“Shit,” he mutters as he pulls out of me.
He walks away, leaving me dazed and hurt. I turn to see him doing up his pants then grabbing his shirt.
I begin to replace my clothes, unable to meet his eyes. Feeling more than a little ashamed about what just happened here.
“Ryder,” I say softly. “It’s okay. We didn’t mean for it to happen.”
He looks at me with absolute hatred. “Be sure you get to the pharmacy. I wasn’t thinking. Don’t need you vanishing for another nine years.”
Tears fill my eyes. Angry tears. “You are such a fucking bastard. But don’t worry. I’ve been on the pill for years. I didn’t need another baby daddy deciding they didn’t want me anymore.”
He is across the room, chest to chest with me, in seconds. His fist clench and eyes flare. If it were anyone else, I’d be afraid. Maybe I should be anyway. But I’m not.
“I told you, I did want you.” His voice is so low, so threatening, that I shiver.
“And I told you I didn’t know that.”
“You knew me,” he slaps his chest.
“You know what. I am more than willing to accept that all of this,” I gesture between the two of us then all around me, “is my fault. I was a stupid kid that reacted without thinking things through. But how about you take a little damn responsibility,Ryder? I did know you. Deep down I knew you’d never do any of that, but I had the evidence in my hand. What about you? You were supposed to know me. Did you really think I could do that? I loved you. I wasn’t ready for a baby at eighteen, but it wasyourbaby. Did you really think I wouldn’t want it?”
“You cashed the check. What was I supposed to think?”
“Exactly. I had a check in my hands with your signature. What wasIsupposed to think?Yourmother telling me these things that she couldn’t have possibly known otherwise. You never talked to me about her. I didn’t know anything about your past. You didn’t trust me.”
“I trusted you more than anyone.” He’s getting louder, more agitated. I am too.
Thisis nine years in the making. Nine years ofpent-upresentment and hurt. Nine years of misunderstandings.
“No, you didn’t,or you would’ve talked to me. I told you everything. The only person you talked to was Maddox.”
“I didn’t talk to him,” he throws his hands up. “Maddox was just there. I didn’t want to bring all of that to you. Why the fuck is that so wrong?”
“Because it got us here.”
“Dammit,” he swears as he turns away from me. He punches my wall over and over before he drops his head. His shoulder heaves as he breathes. “You left me. You left and you never came back. You didn’t even look back.”
“Yes, I did.”
He spins on his heels, eyes narrowed as he glares at me. “Come again?”
“I came back, Ryder. I came back more than once.”
He begins shaking his head. Betrayal and denial are at war in his eyes. “No. No, you didn’t.”
I want to go to him. Grip his face and make him understand. I don’t. I keep my distance because I know he’s going to need space to hear me. “Yes, I did. The first time was six months after I left. I was starting to freak out because I didn’t have much time before Tyler was due and all I wanted was you there.” Tears begin to fall as I remember driving to the city, knowing it was a bad idea. That it would only hurt more. “I went to your apartment, but you weren’t there. I didn’t want to leave without trying to find you, so I went to Maddox’s apartment. You were both at the door, trying to get in when the elevator opened for me. With some blond clinging to you like a spider monkey.” The tears fall harder as I let out a bitter laugh. “I cried all the way back home, but I don’t know why. I should’ve known you’d be with someone else. I got myself so upset and worked up,I went into labor that night. It was very bittersweet. My heart was breaking all over but there I was with this little bundle in my arms that would be a constant reminder of that heartbreak. He was born on your birthday, you know.”
His face has gone stark white as he walks to the stool. He grips it tightly like he’s trying to hold himself up. “You were there the night before my birthday.” It’s not a question. It’s an admission of sorts. “I knew I felt you,” he mumbles quietly, shaking his head. “Fucking knew it.”
“The second time was when Tyler was two. He’d been up all night with a fever from an ear infection. The doctors told me there wasn’t anything they could do that I couldn’t. He was inconsolable, in pain, and running a hundred and four fever. I didn’t know what to do, so I just put him in the car to drive. Next thing I knew, I was standing outside of your apartment. A blond, a different one, answered the door. Said you were in the shower. I didn’t give her a chance to get you. I just ran.”
He looks at me with lowered brows and irritation lining his features. “She wouldn’t have been able to get me. I left that apartment the night you did.”
My eyes grow wide. I begin to shake from the shock coursing through me. “That means –”
“I never knew you were there, Heaven.”
I shake my head as my hand covers my mouth. “That means you still don’t know.”
