The backing track started up and Roe missed her first cue. Fuck. She scrambled after the music to pick up the thread of the melody and desperately tried to ignore Michael Holland openly wincing.
A few lines on and Roe had the song back in her grasp: she was OK.Just be in the moment, she ordered herself.Forget about the crowd and just sing. And she did, her voice swooping perfectly up the notes of the iconic number fromWicked. Even caught up in the song, she could see that fuckstick Michael Holland actually sitting up straighter.Yes!she thought triumphantly.Maybe don’t be so quick to judge next time, prick.
As the melody hit its powerful conclusion, she sang with utter freedom and abandon. She was doing it! Róisín was beaming, and as Roe leaned into her final triumphant notes, a potent excitement engulfed her. She’d done it. And by the looks on their faces, not to mention the awed hush that had descended on the room, she’d be doing it again. And again and again. There was no way she wasn’t going to get cast. It was just like the song said, everyone deserves a chance to fly and this was hers.
As the final line reverberated through the hall, the assembled crowd burst into extravagant applause and Roe finally stopped and caught her breath. She tried to smile but to her horror tears sprang to her eyes. Why had she never let herself do this? Why had she been so paralysed by the thoughts of failure?
‘Very good, Roe. Thank you.’ Michael was bland in his tone but Roe didn’t care – he was clearly annoyed at her showing him up.
As she made her way back down the stage steps, other singers mobbed her.
‘Holy mother of God, in the name of Patti LuPone, Roe! Why have you been hiding that talent all this time?’
‘Roe, jaysus! That was epic!’
‘You could be in the West End. Genuinely.’
‘Roe!’ Lindy was skipping down the auditorium steps. ‘That was incredible. I filmed it so you’ll have it forever. How do you feel?’
‘A bit sick but maybe in the good way. Like I’m high. I think I need to get outside.’ Roe put her head down and charged through the crowds congratulating her. She wanted to bask in their praise but she also felt under siege. The magic of performing was already draining away, and she was hit once again by disbelief at the betrayal she’d committed in order to stand on that stage. She broke free of the hall, fleeing across the reception area and outside into the beginnings of a downpour. She could feel Lindy following behind.
‘Roe, it’s raining. Come back inside. What’s wrong? That could not have gone better, you do realise that?’
‘I know,’ Roe wailed. She wanted to tell Lindy what she’d done, how she was lying to Eddie, but with everything going on in Lindy’s own marriage, she didn’t know how Lindy would take it. Spousal deception was probably not something she’d be too sympathetic to right now.
‘Roe, you absolutely nailed the singing audition. We’re going to way-off-Broadway, I’m sure of it! I know you’re nervous but I’ll be here to coach you every step of the way.’ Lindy pressed on with the encouragement. ‘And this is so exciting, Roe. You’re going to do something you’ve been dreaming about for years.’
She’s right, this is huge and I do deserve it. And if not now, then it really will be never.
She had to put the pregnancy-dodging out of her mind. It was only a small secret, she wasn’t lying as such, and after the show – if she did get it – she could stop with the contraception and try for a baby for real.Maybe. Stop dwelling!Eddie would never know she’d put it off for a few months.
‘OK, back in for the dancing now.’ Lindy hustled her back through the doors.
As they came back into the auditorium, Roe saw Seb clocking her. She turned away fast, giving herself whiplash in the process, but sadly not fast enough.Shite, he’s coming over. She was not ready for her close-up.
‘Hey! Ray is it?’
‘Feck,’ Roe hissed before reluctantly turning to the eager Seb. ‘It’s Roe, not Ray, short for Rose,’ she clarified.
‘Ah, Roe, my apologies. We’d love to catch you for a few minutes – we know you really nailed the singing audition and just want to get a sense of how you’re feeling ahead of the dance tryouts.’
‘Oh.’ Roe searched for something to put him off. ‘I don’t really have any feelings.’
‘Like at all?’ He grinned gamely.
‘Yep, none.’ Roe nodded decisively. ‘I’m dead inside. Sorry.’
‘Haha, that works perfectly.’ He leaned closer conspiratorially. ‘Honestly, the rest of them are unbearably bubbly. We need a bit of contrast. Someone to bring the snark!’ Seb gestured to a camera woman behind him, who gamely zoomed in on Roe. A boom appeared above her head. Seb was all business.
‘Just look at the camera, not at me, when I ask the questions. Thanks. So, Roe, you gave an extremely strong performance during the singing part of the audition. How are you feeling about what’s next? Is dancing a strong suit of yours?’
Roe looked into the camera lens and smiled tensely. ‘Yep. Feeling OK.’
Seb gestured in what was clearly meant to be an encouraging fashion. Reality-TV producers were clearly used to strong-arming their subjects.
‘Fine, yeah.’ Roe wasn’t offering up much and she could see Seb’s frustration.
‘You’ve seen the routine? You don’t think you’ll get too bushed, jumping around like that?’
