And I know I’ve wasted my breath.
“A man can’t be fucking raped, Jagger,” he says. “You can’t sit there and tell me you didn’t want it. What sixteen-year-old boy wouldn’t want his hot stepmother? And just because you didn’t know it was her doesn’t mean it wasn’t consensual.”
“Are you joking?” Graham looks horrified and shocked. Always thought Dad was just blind to her. But he still saw the man as a good man. A caring father. We were both in denial, desperate to see what wasn’t there. Until now.
It shouldn’t bother me. They’re the same words I’ve told myself. The ones Graham, Casey, and now Poppy have told me aren’t true. But it does. Just not for the same reasons. They dig beneath my skin, and I have to breathe to force them out.
“Now I get it,” I laugh, but it sounds broken. Instead of anger, all I feel is pain. Unbearable pain, like I did when my mom died. I rub my palm over my chest, trying to alleviate the growing ache there, knowing it will do no good. “Now I understand why you fell into her games so easily.” Fire erupts behind my eyes, forcing my head back as I scrub my hands over my face. Is this how my mom felt? Was her depression something deeper? I always thought they had an epic love, but maybe it wasn’t epic or love. Maybe she was just desperate to escape the cause of her pain. The narcissistic, selfish asshole in front of me. “You’re just like her. You didn’t fall for anything. You enjoyed seeing Liam suffer. You punished him for having Krista first.” Another humorless laugh passes from my lips. “You’ve enjoyed cutting me down, making me feel small and insignificant, like I’m a disappointment and failure, because it kept me in line. Until it didn’t. That’s why you were pissed Nichols hired me. That’s why you hated every fucking success Sons of Sin had. It was because of me, not you. You hated that, didn’t you? Why’d you even sell?” But I know the answer. Overheard the conversation outside his office one afternoon. Nichols wanted out because his son wasn’t interested in the family business, and Dad didn’t have the money to buy him out. He also owed a debt. One that two very powerful men offered to fix.
Sniffling as I roll my head around my shoulders to fight back some of the emotion, I make up my mind. God help me, I don’t know how I’m going to do it. I’m a wreck most of the time. I’m not naïve enough to think Poppy is a long-term solutionto my issues, but this was what I needed. The kick in the ass to step up like I should’ve months ago. “I’m not signing those papers. Not today. Not ever. And I’m taking him home with me.”
“You can’t do that!” Dad booms, flying out of his chair again, and coming around the desk. He’s in my face in seconds, nostrils flaring, eyes wild and unhinged. “He’s mine! He’s my last chance to have a son loyal tome. You two weren’t. You were determined to do the opposite of everything I wanted.” He turns his fierce glare on Graham. “And you wanted to take everything from me.”
“That sounds like ayouproblem, Maxwell.” He swings, and I let him connect with my jaw. My head snaps back, copper explodes in my mouth. I lift my hand, brushing a thumb over the blood. “That was your one and only time to ever do that, so I hope you enjoyed it. Try it again, and I’ll end you. My days of being a puppet or a doormat ended a long fucking time ago.”
“I want you out of the house tonight,” Graham grinds out as I turn to leave, officially making my dad childless and homeless with one statement. “Get your shit and go.”
Dad becomes irate, but it’s no use when Graham makes up his mind. Not when he feels betrayed.
Unable to get out of there fast enough, my feet don’t stop moving until I’m at the door. My hands shake as I reach for the knob, ripping it open, and find two sets of red-rimmed eyes staring back at me.
One look at Poppy is all it takes to know they didn’t just appear at the door. They didn’t just hear the last part of the conversation. Looks like that promise I made her was kept. I try not to flinch at the expression on her face, the tears sliding down her cheeks.
Empathy. Sympathy. Not pity. That’s what I remind myself the look is.
Air is knocked from my lungs when long limbs and blond hair attach to me like a koala. Soft sobs echo in my ears as she sniffles. “I would never have asked you to do that,” Casey whimpers as her tears soak my neck. “Why did you do that for me?”
Exhaustion and grief rattle my bones as my arm wraps around her, squeezing tight. “That’s what big brothers are supposed to do for little sisters,” I whisper as my surrender to it all envelops me. “Even when it didn’t seem like I cared, Case, I did.”
“Everyone was always protecting me. I’m sorry.”
“It was our job, Casey, so don’t ever be sorry. Be sorry you needed it at all, but not that we cared.”
“I would’ve protected you too,” she says softly. “If I’d known…”
“I know, Casey.”
Another cry makes her body shudder against mine. Long fingers swipe at her cheeks. She pulls away, tears still shimmering in her eyes. “You’re taking Noah?” she asks, but she already knows the answer. “What’s going to happen? What are you going to do?”
She wants answers. Answers I don’t have because fuck if I know. Even before I said it, my mind went through hundreds of potential problems, scenarios…options. Can I take care of him? Be what he needs? Would he be better off if I let a nice family adopt him?
Part of me thinks he would. Then the dark, sordid, disgusting way he came into this world could be kept from him. He would never have to know his mother was the worst sort of vile. The emotional damage that alone might cause nearly breaks me. He’s already got a truckload of trauma and baggage before I even have the chance to screw him up…let him down.
The other part of me can’t stand the thought of letting him go. Six months ago, I couldn’t look at him. Now I can’t fathom not getting to see him. But does that give me the right to keep him? Doesn’t that make the worst kind of selfish?
“I don’t know,” I finally tell her.
Mouth pulling to the side, she chews her cheek. “Whatever you decide…I offered for you to let him be adopted a while back, but you didn’t because of me.”
“It wasn’t just because of you, Casey,” I reassure her. “Despite what I said in there, it was for Dad too.” When I said it to her all those months ago, I still believed I was the problem. That Maxwell did his best with me. “And it was for Noah.”
“I’m on your side, okay?” One last tear slips down her face. “No matter what. We all want what’s best for him, and I knowyou’ll do that. Whatever it may look like.”
I nod, my heart heavy, emotions everywhere, but my head clear, and go down the hallway to get my son.
Poppy
The ride back to Jagger’s apartment was mostly in silence. The weight on his shoulders was almost visible. Mine nearly as much.
