My eyes begin to sting with the threat of tears. “I’m sorry,” is the only thing I can even think to say.
“Don’t be sorry, pixie. Pretty sure you’re a miracle or something to make me feel all of that. Don’t ever be sorry for that or for being who you are.”
“Ryder, I’m sorry that you worried, but why did you think I left for good?”
“Heidi said she didn’t know when or if you were coming back, and if you wanted me to know you would’ve told me.”
“Dammit,” I breathe. “All of this is my fault. I should’ve found a way to call everyone. I just didn’t know anyone’s numbers. If I had, you wouldn’t have this.” I reach up to his bruised jaw with trepidation. I don’t want to hurt him. But he grabs my hand, pressing it to his face. I know it must hurt, but he doesn’t show it. “Does it hurt?”
“Not as much as this does.” He grabs my other hand, pressing it over his chest. “I don’t mean to keep hurting you. It's not what I want.”
“What do you want, Ryder?” I nearly whisper the words, afraid of what he might say.
“I want you, pixie. I’m not asking to do the whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing. I don’t even know how to do that, but I want you to consider being more than friends. Be more with me, pixie.”
“What doesmoremean to you, Ryder? Because you and Maddox arejust friendstoo.”
“Fair point. What do you want it to mean?”
I bite my lip, looking away. I don’t know what I want. I just know what I don’t want. But if I tell him, and he doesn’t agree, where does that leave us?
He grips my chin, tilting my head up to look at him. “Tell me, pixie. What doyouwant?”
“I want to know you’re not just doing this to sleep with me. That you’re not just saying things I want to hear to get laid.”
“I’m going to let you in on a secret. If I’d only wanted to fuck you, then I would’ve done it already.”
“Pretty sure of yourself, aren’t you?” I bite with an eye roll.
“Yes. But my point is I am not going to put this much effort into getting one girl to spread her legs when there are plenty of others who would jump at the chance.”
Irritation and anger burnin my belly. He is such an arrogant asshole. He’s always reminding me of what I haven’t done. What he can easily find somewhere else. It always feels like a threat. I push at his chest to get him away from me as I hop off the stool. I don’t make it far. I’m barely off the stool when he has me by the waist, setting me on the counter like I’m seven instead of seventeen.
I cross my arms over my chest and refuse to look at him. Again, he doesn’t allow that. He grips my face, forcing me to look at him.
“You don’t like what I said?” His eyes are hard, demanding. He’s not even a little remorseful about it.
“Yeah, Ryder, I loved hearing that you have women falling over you.”
“Not just women, love, and it’s just a fact. Do you think they matter? Do you think any one of them cares about me? Who I am instead of who they think I am or what I can give them? Do for them?”
Shame creeps over me as I finally realize the meaning behind his words. He wasn’t throwing anything in my face. He was pointing out that what he wants from me is more than some base need or itch that needs scratched.
“I’m sorry,” I mutter softly.
“Pixie, you’ve been around me enough to know that I don’t sugarcoat my words. I’m going to tell you what I think, completely unfiltered. If you can’t handle that, how will you handle anything else about me? I’m not gentle or easy. I don’t know how to be. And I won’t play games with you as long as you show me the same courtesy.”
“I can do that,” I nod.
“What else?” When my eyes narrow in confusion he elaborates. “What else does ‘more’ mean for you?”
“I —I don’t want you to be with anyone else,” I say it so fast, I’m not sure he understood me. I barely understood it myself.
“I haven’t been with anyone else in weeks, Heaven. Haven’t wanted anyone.”
“Maddox?”
“Not in a while. I want you. I’m not declaring undying love oranything, but I want you, Heaven.”
