Why can’t I do anything about it?
One, Cara does not see me that way, and I can’t exactly pursue her. It wouldn’t be fair,considering she wouldn’t just be getting me. Lyra and I are a package deal.I can’t expect a twenty-one-year-old woman to want to take on someone else’s kid.She’s got a lot more to experience in life.
The second reason is Dane. Three years ago,I was ready to risk his wrath because I knew he would get over it eventually.Today, I’m not sure he would. Cara has been through – something, and he’s not going to let me waltz into her heart, possibly undoing all her progress.
I don’t know what happened,but whatever it is, I know it’s bad. I see it when those dark eyes get shadowed by memories of some sort.When she gets lost in thought, reliving whatever nightmare is haunting her.
That’s all assuming I could convince her in the first place.I don’t even know what her type is. Judging from the guy she’s been spending timewith her type isn’t me.
That guy –Daniel–wore khakis and a polo.Very strait-laced and preppy. Nothing wrong with that.It’s justthe opposite of me.
I have a degree in mechanical engineering,but I work in my grandfather’s garage.Music and motors are the only things I’ve ever really known. My grandfather taught me both. When I finished college, I came back home knowing I woulddo both of those things. I just hopedthe music would take me places.
I guess it is now, even though it's been nearly three years since I was really part of the band.I couldn’t work all day, stay out all night, and take care of a newborn.
I’m not complaining. Lyra is my heart. She is my entire world.From the moment I heard her heartbeat, she was my everything. I never knew just how powerfulmy capacity to love could be until I heard her cry.Atthat moment, nothing else in the world mattered.
At that moment, I understood Dane’s fierce need to protect his sisters timesten. It was surreal,to say the least.
I never thought in a million years I’d be in this situation. A single dad.It’s not something you plan for exactly. But I wouldn’t take it back for anything.
Even when she makes me want to pull my hair out.
With a heavy sigh, I start shoving more clothes into a bag. Then move on to Lyra’s things. She needs clothes, toys, books, pull-ups because we still haven’t mastered the nighttime bathroom routine.Her stuffed elephant that she’s slept with since she was born and her favorite blanket because all hell will break loose if we forget it.
These are all things I have to go over with Cara.
Cara. Always on my damn mind. Too much. When Dane went to River City to check on her, I invited myself. I’m pretty sure that’s when I started making him suspicious. I couldn’t help myself,though.
He’d been worried about her for so long. Every time he spoke of her and how closed off she seemed, my anxiety for her wouldspike. My need to see her again would surge.
I can’t even explain why this girl has completely consumed my mindfor five years now. It doesn’t make sense. Just like it didn’t make sense, the need I had when we saw her broken and defeated in River City,to take her in my arms and heal her. Make her whole again.
Ridiculous,I know. I can’t heal her. I don’t really have a relationship with her at all. I never have. For years I was away at school. When I came home, I kept my distance because of the urges she stirred within me.Desires that were more than a little inappropriate given I was twenty-one and she was sixteen.
Although I never stayed too far away. Just enough that she didn’t notice me, but I noticed her. I always noticed her.
For the last few years, she’s been away. To Chicago at first, until something happened. Something that Dane will not divulge, and quite frankly,it kind of pisses me off. I’m supposed to be his best friend. I was until Cami came along anyway.
I’m not bitter over that. The guy deserves to be happy. He deserved to find love. It took him a long damn time to find it, too.
After Chicago, Tori, Dane and Cara’s sister, convinced them she should go to River City with her. Dane was on the road at the time and didn’t want her alone.It didn’t help,though. Whatever happened, it really messed Cara up.
Whenwe walked into her apartment, I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. It looked like she hadn’tcleaned up in months.There wereclothes everywhere. Food that looked like evolution was taking hold on the counters. Trash overflowing from the bins. Absolutely nowhere to sit. Barely anywhere to stand.
Then she walked in the door. I’m not sure if I contained my shock or not. The girl that walked in that door didn’t look a thing like the girl I knew. Her face was sallow. Her eyeshad circles deep and dark from not sleeping. Her hair looked like it hadn’t been brushed in days. She wore clothes two sizes too big. The most disturbing part,though, was the look in her eyes.I will never forget that haunting look of hopelessness.
I was pissed. I was pissed that she was there. That Dane let her go there. I was pissed he hadn’t brought her back. And I was pissed he wouldn’t tell me what in the hell happened.Because that girlwas hurt, tormented, and broken.
It seems like she’s improving since she’s been back.She is making an effort to get her life back.But that fire that once lived inside of her is still gone.
I’d give anything tohelp her find it again. To help her find that piece of herself.
“No, jackass,” I chastise myself. “She’s there to take care of Lyra. You cannot make a move.”
I finish with the last of our packing and take the bags to the front door. In the living room, Lyra is sitting in my mom’s lap with her two fingers in her mouth, hair neatly brushed and pulled into two ponytails on each side of her head, and her clothes actually match.
“Get everything done?” Mom asks with a warm smile.
