“N… No,” I stammered over my words, tears falling from my eyes, scared out of my wind.
“Why the fuck were you in her bedroom?” he wanted to know.
“She invited me up there. She told me that she had to go upstairs to use the bathroom, so she asked me to go up there with her. All this getting blown out of proportion,” my voice was cracking with each word that I spoke.
“Blown out of proportion? What the fuck you thought was going to happen when you got the bright idea to fuck around with the daughter of the cracka that you know I don’t get along with? Do you not realize that if I wasn’t who I was, and if I didn’t know the law the way that I do, nigga, they would still have your black ass in there, trying to get your ass to talk, and admit to something that you didn’t even do? That shit was stupid, Creed! Fuckin stupid, man!” he shook my ass, pushed me down aggressively, as I was still on the pavement, and he stood up.
He walked away from me and went over to the front of the truck. As I stood up, with tears falling from my eyes, I watched him as he put his hands over his head, and he was watching me.
“I’m sorry, pops. I know what I did was dumb, and I’m sorry for that. I made one little hiccup?—”
“Ay bruh, don’t do that. If you about to try and justify the stupid shit that you did, you better off being quiet. There’s nothing that you can say to me that’ll make the shit that you did tonight okay. Then, you dragged your brother along with you to do that stupid ass shit,” he responded, and I nodded my head because he was right.
“I know that I’m in trouble, and probably going to get put on punishment, but don’t let Legend go down with me. He didn’t want to go. He was trying to talk me out of it from the very beginning. He never supported me talking to Vivian. From day one, he was telling me that it was a bad idea. I know for a factthat the only reason he went out with me tonight is because he was trying to be my protector. He knew that whether he went or not, that I was going to go regardless, so him going was just him trying to look out for me,” I said, not wanting my brother to get in trouble with me as well.
My pops didn’t even say anything. He pretended that he didn’t even hear me. His hands were still on top of his head, and he was still staring at me. I made sure that I kept my distance because I knew that if I got any closer, that he was going to tackle my ass again.
You know that look that a lion has when they haven’t finished eating? Like, they stand there, just waiting for the predator to make just one small move, and if they did, they were going to attack? That’s how I felt he was looking at me.
“I expect these niggas out here to disrespect me. I feel like a lot of people can’t handle my personality. Because I’m sure of myself, they take that as me being overly cocky, and for that, they don’t like me. Those are the kind of people that I expect to disrespect me. Not my sons. Not the two people in this world that I would literally give whatever to. You standing before me in jeans that cost over a rack, with the matching shirt, and shoes that cost just as much. I’ve spent thousands over the years just in personal training, so that you could be the best baseball player to come out of Miami. It ain’t shit that I wouldn’t do for you, and Legend, so nigga, yeah, I feel some kind of way. You gone have to give me ten feet because I want to nut the fuck up so bad on you, and beat the shit out of you, but it’s not even worth the shit that I’m going to lose,” he released.
Not only did I hear anger in his voice, but I heard the sadness. I really hurt him with the shit that I did tonight, and that’s what made me feel bad. Everything that he said was right, though. My pops made life easier for Legend and I. We were overly spoiled and didn’t want for anything. All he asked is thatwe did good in school, remained respectful to him, and our mom, and kept our heads on straight. He told us that if we did those things, that everything would fall in line, and we could always get whatever we wanted out of him.
Seeing that I’d hurt him the way that I did, it caused more tears to fall from my eyes. He walked away, and he went for the passenger side door, opened it, and he got in. I opened the back door, and I was surprised that my mama was sitting back here too. Her ass had to be pissed with me because I’m pretty sure that she saw his crazy ass tackle me, and she didn’t even try to get out, and help a nigga out. She would usually come to my aide when I had to feel my pops wraith, but she didn’t. I shook my head, and I removed my shirt that I was wearing, and I sat it down in the chair. I was embarrassed as fuck that I’d pissed on myself. I was just in my wife beater, and jeans now.
The whole time I was sitting down, I could feel my mom’s eyes on me, but she didn’t say shit. Her silence spoke volumes though. She was disappointed.
