I didn’t even realize I was doing these things. “I – uh – really can’t talk about it.”
“All right, kid. I’m here if you need me, though. I’m your shadow until this thing is over.And I’m a pretty good listener too.” His eyes exude warmth and concern. I feel like I’ve just obtained another brother.
Like I needed another one of those.
After we finish dinner, it is nearly seven. The guys will probably be going on soon. I hope their first show goes well.
I look over to Lyra. Her little head is bobbing as she begins to doze.A small laugh escapes me as I watch her. Her belly is full,and she’s had an exciting adventure today.
“I suppose it’s time to get this little cutie to – uh,” I pause, not wanting her to have a meltdown over bedtime. I’ve seen it happen. It’s not pretty. And she’s since learned that b– e – d spells bed.
“Krovat’,” Henry offers.
I tilt my head a bit, attempting to mimic what he just said. I laugh at myself, wondering if this is what Lyra feels like trying to repeat me. I butcher the word.
“Close enough,” Henry laughs.
“Careful, or she’ll know it in every language.”
I’m surprised Lyra doesn’t fight me once we’re back in the suite. She has her bath,her teeth brushed, and is nearly asleep before I have her dressed.
Now the hard part. Sitting in this huge hotel suite with nothing but my thoughts.I grab my pills from my bag, then move to the kitchen for some water to chase them down.When thequiet becomes too much, I pull out my laptop to turn on a movie. I scroll through a few options before settling on reruns ofThe Big Bang Theory.
After a few episodes, my mind hasn’t quietened at all. I’m jumpy at the shadows dancing across the room. My heart races every timeI hear a noise. I think back over events that happened and choices I made that led to those events.
I’ve got touse the tools given to me before I spiral.
I sit on the floor, stretching a few times before crossing my legs. I breathe in slowly, holding it, then release it. I pull up a calming memory like I’ve been taught to do. The first memory that comes to mind is earlier todaywhen Jake was reading to Lyra. The sound of Jake’s voice spreads warmth through me while images of Lyra curled into himin absolute contentment dance behind my eyes.
My body finally begins to relax as my mind focuses onthe here and now.
I am alive. I can’t change the past. I am not responsiblefor the actions of others. I have my family. What happened in the past can’t hurt me in the present.
Over and over,I repeat these things to myself until I finally find myself calm and collected. I’m not surehow long I do this, but soon enough, I feel sleep tickling the edges of my mind.
I look to the room Lyra is sleeping in. I worry if she wakes in a strange place, she’ll be afraid. I worry I won’t hear her.
I decide to stay on the sofa. I find another blanket covering myself.Finally satisfied, I settle in for the rest of the night.
Jake
It’s after midnight when I roll into the suite, completely wired and exhausted all at once. I could’ve goneout with the guys afterward, but I wanted to get back to my girls.
Girl.I remind myself. Only one is mine. The other is not.
I want to finish the conversation I tried to have with her earlier. The conversation that was interrupted. I wasn’t sure what I was going to tell her. Not exactly. But I had to tell her something. I need her to know, at the very least, that I’m interested in her.
Interested?What a shit word. Ashit way to explain that I was borderline obsessed with her. That’s a whole other area I need to be careful about knowing what I now know.
But what else would explain five years of wanting her when two of these years she was off-limits and nearly three more, she was across the country? I am living proof that out of sight, out of mind does not always work.
Yep. Totally obsessed.
My body burns with lust and desire at the thought of those near ebonyeyes.My heart races and stops and races again with affection like I never felt for any other woman.At the inexplicable need and want for her to smile and laugh. At the need to be the one to put that smile on her face. Although, I will admit I’ve done a shit job of that so far.
All of that must make me insane, right?
I walk through the foyer of the suite, following the sounds of Sheldon Cooper, hopeful I will be able to talk to her. Uninterrupted.
