‘Ma’am, can you step out of line, please?’ A solid-looking officer in his fifties had opened the retractable belt that surrounded the queuing area and beckoned to Ailbhe just before they reached the booth they needed to pass through to get to the gate and board their plane.
Shite. This couldn’t be the outstanding fine business, could it?Ailbhe smiled at Tom, who looked curious but not anxious, and stepped out of the queue.
‘Ma’am, I need to ask you to please cover yourself.’ The officer spoke out of the corner of his mouth and didn’t quite meet her eye.
‘What?’ Ailbhe was momentarily stunned. She’d read things occasionally online about people being dicks about breastfeeding in public, but having conducted almost her entire career of being a mother in the contained confines of Monteray Valley, which was practically a manufacturing plant for human young, she herself had never encountered anything other than the wistful smiles of other mothers and benign awkwardness of scattered dads.
‘Ma’am, please keep your voice down. We have a dedicated—’
‘Keep my voice down?’ Ailbhe responded, involuntarily raising her voice. ‘What are you talking about?’
‘Is there a problem here?’ Another younger officer had joined them. Meanwhile Tilly, upon hearing her mother’s tone, relinquished the nipple and began roaring inside the sling.
‘No, there’s no problem, Eric,’ the original officer replied. ‘I was just going to show this lady to the—’
‘Oh, we have a fucking problem, Eric.’ Ailbhe couldn’t believe them. ‘I am minding my business breastfeeding my baby, which is the WHO recommended method of feeding her. And this … this …’ Ailbhe scrounged for something derogatory but not OTT. ‘Thismanis telling me to cover up.’
‘Your passport now, ma’am.’ Another officer had joined them.
‘Oh it’s “ma’am” now, is it?’ Ailbhe knew she was being a bit confrontational, but she was clammy and embarrassed and didn’t quite know how to row back on the whole situation. She plunged through her bag hunting for her passport – tricky with Tilly still in the sling screaming and adding a further layer of stress to the interaction. As she came up with the passport, it flicked awkwardly from her hand. This looked most unfortunately like a throw, not helped by the fact that it glanced off the side of Officer Eric’s head.
‘Ma’am! Hands where I can see them,’ the original officer shouted.
‘Request back-up,’ the latest officer spoke into his radio set as he checked on Officer Eric, who was cradling his head and had slumped to his knees.
‘This is ridiculous.’ Ailbhe held her hands aloft. ‘It was an accident. It barely tipped him.’
‘Do not throw items at an on-duty officer.’ The original officer grabbed the passport from the ground and marched away to the booths.
‘What the hell is going on?’ Tom appeared by her side looking freaked. ‘Ailbhe,’ he murmured to her, ‘American cops are serious. You have to show some respect, not throw your passport at them like a petulant kid.’
‘I did not throw it—’
‘Sir?’ Officer Eric was recovered and now glaring at Tom. ‘Sir? What’s your business here?’
‘I’m sorry, officer, this is my wife. She’s Irish,’ he announced, apparently believing this to be some kind of explanation. Ailbhe jigged the baby indignantly.
The original officer, whose name badge read ‘West’, arrived back brandishing her passport.
‘This lad was trying to make me cover up the breastfeeding,’ Ailbhe finally managed to explain. ‘Like, it’s not on. You can’t have one lot of men in the World Health Organization being all “breast is best” and then this lot of men telling me to put my tits away.’
‘No one was referencing your breasts in any way, ma’am,’ Officer West spoke coolly. ‘I was simply seeking to inform you of the breastfeeding facilities available to you.’ He extended his arm to indicate a discreet booth bearing a mother and baby symbol. ‘However, it’s since come to my attention that this isn’t your first altercation on US soil.’
Oh fucking fuck!Ailbhe could kick herself.
‘I just ran a search on your name and I’m afraid there’s an outstanding warrant for your arrest.’
‘This has to be a mistake,’ Tom interjected. ‘My wife’s never been arrested. She’s never even been to America.’
‘You might need to check your sources on that, sir. This is an outstanding warrant dating from an unpaid fine in the state of California in 2001.’
‘Oh, hell, Ailbhe!’ Tom rounded on her, looking furious. ‘Did you know about this? Why didn’t you tell me? Did you lie on the form?’ He turned back to the officers. ‘Didn’t this come up when they processed the tourist visa application?’
‘Sometimes those guys are sloppy,’ Officer West cut in. ‘Sloppy like your wife here back in 2001.’ He laughed heartily until he noticed no one was joining in. ‘Ahem.’ He straightened himself out. ‘According to our report she was suspected of being under the influence and was acting in an erratic and disorderly manner.’
‘Officers, I have a plane to catch. I presume my wife won’t be flying today?’
‘No, sir, we’ll need to process this arrest and discuss escorting her to the US to face possible charges.’
