“Shit,” I hiss. “You can’t sneak up on me.”
“I forget you don’t have normal reactions,” he says as he tries to straighten up with a wince.
“They are perfectly normal reactions for a person to have from unwanted physical contact,” I defend myself then start to walk away from him. I can’t be near him right now.
But I keep forgetting how damn fast he is. His hand is back on my arm, pulling me to him. “Let me go,” I demand trying to knee him in the balls again.
“Stop, Tori. Just fucking stop,” he demands looking more pissed than I think I’ve seen him since the night he punched Maddox in the face.
I take in a deep breath then exhale it in an attempt to calm myself and whatever the hell is going on with me. I have no idea what the hell is wrong with me. I feel like my I am on the verge of a panic attack.
I’ve never had a panic attack before. Even when I was a kid trying to get away from creepy foster parents or bully kids, I never once had a panic attack.
“Zane, just let me go. I just want to take a walk.”
“Will you stop lying, Tori?” he barks. I reel back.
“I’m not lying about anything.”
“It’s written all over your face. You’re lying and not just to me but to yourself as well.”
“What the fuck am I lying about, Zane? I just want to take a fucking walk.”
His jaw clenches and his face hardens. He lets go of me which makes me stumble a bit and takes a step back. “Then go, Tori. Go take your walk.”
He turns to go back in the building. More panic floods me with each step he takes away from me. Each step feels like distance he’s putting between us when he’s always been the one closing the gap.
My throat feels like it’s closing. My chest squeezes tight. My heart pounds so hard I can hear it in my ears.
I want to yell for him to come back, but my voice doesn’t work. I want to run to him, but my legs are turning to jelly.
I don’t know what is happening to me. I’ve never felt like this in my life. I’ve spent years in the foster care system, never letting anyone or anything get to me. I fought in the ring with girls – and guys – bigger than me without an ounce of fear.
But right now? Right now, I am terrified. I’m terrified of all these damn feelings I’ve been feeling for months that I’ve pushed down and to the side. I’m terrified every step that is put between Zane and me is a step I’ll never get back. I am absolutely scared to death if I let him keep walking that I’m going to lose him because I never admitted to myself or him that I wanted him.
But my fucking feet are glued to the ground where I stand. I wrap my arms around my waist in an effort to hold myself together. I bend over trying to find the ability to speak or breath. I feel like I’m about to pass out.
I have the vague understanding that people are beginning to gather around me. I feel the stares and concerns being sent my way, but the more I try to focus, the more my lungs refuse to work.
“Breathe, Tori,” I hear whispered into my ear. I feel a pair of strong arms wrap around me as my legs collapse from under me. “Breathe. Focus on my voice. I’m here, Baby. I’m not going anywhere.”
When I can finally breathe again, I find myself sitting on the ground next to Zane’s building pulled in his lap. He never let go through the entire melt down on the busy sidewalk. I almost expect to see people stop to take pictures of him or paparazzi everywhere, but it’s just he and I.
I wipe my face from tears that have fallen. They would normally piss me off, but I don’t have it in me to get angry at my own weakness right now.
“It’s not weakness, Tori,” Zane tells me. I look at him in wonder because he always seems to know exactly what I’m thinking. “It’s not weakness to feel things for people. It’s not weak to let someone in. You let Dane and Cara in. Even Maddox and Zoey.”
“It’s not the s-.”
I don’t get to finish the sentence before he cuts me off. “I know it’s not the same, but it doesn’t make it a bad thing.”
I shake my head refusing to believe what he’s saying to me. “It does for me.”
“Why?” he asks me without a hint of anger or judgement in his tone. Only the desire to understand.
“Because I don’t do serious. I’ve never had a real relationship with anyone or even an example of what one should look like. Except for the few times I’ve seen Zoey and Jax that is. And I’ve never wanted one either.”
“Until now, I hope you mean,” he gives me a coy smile.
