As it turns out, everyone did show up to Nona’s for Pesah. My parents, siblings, and their spouses. Even my aunts, Barbara and Susan, are here along with Susan’s one single daughter. The Cohen family is usually here but will be joining us tomorrow instead, sans Josh. When I think of Georgette Cohen missing the first night with us, I have a pang of guilt, but she assured me it was for the best. I’m simultaneously relieved and depressed that I won’t be seeing Josh. It’s annoying that I still want to see him after everything.
Finally, the first portion of theSederis over, and we can eat. It’s nearly ten at night and I was so busy prepping all day that I’d had no lunch. Since we have a full house, Nona looks beyond happy at the head of the table. All the grownups are compressed around the extra-long dining room table. The children are seated around a series of rented round tables in the den and are being entertained by a few teens we hired from a local church youth group. The Seder itself always starts out as fun but, toward the end when we’ve heard a hundred different ways there punishments aimed at the ancient Egyptians and which Rabbi said what about it… my attention had long since scattered. Overall, tonight has gone well. Thank God, Nona agreed with my plan to hire people to help serve. We asked David to take the lead on the structure of the Seder since he and Ros are more observant than the rest of us. Being the class-act he is, David has been conscientiously including my father throughout.
The littlematzah,charoset, and lettuce sandwich we’d just eaten has done nothing but stir the embers of my hunger. At this point, I’m ravenous. The servers are plating thebaccalafirst and have put out baskets of an almond flour faux-naan that I’d made in honor of my brother-in-law Arjun. Tamar and Arjun are nearly 10 years older than me, and the truth is, I don’t know them very well. When I still worked at the hospital, I would see them regularly, and I suppose that proximity was a substitute for developing an actual relationship. Now that I live so far away, I feel the need to start making more of an effort with my siblings. At first, I knew some of them felt they had to side with Mom, but now it seems there aren’t sides, and we have begun to move on, which is a relief.
Arjun lights up when he sees the baskets of naan and nods to me.
“Is this your handiwork?”
“Yes. It’s oily, but tasty. I hope you like it.”
The recipe was simple, and I was pleased with the result, especially since tonight was about building bridges. Even if the bridges I construct are rickety, making an effort was worth the feeling I have now, watching Arjun and Tamar’s faces light up with surprise.
“It’s delicious and pairs well with the baccala. Thank you, Lily, that was thoughtful of you.” There is an awkward silence for a beat, so I use one of the talking points I’d prepared ahead of time with Monica’s help.
“So, how’s the hospital doing? I mean, I gotta ask, how are you all surviving without your favorite physician assistant working there?”
The joke lands, and everyone chuckles. Everyone except my mother, but she’s always going to be a tough audience.No point in worrying about her.The effect was instantaneous. Everyone started sharing stories about cases that had been important to them, and it kept the conversation going well into the main course. The food turned out well. We made chicken and rice three ways. One with Middle Eastern spices, one with a curry, and the third with a nod to Maryland—for that, we did a matzah-encrusted faux fried chicken infused with pure maple syrup. No waffles, of course, but you can’t have everything. It’s Passover, after all.
Roselyn is seated next to me, which we planned ahead of time for my own peace of mind.
She leans toward me, speaking softly. “So Emunah did really well on the flight out here.”
The pride she has in her daughter’s courage gives me a feeling of warmth for my sister and the incredible mother she is. At the same time, I feel the old stab of sadness for myself as a child who had no such person in her corner.
“I’m so glad to hear it Ros. How’s she doing otherwise?”
“School’s going well. Getting her that executive function coach you recommended was such a huge help. Thanks again.” She smiles and almost pats my hand before checking herself and moving her hand back to her silverware. “She misses you though. All three of us do.”
“Yes, but we have nearly a week together for the rest of her spring break and I have plans for that girl!”
Roselyn looks so content that it moves me to surprise her by being the one to reach over and pat her on the hand, briefly and awkwardly.
“How are you doing with everything… with Josh?” She half-whispers.
“Not now, but we’ll talk about it when the East coast invasion has moved on.”
Some parts of my family are just here for a few days, but some are staying for most of the week. The only family sleeping in this house is Roselyn’s because they don’t drive on yom tov. We’ve planned several activities for the cousins to hang out and do fun things together, but for the most part, I plan on spending most of my week off just with David, Ros, and Emunah. The fact that they’re the only family staying in this house was a necessary boundary.
I hear the conversation dying down a bit and I start the next planned prompt—wedding talk. I turn to Felicia and Eddie.
“So, you’re both headed to Estes tomorrow? Are you excited to see the venue and meet all the vendors?”
Throughout dinner, Felicia had been oddly quiet, but with my question, she perks up. Maybe my mother makes her nervous, but she seemed like something was bothering her tonight.Not my problem. I’ve done enough for this woman without worrying about how she’s feeling on top of it. Whatever’s been bugging her has been set aside, and she looks genuinely happy to answer me.
“Oh, my goodness, yes, we are both so excited. I can’t thank you enough, you and Josh, for everything you’ve done for us.” Thankfully, Josh and I’d arranged the plan for the happy couple in advance, so he and I haven’t had to communicate about the visit at all. I know from Josh’s sister that he’s still going to hold up his end of the bargain, and that’s all I need to know right now.
“I’m not going to lie,” I say, trying for irony. “Wedding planning is a blast. I imagine it was less stressful for me since it’s not my own wedding, though.” I wink at her. But Felicia looks worried again.
What in the hell did I say wrong this time?
Fine, I’ll move into my next conversation starter since my sister-in-law-to-be is letting me down by being uncharacteristically cagey. Maybe she and Ed are fighting?Whatever.
“So,” I proceed, “When is everyone heading out to Estes for the wedding? Are people going to head out early? Stay after?” I look around the table.
The last person on the planet I expected to contribute the first answer was my father, yet it was his excited voice that spoke up above the din.
“We haven’t booked our flights yet, but I convinced your mother that we’d get a big house, just behind the lake, so all the grandkids can converge there. It also has the added benefit of coming with four passes to the rollercoaster. We have it the week before and the week after the wedding.”
