantly.
‘OK.’ Lindy clapped her hands together and herded them to the three tiny chairs. ‘We’re all very young and vital. No matter how old we are or how stagnant our relationships feel, life, as The Snag List shows us, is still full of possibilities for adventure, for getting to know ourselves better, for righting our wrongs of the past.’
‘She’s a pro, always on message,’ Roe whispered as Ailbhe poured some tea from the pot.
Ailbhe was surprised she wasn’t feeling at all envious of the other two doing their shrooms. Things had been so messy lately, the last thing she wanted was to add drugs into the mix. She’d been working hard at avoiding the wine. Things were so tense with Tom. It’d been nearly two weeks since he’d got on the plane without her. He said his lawyers were smoothing things with her visa, but there were still no plans for her joining him in America. It felt like everything was in danger of teetering towards disaster, and Ailbhe had taken to avoiding his calls just so she couldn’t make anything worse.
Roe, she spotted, had already cracked open her box of shrooms. ‘You are eager, little Roe!’
‘Yeah.’ Roe looked a bit sheepish. ‘Eddie thinks I’m at choir so I need to get high and then not high in time to get home later on. Listen, Ailbhe …’
Ailbhe couldn’t make out Roe’s tone.Concern mixed with—
‘You and Seb had a thing, didn’t you?’
Suspicion. Fuck, it was concern mixed with suspicion. Ailbhe sipped her tea for something to do. It tasted bizarre but she swallowed it back, trying to form an answer for Roe. ‘Oh, that was years ago.’ Ailbhe was careful to keep her tone as casual as possible.
‘He said it wasayear ago,’ Roe whispered. ‘Thirteen months to be exact.’ Roe held out her phone open on a post from Ailbhe in the Snag List WhatsApp. It was Tilly beside a teddy cuddling a heart that Tom had bought for her. The heart read: ‘I am four months old today!’ ‘Got a bit of a life snag yourself there, Ailbhe?’
‘Roe …’
‘I’m not judging, Ailbhe. I amdefinitelyin no position to judge. I don’t know what the hell you have going on. But I just wanted to warn you that he was asking me for your number and … I dunno … I guess I’m here? If you need to talk.’
‘Take up your boxes, gals!’ They both started at Lindy’s booming voice. ‘And your tea, Ailbhe!’
My tea? What the fuck.Ailbhe sniffed at the mug.Oh no …She pulled the tea-pot closer and peered in: no tea-bags just some ominous, oozy mushrooms stewing at the bottom.Oh. Shit.
Lindy was walking around the perimeter of the huge room. ‘Are we all feeling prepared for several hours of altered consciousness?’
No!Ailbhe felt helpless.Should I try and make myself sick? Gross. It’s probably already too late. Oh God, what the hell.It could be an official last hurrah, she decided. It didn’t have to derail anything.
‘Send any last-minute texts now and then phones on airplane mode, please. To give you all a little idea of what’s coming, I’ve done some research.’ Lindy began to read from her phone: ‘At lower doses, the mushrooms will provide a pleasant, mind-altering trip. In higher doses, they can open the doors of perception.’ Lindy adopted a mystical voice and Ailbhe had to stifle a giggle. ‘Mushrooms can give valuable insights into the surrounding world, the reality in which you exist and the one beyond. Stop laughing, Ailbhe – I’m setting the scene here,’ she scolded from the other side of the colourful ball pit.
