‘No, no, this Adam snag is no reason to back out. It’s a reason to go all in. I can’t face the thought of this all getting out and everyone pitying me cos my husband has no interest in me any more and I have no life left of my own. I’ve devoted years of my life to his career! I’m a cliché.’
Roe was biting her bottom lip; clearly even she was thinking it sounded bleak as hell.
‘Don’t look at me like that, Roe! I can see that even you are thinking it: “Poor Lindy. Ditched by her husband and never did anything with her own life. Always put his career first.” Well, fuck that. I’m onto something with The Snag List. I know I am. I’m gonna fucking show him. I am not going quietly into the night!’ She finished with a laugh that she hoped didn’t sound as bitter as she felt.
A sudden commotion over by the door to the playroom interrupted the Snag List plans. A nervous-looking illusionist was backing away.
‘Get the eff out of my way, David Copperfield.’ Ailbhe, glazed eyes, came in and started darting wildly among the kids. ‘I’m trying to find my baby!’
‘Oh Jesus.’ Lindy hiked Tilly up higher to show Ailbhe. ‘She’s here! We’ve got her. Remember?’
Ailbhe blithely pushed a path through the sea of children that carpeted the large room.
‘Uh-oh.’ Roe kept smiling while managing to mutter, ‘She’s looking a bit, eh, over-refreshed.’
They both watched as a foolhardy child of about six strayed into Ailbhe’s path proffering a balloon sausage dog. ‘Look at my bawooon animal!’
‘Can you just not!’ Ailbhe shrieked at him, ploughing on to reach them.
God, she’s edgy all right. Lindy took a breath as Ailbhe wrenched Tilly from her arms.
‘Ailbh, hun. Are you OK? Why don’t you let us mind her – she’s no trouble? I can drop her home to your mum later. You stay.’ Lindy made sure she said the next bit carefully, without a scrap of judgement. ‘You’re having fun.’
‘Yeah, it’s all good, Ailbhe,’ Roe backed her up. Tilly was placid as ever in her mother’s erratic embrace, but still, it was probably not the best place for her right now.
‘Naw, babe, it’s not all good.’ Ailbhe was skittish, looking around at the sea of bewildered five-to-eleven-year-old faces gazing at them. ‘Fucking Tom is on his way,’ she hissed.
‘Tom your …’ Lindy was trying to focus on Ailbhe’s words but couldn’t help being unnerved by the jostling Tilly was receiving in Ailbhe’s arms.
‘Tiny little phone husband, yeah. He’s “surprising” me.’ Doing the air quotes nearly made her lose her grip on the baby altogether, but Ailbhe barely noticed. She whooshed the baby back up and shoved her phone at Lindy. ‘Eilers just texted to let me know.’
The message from Eilers just said:
Heads.Up.Tom.on.way.for.a.surprise.
‘She is shocking with the auld one text speak, yet her GIF game is immac.’ Ailbhe shook her head, rolling her eyes and snatching the phone back, all the while slinging Tilly higher up on her hip, apparently not noticing that the strap of her handbag was becoming tangled in her daughter. ‘Gals, I’m screwed. I’ve had a bit of drugs. Do you think he’ll notice? WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?’ she snapped, rounding on a shocked Roe who’d been trying to untangle Tilly from the chain of the bag.
‘I think he’ll notice,’ Lindy said, cautious not to antagonise her further. ‘Look, he’ll be grand. Let us mind Tilly. Maybe parenting his kid while high isn’t the best look.’ She reached for the baby.
‘He won’t be grand.’ Ailbhe’s words were tumbling out at a ferocious rate as she wrenched Tilly back from Lindy’s outstretched hands. ‘He’s not into drugs. I’ve kind of downplayed some of the good old days. I told him I’d never been to America because I can barely remember any of my J1 so it was easier to pretend I wasn’t there at all. All I do remember is the time I got spiked with Ket, painted my face pink and got busted bringing pills to the airport in California by accident.’
‘Wait, what?’ Lindy, despite finding Ailbhe’s slight manhandling of her daughter hard to watch, was intrigued now. ‘When did that happen? What’s Ket?’
‘I think it’s horse tranquilisers,’ Roe supplied helpfully.
‘I wuv horseys!’ The balloon-animal kid had reappeared, as persistent as ever.Read the room, child, Lindy thought as he chattered on. ‘I have a bawooon horsey too!’
‘Get your animal away from me,’ Ailbhe barked. ‘I’m in crisis. Tiny Phone Husband will be here any minute. I can’t be coked up. I need to get un-high. Someone google “How long does coke high last”.’
‘I got a smartphone for my birthday.’ Another child, slightly older than Max, had detached from the crowd and was proudly displaying his new phone. ‘How long does coke high last,’ he muttered as he typed carefully on the device.
‘Ailbhe, this is getting less appropriate by the second.’ Lindy leaned towards the baby again. ‘Give us Tilly and go out the window again. Go home, have a coffee and a shower. We’ll cover for you when Tiny – eh, Tom arrives.’
‘Wait,’ Roe piped up. ‘When you say busted … do you mean you were arrested?’
‘Yeah.’ Ailbhe looked impatient at the interruption. ‘Or fined or something.’
‘Says here you could stay high for up to two hours,’ the boy with the phone announced. ‘Any time, I take my lil bro’s addy medication, I’m buzzed for days.’
