It only takes a second to realize that conversation isn’t happening.I watch her as she sleeps on the deep blue sofa. I want to say she looks peaceful,but she doesn’t. Her body jerks, and her eyelids flicker rapidly.
What does it say that I want to climb into her dreams and slay those demons I know are chasing her?That I want to go back in time, to the day Peyton showed up at my door, and go to that party to tell her how I feel?
At the time, I thought I was doing the right thing. If I knew then what I know now, I would go. Peytonbeing pregnant didn’t have to stop me from going after the girl. It didn’t have to change anything. Did it?
It doesn’t matter, though. I can’t go back. And I still don’t know that Cara would’ve accepted me.
What I do know is that she is definitely attracted to me.We have chemistry.I’ve seen itand felt it. Like a living, breathing thing buzzing around us and between us, and that is something I can work with.
I squat beside her on the sofa andbrush her hair from her face.I would pick her up and carry her to bed, but I don’t know how she’ll react. It’s better to let her be aware of my presence first.
“Cara,” I whisper.
Her flickering eyes fly open as she jumps up. I watch as she pulls her knees to her chest and scootsaway from me.Hurt and anger fill my chest. It’s not her fault. But the bastards that hurt her, that took that spark out of her need to pay. I know Dane says they have, but it doesn’t feel like enough.
“It’s okay, baby. It’s just me,” I tell her, then silently reprimand myself for calling her ‘baby’.
Even sitting here, curled into herself,she is beautiful. Never have I seen anything like her. Wide eyes and flushedcheeks, panic at the edge of her mind, and she is gorgeous.Honestly, it hurts to look at her.
“I just wanted to get you to bed,” I tell her, moving slowly to her with a smile that’s killing me to wear because she looks like a scared, wild animal in the corner of that sofa.I reach out, offering my hand. “You with me, Cara?”
I watch as shebegins to realize where she is. That she’s safe. “Jake,” she whispers.
The way my name sounds from her mouth right now is somethingI want to keep there. It’s reverence and trust.I nod and then ask again, “You with me, Cara?”
She nods, slipping her hand in mine. The vice that gripped my heart when she threw herself into that corner loosens.
I pull her to her feet. She wobbles on her sleepy legs,but she doesn’t try to move. She’s too disoriented.
I reach for her, hooking my arm behind her knees, and carry her to her room.She doesn’t even hesitate to lay her head on my chest. That does crazy things to my insides, but I try to tamp it down. She probably won’t remember this in the morning. She won’t rememberthe way she trusted me without thinking. The way she curled into me and found security.
I lay her in her bed, pulling the covers up to her chin.I place a kiss to her forehead, then turn to leave the room. I’m more than a little surprised when she grabs my wrist.
“Can you stay with me?Just for a minute?” Even in the dark room, I can see her pleading eyes.I can hear the fear in her choked voice.
And, again, I feel like an ass for accepting her offer to come here so quickly instead of realizing sheprobably needed more time. Moretime to deal with what is obviously PTSD. More time readjusting to her life.
I should tell her no. I should tell her it’s not a good idea. But she has no idea why it would be bad. She has no clue that being that close toher sends my mind to dirty places. That it will be torture.
ButI won’t tell her no. While I hope someday soon I can do this with her all the time, I’m not going to take a chance that this will bethe only time I getto lay beside her. Hold her in my arms.
“Let me check on Lyra, and I’ll be right back,” I whisper.
She nods, releasing myarm. I go to my littleprincess. She’s snoring softly in the middle of the big bed. Ibend over her, kissing her forehead,and take a second to inhale her sweet baby scent. “Love you,princess,” I whisper into her hair.
“Love yous, Daddy,” she mumbles in her sleep. I can’t stop the smile that spreads across my faceor the way my heart fills to overflowing.Manyhard and fast decisions had to be made where she’s concerned, and I wouldn’t change a single thing. I wouldn’t give her up foranything or anyone. She’s my baby girl, myprincess, and no one will ever take that from me.
Ireturn to Cara’s room.She’s curled on her side. I wonder if maybe she has fallen back to sleep. I stand over her, brushing the hair from her face. “You still want me here?” I whisper softly.
“Please,” her strangled voice breaks through the darkness.
I slidein behind her, pulling her to my chest. I kiss the back of her head softly. “Go to sleep, Cara. I’m not going anywhere.”
She nods, and in minutes, we’re both asleep.
I woke up later that morningin Cara’s bed alone.I heaved a sigh.Then dragged myself out of her room. I didn’tmiss the way she wouldn’t look at me as she helped Lyra with breakfast.
Not gonna lie. It stung like a bitch, but I didn’t regret it.I could never regret having her in my arms. Even if it was just to be some sort of comfort through whatever was tormenting her dreams.
