Maddox: I can’t tell you. But I’ve been told that it’s being handled.
Me: Who’s handling it? Christian?
Maddox: How do you know Christian?
Me: Cara told me.
Maddox:He can’t handle it himself without permission, but it is being handled.
Me: Permission? I don’t even understand that statement.
Maddox: And you won’t ever.Now drop it. She has eyes on her andpeople are looking for him.
Drop it. He wants me to pretend like some psycho isn’t looking for her.I don’t know how the hell I’m supposed to do that.
I start to slide my phone back into my pocket when it buzzes again. I figure it’s Maddox with something else to say.
The name that comes across the screen is not one I was expecting.My breath catches in my throat. The anger I was already feeling turns into boiling rage.I don’t want or need this shit right now.
I delete the message without even looking.
Cara
We are walking intoa hotel for the first time in over a week.As nice as the bus may be, I am so glad to be out of it for two days.It was beginning to be a little cramped.
We didn’t leave Sofia, Bulgaria, until noon because the band had another interview before they left.The guys barely have enough time to get to the venue before they have to go on. Cami has to get themready alone because Josephine had to fly back to New York to meet with one of their clients. From what they’ve told me, getting grown men dressedis a lot harder than it should be.
Lyra is fussyand tired. She refused to take a nap on the bus. Her frustration is frustrating Jake, making him snappier thanusual.
Something has been going on with him the past few days. He’s trying to hide it, but I can see that he’s tense.I wish he would tell me. Every time I ask, he tells me he’s fine. That he doesn’t want meto worry about him.
I know I’m adding to his stress.The nightmares are relentless. I’ve only hadtwo nights without them.
Lyra has wanted me to sleep with her,but I can’t. Not when I wake up in a panicevery night.I can’t scare her like that.
I told Jake to let her sleep in the bedroom with him,but he refused. Hewants me in his bed.Every night, if I fall asleep anywhere else, he will carry me to his bed when he comes in.He worships my body, bringing memultiple orgasms before we collapse from exhaustion. I wish it were enough to stop the nightmares.
I wish he didn’t insist on me sleeping with him. I hate that he sees the panic. I can only imagine what he hears.And I know he’s been losing sleep.
Lyrabegins to wail loudly for no reason other than she’s tired. I see Jake clench his teeth, his exhaustion showing.I pick her up, rocking her in my arms as I carry her to one of the three bedrooms.
I lay with her for a while until her sobsturn to sniffles. She has the fingers of one hand in her mouth. Her other hand is wrapped in my hair. Her breathing is soft and even. I take a deep breath, letting her sweet baby smell fill me.
I stroke her hair, softly hummingto her. Soothing her the best I know how.
“Cara,” she says sweetly with a yawn.
“I’m right here, pretty girl.” I kiss her head.
“I love you, Cara. Can you be my mommy?”
Tears sting my eyes. My words are trapped in my throat. Not that I have any. What do I say to that?
Fortunately, Idon’t have to. Shefalls asleep before I have a chance to say anything.
But I need out of here. Now. If I don’t get out of here, I’m going to wake her with the sobs that are bubbling up my chest.
Islide out of bed and exit the room quickly. As soon as I shut the door behind me,I quickly cover my mouth as the sobs escape.
