I realized that night that I definitely hadfeelings. Feeling so far beyond a simple crush or attraction.I knew the minute she curled into my chest, I wanted everything from that girl.
That was three weeks ago.Three weeks and she’s barely looked at me.Before the shows, her sole focus is Lyra. After the shows, she’sbeen asleep in her own bed, usually with Lyra.
Three weeks of hergiving me perfunctory nods and answers only as it regards Lyra. The rest of the time, she avoids me.Whenever I’ve tried to talk to her about anything that doesn’t concern Lyra, she changes the subject.Even just small talk.
All I can really do is sit back and watch her with Lyra. Thathasproven to be another problem. For me anyway. It has filled me with a longing to give Lyra something she’s never had – a mother. A position thatI’ve been envisioning Cara filling which isn’t the best place for my head to go considering I can’t even get her to talk to me as a friend. Hell, she acts more like my employee than someonewho’s known me for years.
I am frustrated in every sense of the word and in more ways than one, and there isn’t a damn thing I can do about it. Not until I can stop her from running away or avoiding me.
My mood has become irritable andprickly. The guys are in hysterics. They have no sympathy for me at all.
“You should’ve been thinking with your head and not your dick before you jumped on her proposition,”Angel ragged me.
He’s not wrong, butthat’s not the point. The point is I’m teetering on the razor-sharp edge of completely losing my shit.I have to remind myself every day that it would not be a good idea to throw her over my shoulder, tie her to my bed, and force her to talk to meright before I dive in between those long legs. I have a strong feeling that all of that would be the worst possible thing I could do, and there would be no coming back from that.
I walk off the stagein Prime Hall. Another sold-out show has my adrenaline pumping fast and hard. It only amplifies the irritation I’m feeling. Yes, it’s with Cara but more with myself.
I am instantlycrowded by several half-dressed women. They push their tits in my face, groping me in a way that’s more than a little irritating. I don’t even acknowledge them as I followbehind Ryder and Maddox to our dressing room.
“Can’t people keep their hands to themselves?” I thunder when I walk in the door. Josephine and Camilla laugh as the women following behind me jump in shock.
Maddox and Ryder pull a couple of the women to their sides with boisterous laughs that make me want to slug ‘em. “Man, you soneedto get laid,” Maddox cackles as he turns to do a line of coke off one of the girls’ chest.
I turn away from that with a shake of my head.I’ve done it a few times when I was younger. It’s fun while it lastsbut to be in constantneedof it so you can cope with life isnot how I want to live life. It’s sad as hell, honestly.
Thatis not the Maddox I’ve known for years.That is a man that has spiraled so far away from who he is, I doubt he recognizes himself most days. Of course, when you spend most of your days and nights high or drunk, it would be hard for anyone to recognize themselves.He’s trying too hard to silence his demons, but I have a feeling it won’t be long until he is face to face with all of them.
It’s hard to watch, and I’m not just watching one friend fall down that slippery slope.Although, Ryder does seem to be capable of pulling back when he needs to.I’m just glad Josephine and Angel found each other again before he was spiraling right next to them.
“As long as he’s hoping to get with my sister, he does not need to get laid,” Dane grunts, pulling Cami to his chest.She isn’t even paying attention to him. Sheis deep in conversation with Josephine.He buries his facein her hair, inhaling her like she’s the calm he needs to bring him down fromthe high of being on stage.
“I meant he needed to get laid by….” Maddox grins widely, his aquamarine eyes already glazed.
Dane cuts him off with a look that promises violence. “DO NOTfinish that sentence,” he orderswhile turning an interesting shade of green. “God, I might get sick.”
“Mate, Cara is a grown woman. You already know she’s not a virgin,” Ryder taunts him.
Dane makes a face while my inner caveman growls at the thought of anyone else touching her. “Could younotsay that shit? How can you eventhink it?”
“Because we’re fucking grown-ups,” Maddox laughs. “She is a gorgeous girl on top of being an amazing person. There was no avoiding it.”
“Well, doesn’t mean I have to hear or think about it,” he grumbles. Cami pulls out of his arms, and she and Josephine begin gathering our clothes. When they’re out of the room, he turns to me. “Why haven’t you talked to her yet? Then maybe thisdickish attitude wouldn’t be so bad.”
“Because I haven’t had a chance,” I groan.
“You’re with her all day, everyday until we have an interview or have to be at the venue. There are a lot of hours between daylight and six p.m.” Maddoxgives me a doubtful look. It takes real talent to be a smart ass without sounding like one. Must be a southern thing because I don’t know anyone else with that skill.
He’s right, mate,” Ryder smirks. “You’ve had plenty of time to lock that shit down.”
Dane groans, sticking his fingers in his ears like a child.
“You all assume I’m the only thing holding us back. You do realize Cara may not have any interest in me, right?” Even as I say it, my gut tells me that’s not entirely true. I can tell Cara is, at least, attracted to me.“Besides, she’s avoiding me, man,” I tell them honestly.
“Why? What did you do?” Dane looks like he’s ready to pummel me.
“I did exactly what she asked. First night, I came in,and she was asleep on the sofa. I carried her to her room, and she asked me to stay with her. I did. I stayed with her all night. Didn’t do anything but sleep. Next day, she won’t even look me in the eye.”
“Wonder what’s up with that?” Maddox’s brow furrows into a deep V.
