Fuck him. I hate that he’s right.But I still don’t want to admit it.
“The kid hassome serious PTSD going on. She tell you that? Have you even noticed?”
This guy. Who the hell does he think he is? I want so badly tobreak his nose, I can practically feel the bone crunching beneath my fist. “I’ve more than notice.”
“Then help her instead of standing out here marking your territory.”
I release him with a shove.
Iambeing a jealous prick. I’m definitely being unreasonable, butI think I have a right to be after what she told me last night.I don’t even want to think about what would’ve happened if none of us had been around. Mystomach squeezes at the thought.
I walk back onto the busin search of my girls. I check the bunk first, just in case, then head for the bedroom.In the middle of the big bed, Cara and my princessare wrapped around each other. The sightis so beautiful it’s painful.
After a quick shower, I climb into the bed on Lyra’s other side. I would love to climb in behind Cara. Wrap my arms around both of themand let the world fade away. I’m just not sure how Cara would feel about that. So I’llhold them this way and relish every second.
Cara
I wake up with a foot precariously close to my mouth. I move it slowly so I don’t wake the bed hog. I look next to me to find Lyra’s top half sprawled across her daddy’s chest, and I realize Jake’s hand is in my hair.
Looking at them, I remember the dreams of the girl I used to be.It’s something Dane and I had in common. Tori, on the other hand, wanted nothing to do with relationships or kids. Ironic, she was the first of us to have a relationship, and if Zane had his way, they’d already have another baby. Or at least have one baking.
Dane has finally found his happiness. I knew he would. What woman wouldn’t want a man like him?Anyone that would sacrifice so much to raisea girl they didn’t have to is worth it.
Jake fits that description. I never would’ve guessed in a million years that he wasn’t Lyra’s biological father. Not that it matters. DNA does not a father make.
He’ll find someone too. Someone to appreciate the wonderful man he is.Someone who will love Lyra every bit as much as he does.
The thought of him finding someone else hurts my heart. I wish I could be that girl. And that is going to get my heart broken because I will never be that girl.
One day, probably soon, he’s going to realize I am broken beyond repair. My decisionsget people hurt. I can’t be trusted.
I feel the start of panic bubbling in my gut. I don’t even know why I’m panicking. Is itbecause of how I feel, or is it because I know I can never have what I want?
My phone starts buzzing on the table by the bed. I quickly and quietly get out of bed and make my way to the front of the bus.The call is from my therapist. I haven’t talked to him since that first day.Ifmy brother – or the other two pseudo brothers – find out that I’ve been skipping our calls, they’ll have me sent home.Fortunately, the good doctor or whatever he is hasn’t ratted me out yet.
But there is someone I need to talk to. The only other person until Jake who knew nearly everything that happened to me. Not because I told him, but because he’s the one who carried me out of that room. He’s the one that pulled the trigger.
I don’t even know the time difference at this point. I stopped trying to keep up about a week into this trip.I’m pretty sure he’s always awake, though.He would call me for months at incredibly random hours to check on me. Until I finally stopped answering the phone. Heshowed up at my apartment a couple of times. I pretended like I wasn’t home.
I figured after a while, he’d given up. We weren’t friends. The first time I ever laid eyes on him was that night.To say I was shocked that he was there to see me off when I left River City is an understatement.
This is the first time I’ve ever contacted him, but I need to tell him the man he shot isn’t dead.He needs to know that this could all come back on him.I should’ve called him yesterday, but I spent most of the day in denial.
Today, I’ve got to stop denying what I know and tell the man who saved my life that he may be in danger.
He picks up on the first ring, worry filling his tone. “What’s the matter,darlin’?”
As soon as the question is asked, I feel the tears burning in my eyes. “He’s not dead,” I tell him with a crack to my voice.
“Who’s not dead, Cara?” His voice relays his genuine confusion.
“That man. The one whotried to hurt me. He’s not dead.” The panic begins to leech in my voice. Idig my fingernails into my palm, reminding myself to stay in the present.
“Cara, Ikilled him,” he tries to rationalize. I get why. It doesn’t make any sense. But then again, I don’t know if he ever went back to confirm the man was actually dead.
“Christian, you’re not listening to me. I saw him,” I nearly scream before remembering Jake and Lyra are a few feet away, still sleeping.
“Okay, tell me what you saw,” he breathes out. He’s trying to understand and be patient. It’s not a common occurrence among men like him.
