“The funny thing is, I know if you do, it will be because you’re trying to save me. It’s just who you are. You want to save everyone. Even if it’s from yourself. I also know it will rip you apart to do it, but guess what? I’ll still be here waiting, and I’ll put us both back together.”
“I’m not worth it, Quinn.”
“Or maybe you are worth everything.”
All you leave behind
Five weeks ago
I stand at the kitchen island, shoveling food in my mouth like I haven’t eaten in days.Over the past twenty-four hours, I wonderhow it went from hell to heaven. Moreover, how I ended up breaking my own fucking rule.
Quinn stayed with me all night.
I should’ve made her leave. Or,at the very least, I should’ve gotten up. I didn’t really sleep anyway. I listened to her peaceful breathing and wondered at the way she clung to me. She really amazed me. After what she went through with her asshole ex, I’m surprised she doesn’t hate all men, especially ones with my reputation. She doesn’t even seem jaded.
Or that’s what she says. And maybe she really believes the beauty is worth the pain, but I can see the heartbreak still lingers. I saw in her eyes as she told me her story just how much she still hurts. I want so badly to take it away. To show her how beautiful and amazing she is. How much I treasure her.When I am the cause of the pain, I hope she still thinks it was worth it.
I held her tight and wished she could be the cure to my demons. I prayed that she could be enough and that I could keep her forever. But even as I held on to her for dear life, the noise was relentless.
When she woke next to me, the smile on her face could’ve lit up the entire east coast. My heart leapedat the sight, knowing I put it there. I even asked her to take the day off. She said no, of course. She only left a few minutes ago for work.
Work is what I need to be doing. I need to get back to New York soon. We need to lay tracks soon.
Except I have nothing. I haven’t writtenonemotherfucking song since the one I wrote for Jewel after she died. If Ryder and Angel don’t have ten tracks between them, then we don’t have an album. And though music has always been my escape, it’s eluded me for a while. My only relief came from getting high. That was the one constant, but the effects weren’t lasting as long.
I am shoveling the last remnants of eggs into my mouth, considering going downtown to buy a guitar because I’m not ready to go to my dad’s where my other guitar has been kept for years, when theelevator comes alive. For half a second, I think Quinn has forgotten something, but the minute the doors slide open, I know it’s not her.
I drop my head onto the back of my hand and curse. “I’ve got to get Bastian to delete everyone’s codes until I leave,” I tell them.
“Well, hello to you too. Long time no see.”
“Why is it so difficult for everyone to understand that if I’m not answering calls or texts, I probably don’t want to see them?”
“I got the message loud and clear. I mean, you made your point pretty apparent on Jax’s face.”
I turn around to face her. Those icy orbs reflect sadness and hurt and a whole lot of pissed. “That why you here, Zoey? To ream me out over your husband’s face? Don’t you think he had it coming after all these years?”
“Don’t you think you had it coming after what you said?” she spits. She is so angry she’s practically vibrating. The problem is, coming from her barely five-foot frame with her tiny voice, it’s about as intimidating as a fight with Lyra.
“Sorry I spilled the beans that I was the one who touched you first,” I say with dripping sarcasm.
“It was never a secret, Maddox. I’ve never told Jax because I didn’t want him coming after everyone I was with before him.” She sets her fist on her hip and narrows her eyes. She really makes it difficult not to laugh. She is trying so hard to look tough.
“Darlin’, it wasn’t the fact that I touched you that pissed him off. It was the fact that while you were riding my cock, Ryder was fucking your ass that set him off.”
Her eyes widen at my vulgarity and crassness. I’ve never talked like this to her before. Not once. I’m not sure anyone has. Zoey has always been treated with kid gloves, much to her chagrin. But the fact is, she is delicate and fragile. And I’ll be in for another fight if she tells her husband what I just said.
Her eyes close,and her head falls back as she takes a deep breath. When her gaze finds mine once again, all that’sleftthere is resolve. “Why, Maddox? Why are you working so hard to push me away?”
“It’s not just you, Zoey. I don’t want anyone around. If you’d come down from your throne once in a while, you’d know everything isn’t about you.”
Her mouth falls open, tears fill her eyes, and my resolve to chase her right back out the door wavers. “I’ve never thought everything was about me. I know what you’re doing, Madsy. I’ve done it too, remember? I know what it looks like to be in hell. I also know what it looks like when you’re trying to push everyone away because you don’t want to drag them down with you.” She walks to me and grips each side of my face as those tears fall down her cheeks. “We want to be there for you. Let us be there for you.”
“Zoey, I don’t want any of you to see me like this.” I fight the need to wipe her tears.
“See you like what, Maddox? All I see is the same beautiful person I’ve always seen.”
I shake my head with a huff of laughter. That’s the thing. I’ve always seen Zoey. Know every inch of her heart, but she’s only ever seen Jax. “Look harder, Zoey. I’ve been a train wreck since the day we met. I don’t want anyone to see just how fucking helpless I feel. How much pain I am in.”
