“Ellie, you’re not fine and I can see it. Look, I know I pushed too fast, I didn’t mean to. I know you’re working through some things when it comes to me, and men in general -”
“What do you think I’m working through?” Her voice came out high and shrill as betrayal surged through her. Who had told him? Which of the women she called friends had betrayed her confidence? Angel? Leigh? They were closest to Michael.
The expression on his face said he was searching for the right words, which just made her chest tighten with more suppressed panic, more frustration and shame and misery. He was searching for the right words because she sounded like a crazy person. Because shewasa crazy person.
“Sweetheart… it’s obvious something happened to you. Your hard limits, the way you react to certain things… I know a man must have hurt you sometime in the past -”
Ellie felt like keening as pain burst in her chest, tears burning behind her eyes.
It wasobviousshe was damaged?
Was that why Michael was with her? Because he thought she needed saving, the way she had back in high school? Because he had a white knight complex?
Since he’d returned to the club, he’d been the champion for more than one submissive. Lexie was probably the most obvious example, when he’d been willing to brave Patrick’s ire to help the young woman prove she was ready to start scening, but he was always stepping in to help where he thought he could. And there she’d been,obviouslyhaving issues she needed to work through,obviouslyneeding someone she could trust, and he’d stepped up again.
She thought she was going throw up. Her stomach churned. Her head felt like it was splitting open, and not just from her hangover. Hell, she’d been too emotionally turmoiled to even think about her headache again until just now when it hurt so much she wanted to take a hammer to her skull just to let out some of the pressure.
Gone.
She needed him gone. Out of her space. Out of her apartment. Justout.
So she did the only thing she could think of to make him go away - she told him the truth.
“Lawrence was my boyfriend and he raped me, okay?” She practically shouted the words at him, taking a kind of malevolent satisfaction in the way his face fell, even as part of her wailed in disappointment. “You left and I started dating Lawrence, because I’m a huge,fuckingidiot, and I thought I was in love with him, and then when we were drunk at a party, he raped me.”
Michael’s mouth hung open, his face paling and then flushing and then paling again as he worked through the truth. Through her big secret.
And she felt so empty inside.
“Now get out,” she whispered.
Looking almost like a zombie, Michael turned and walked towards the door. His shoulders were slightly hunched, his fists flexing at his sides.
Ellie’s tears began to well again at the sight of his back to her.
When he reached her bedroom door, his head turned slightly. Not enough that she could see his face, but enough so she could hear his words.
“I’m sorry, Ellie.”
So was she.
She stayed frozen, standing next to her bed, barely breathing until she heard the faint sound of her front door closing. Only then did her tears finally start to fall.
******
Staring at his television screen, Michael blinked as what he was watching finally started to sink in.
When had he changed the channel to the Home Improvement Network?
He’d probably done it without noticing.
Glancing at the clock, he blinked rapidly.
The time didn’t change.
Eight o’clock at night.
He’d done absolutely nothing today.
