‘Since that cocaine party for the chisler, I’ve been thinking about acid,’ Eileen continued, ignoring her daughter while Rachel looked mildly abashed.
‘Acid! No, Mam, you can’t just suddenly do acid. You’ve never even smoked a spliff. That would be going from nought to ninety.’
‘I have smoked a joint, Ailbhe! Of course I have. Though I thought it was just a normal ciggie. Didn’t know what was happening, then I ate two boxes of Findus Crispy Pancakes. Would you do something like that for my snag list, Lindy? I’d pay your rate, of course.’
‘Eh—’ Lindy seemed at a loss for words.
‘Mam, Lindy can’t get you drugs. It’s illegal.’
‘Yeah,’ Lindy agreed. ‘It’d be tricky for the books. And Ailbhe’s right, maybe acid might be a bit hardcore. What about magic mushrooms? That’d be easier to swing all round. We can just pick them and we wouldn’t be, ya know, supporting criminality. And I could put your snag through the books as … foraging? Perfect!’
‘Perfect, except my mam will be tripping for the first time and I’m gonna miss it,’ Ailbhe whined.
‘Well, a small price to pay for escaping to the real Monterey Valley rather than living in this bargain-bin version,’ Roe remarked. ‘The most escaping we’re doing this summer is the dreaded … Monteray Vacay.’
Roe and Lindy both looked pained.
‘What’s that?’ Holly asked Roe.
‘It’s a high-end prison like this one, only with sea views. It’s basically a replica compound in Waterford with holiday gaffs. Me and Lindy are going with our various balls and chains for the August bank holiday.’
‘So you all live here together and then go on holidays there en masse?’ Holly looked baffled.
‘Yeah.’ Lindy nodded in a resigned fashion. ‘It has its advantages, I guess. Like, at least you know the food’ll be good. And there’s no need to do any leg work. Babysitters, private chefs – all the stuff we have here, they’ll have there.’
‘Wow.’ Holly shook her head. ‘Monteray is really something, isn’t it?’
Ailbhe was glad when her mother swung the conversation back to her apparently imminent drug trip.
‘I am so excited!’ Eileen gushed. ‘I’ve never really cut loose. I had Ailbhe very young and there just wasn’t the support there for younger single mothers at the time. So I never got out much during those years when all my friends were experimenting … Thank you so much, Lindy.’
‘It’s my pleasure, and the more case studies the better for when I launch. Though, let me do some research. I’m not even sure when mushrooms are in season. We could be talking about a major wait.’
‘Maybe …’ Rachel tentatively spoke for the first time since she arrived. ‘Would you take me on too, Lindy? I have a snag. Though,’ she glanced around at the others, ‘it’s confidential.’
Lindy looked wary but nodded slowly. ‘Sure, I can book you in for a consultation, I guess.’
Ailbhe would miss the low-grade Monteray Valley intrigue.Lindy and Roe had better keep me updated after I’m gone. Oh God, provided all goes well with emigration tomorrow.Ailbhe downed her glass to subdue the nerves. She needed to get on that bloody plane if only to get this relentless anxiety to piss off.
17
AT THE AIRPORT THE NEXT MORNING, AILBHE STILL felt groggy. She wearily scrolled Insta while she waited for Tom to come back with coffees. The DMs notification was drawing her in with the pull of a black hole. Seb had already messaged twice asking why she hadn’t been at the last few rehearsals, and she hadn’t responded. She had literally two more hours until she would be free from it all. Tilly was graciously cooperating with her mother’s hangover by sitting quietly blinking in her pram. Things had escalated at the goodbye lunch from giddy to nostalgic and tipsy. She was gutted she wouldn’t see Roe’s inaugural performance. She would miss Holly, and Roe and Lindy. They’d become so much more than just stepping-stone friends, and she was now feeling apprehensive about starting over again in Morgan Hill. Tom insisted that the wives and girlfriends of his various colleagues would welcome her with enthusiasm, but Ailbhe didn’t like the idea of being essentiallygivento a group of women who were all only friends because of the men they’d chosen to sleep with and procreate with.
‘Ailbhe? Honey, you think you should give Tilly her booby now before we go through the gate?’ He handed her her coffee.
‘She’s totally fine, Tom. If she wanted a boob we’d all know about it, believe me.’ He was constantly fussing over the baby – it was sweet. Tom, Ailbhe sensed, was just days away from whipping out some cue cards and trying to hothouse the child into being one of those spelling-bee children they had in America.
‘OK, if you’re sure, hon. Let’s go through to departures then. Even with the gold-member fast track we’re a little tight on time.’
Naturally, in the passport control queue, Tilly committed mother–daughter treason and began squawking in a demanding fashion. Shite. Ailbhe couldn’t get over the insubordination.We’re supposed to be on the same team, she thought as she furiously began pulling on the cloth wrap she used to carry her daughter.Great, now I have to tit and emigrate – it’s all very coffin ship all of a sudden. Tilly was now crying hysterically, as though it’d been weeks rather than an hour and a half since she’d been fed, and Ailbhe was instantly sweating. It must be some weird primordial biological reaction that the fervent cries caused her to suddenly become so frantic and clammy – Ailbhe felt like ripping her clothes off.
‘It’s actually an act of societal violence that I’m supposed to try to breastfeed discreetly,’ she raged to Tom. ‘It’s already the most awkward thing in the world – way to make it even harder by demanding that I keep it under a cover.’
‘Ah, she’s a hungry lil baby,’ Tom cooed proudly into the wrap, as Ailbhe manhandled her right boob out of her top and into the baby’s mouth. At the first whiff of nipple, the greedy little gob clapped over it and the shrieking mercifully ceased. ‘Also, less of the violence talk, honey, we don’t want to attract any more attention.’ He smiled around at the various armed officials manning the cordoned-off queue snaking its way through the enormous vestibule. ‘Welcome to the United States of America’ was emblazoned overhead, flanked by the eagle emblem of her husband’s home country. American flags were also dotted around the hall lest anyone be in any doubt that, while still in Ireland, they were officially on American soil.
‘It’s all so bombastic, isn’t it?’ she whispered, at last feeling a twinge of excitement through the haze of hangover.
‘That’s the States for ya. Wait till we get to Morgan Hill – everyone’s got flags on the lawn. You’ll be reciting the Declaration of Independence before ya know it. I’m so excited for your first Fourth of July weekend.’ He gave her an excited squeeze. The queue shuffled along and Tilly continued sucking contentedly.
