“What?” I snap, irritatedat my reaction to touching him.
He looks over his shoulderat me, his brows falling between his eyes. He’s getting pissed with my childish behavior. That much is exceedingly clear.
He moves a few inches so I can get by him but not without brushing against him. I repress the shiver that wants to escapeas well as the groan at the energy and heat between us.
I step around him to see what had him frozen in place. It doesn’t take a genius to figure it out. According to Dane, Jake has led a pretty simple life. His dad was a policeofficer,and his mom managed the office of his grandfather’s auto shop. He didn’t grow up in the lap of luxury like the rest of these guys.He’s seen plenty of luxuries, but none he could consider his own, even if for a little while.
And this bus is luxurious. A beige leather sofa sits on one side. Across from it are two reclining captain chairs in the same buttery material.Lighter beige tile adorns the floors, and light, gray-washed wood accents the dining and kitchen area that is equipped with stainlesssteel appliances. Built-in televisions hang over the captain chairs and the dining table, as well.
“There are two bunks, both with built-in TVs and headsetsas well as a bedroom in the back,” Liam says, coming in behind us. “Fridge is fully stocked with water, juice, and snacks for the munchkin.”
“I’s not a munchkin. I’s a pwincess.” Lyra looks up from where she has just dumped her bag in the middle of the floorwith an absolutely serious expression. I cover my mouth to keep the laugh from escaping.
“Is thatright?” Liam chuckles.
“Yep.” She tilts her head and narrows her eyes like she is daring him to challenge her.
“All right then, princess, you be sure to tell your dad and Cara that there are movies and toys for you too.”
I look atLiam with a gaping mouth. These buses, well, they’re not cheap.I know this is not coming from Mads or Ry or any of the other guys. Not that they can’t afford it, but this isn’t an expense they would carry.Liam must have a lot of pull with the label.
“Time to pull out,” the driver tells us.
Liam nods and exits the bus. Leaving just Jake, Lyra, and me.
“Cara,” he whispers as the bus begins to move.
I shake my head. “Nope. Not doing it,” I tell him, heading to the bunks as quickly as I can.
I fall into the first one, pulling the curtain shut. Seconds later,a tiny blond head pops in.
“I’s can watch movies with you?” she asks sweetly.
I swear on everything,no one could look at that face and say no. Those big blue eyesare just too cute.I cackle when she proceeds tobat those long lashes at me. “Pwease.”
“Come on, pretty girl. We’ll find aprincess movie.”
Her grin splits her face as she climbs into the bunk with me. She snuggles into my side while I press the button that brings the TV down. I’m surprised to see Disney is already there. Though, at this point, I’m not sure why. Everything on thistour has been meticulously arranged to benefit Lyra as much as possible. To make her comfortable,so her daddy is comfortable.
I scroll until I find Lyra’s favorite fairytale and queueit up. Her face is pure delight when the music starts and the pretty colorsdance across the screen.
As she watches the television with rapt attention, I watch her. She has so many people in her life – that love her. Would tear down Heaven and walk through Hell for her. Jake, in her short life, has already sacrificed so much without a second thought. Much like Dane did for me. He adores his littlegirl, and she adores her daddy.
Jakeisa gooddad. He’s a good man. Under different circumstances, he’s the exact type of man I could love. But too much has happened to me. Too much has left me broken.I pretend I’m getting better, and I have learned to use tools to help me function, but thepart of me that was good died a long time ago. I have blood on my hands, and it can’t ever be erased. But no one knows that. I intend to keep it that way.
Moments like this with Lyra make my heart ache.As she snuggles deeper into my side, two middle fingers in her mouth, it is apparentthat she craves female affection. A mother’s affection. It reminds me of what I once dreamedabout having once I was older.
It also reminds me of what I’ve lost.
My mother died ten years ago. The hole she left behindis still gaping, even if a little less painful. I was completely devastatedwhen she died. I knew it was coming. She was so very sick for so very long, but that didn’t soften the blowof watching her fade away. How do you prepare for that? Especially when you’re just a little girl.
I had panic attacksfrequently for the first couple of years after her death. They lessened over time, but once in a while, it would sneak up on me. I never told Dane or Tori.
Right now? I’ve never been more grateful for the time I had with her. I wish I could give that to Lyra.I wish she could experience the unending,unconditional love of a mother.
I drift off thinking of my mom. Flashes, not full-blown dreams, of my childhood filter behind my closed lids, drifting endlessly through my subconscious. My mom’s beautiful green eyes and that long dark hair that always framed her delicate features are just as clear as ever. Birthdays, holidays, and every other cherished moment skip through my minduntil I’m suddenly looking into dark eyes so cold it chills me to the bone.
“No,” I beg.