I hopped in the seat, put my seatbelt on, and I hung my head low in shame. The driver eventually pulled out, and the car ride was a quiet one. I wanted to speak up, and ask where Legend was, but I was too afraid to even say anything, so I didn’t.
We had been driving for about fifteen minutes, and the silence from my mama was killing me, so I turned to look at her.
“Ma, say something. Curse me out or something,” I pleaded, never thinking that I would see the day where I willingly wanted her to snap on me. When she got in that zone, where she started nagging, and snapping on me, and my brother, the shit was annoying as fuck, and I’m always ready for the torture to be over with. In this moment though, I swear I would take it over the silence.
“Creed, not right now,” was all she said to me, and I dropped it, leaving her alone.
Ten minutes later, we were pulling up to my grandma’s community. Seeing that we were coming to her house, that shit made me feel a little better because if anybody was going to have my back, and didn’t make me feel like shit in this moment, it was going to be her. She was tough, and she could be big dawg, especially when it came to my mama, and my auntie Shai, but she spoiled the hell out of Legend and I, and we couldn’t do any wrong in her eyes.
The driver pulled the car right in front of her single-family home. It was the home that my mama and auntie Shai grew up in. Dutch used to stay right next door, but he sold the home years ago, so there was a new family that lived there.
The truck stopped, and my pops let him know to stick around for a bit, and that he would be back. He got out, so did my mom, and I got out as well. I grabbed my shirt, holding it, and it was wet from the piss. I was about to march my ass right inside the house, take these clothes off, and jump in the shower. I had clothes over here because we would stay the night over here from time to time.
My mama had a key to my grandmother’s house, so she used it, and she let the three of us inside. The second we walked inside, my grandma peeked around the corner, coming from the family room area, and when she saw that it was us, she walked over. It was after five in the morning, and I could look in her eyes, and tell that she was tired, judging from how red they were, but that didn’t stop her from walking over to where we were.
She walked passed her own damn daughter, and my pops, and she went for me, holding me by my arms, shaking me, and she examined me, trying to see if there was anything missing, out of place, or if I had any bruises. As she was doing that, footsteps made their way down, and I looked up to see that it was Legend. He’d changed out of his clothes that he had on at the party, and was just in laid back attire, which was gym shorts, anda wife beater. When he saw me, he looked angry, so I’m sure that he was pissed at me, and I couldn’t blame him.
He made his way down the stairs, and my pops looked at him.
“Go outside. Let me talk to you,” my pops ordered him, talking to him just as aggressively as he had done with me.
Legend bumped the shit out of me as he followed behind our pops, and they walked through the family room, and took the patio door, so that they could go outside.
“Ima take a shower,” I said to my grandma, and she nodded, telling me to come back down when I was finished because she wanted to talk to me.
Even though I nodded my head, assuring her that I would come back down, I knew that I wouldn’t. I was embarrassed. Not because I’d pissed on myself, either. It was deeper than that. Everybody knew what I’d done. They knew that I got caught in a bedroom with a white girl. I felt like everybody was going to judge me and think that I was stupid. That’s the part that embarrassed me.
I made it upstairs, and there were only two bedrooms up here, which were my mama’s, and my aunt’s old bedrooms. My grandma’s bedroom was downstairs. Legend and I would sleep in our mama’s bedroom whenever we came over. It was still the same as it was when she was once living here. There was a full-sized bed that sat in the middle of the room, and usually, Legend, and I would fight over who got to sleep in the bed, and who would sleep on the floor. We thought we were too grown to sleep in the bed together, and we just never slept in auntie Shai’s old bedroom.
The drawers didn’t hold any of her clothes, though. It was our shit that was inside. I pulled out a pair of briefs, some basketball shorts, and a pair of socks. Once I had the items, I walked down the hall, where the bathroom was, and I opened the door. Istepped inside, closing the door behind me, and when I looked at myself, I looked crazy. Braids were frizzy from the way I fell on the floor and had gotten roughed up by my pops. My wife beater neckline was all stretched out. My jeans were dirty. Eyes were red from the crying that I had been doing, too.
