The man tucks the clipboard back under his arm and walks over to the trailer. The metal latch clangs as he opens it and steps inside, returning a minute later clutching a pair of leashes in his hand, followed by two ostriches.
The closest one puffs up its feathers while the other makes a sound that’s startling similar to a velociraptor.
“What the fuck is that?” Dare asks again, clearly so overcome with joy that I came up with such a thoughtful wedding surprise that he’s gone into shock.
“I think it’s a pair of ostriches,” Ollie answers.
I rub my hand along my jaw. “They’re bigger than I thought they would be.”
The man hands me the leashes while the dogs yap frantically, keeping their distance from the birds by hiding behind West.
“Don’t feed them any cake, if they escape, you’ll be responsible for any legal repercussions or fines, and I’ll be back to pick them up at five.” He sounds almost bored as he gives me the spiel before returning to the truck and driving away.
The birds turn their attention towards me, seeming to size me up with their big, beady eyes.
“I want a divorce,” Dare sighs.
“We’re not even married yet,” I remind him.
“I’m just practicing.” He sighs, rubbing his temples like he’s getting a headache for some reason.
I grin and reach into my pocket to pull out the specialty bowties I picked up on our way over.
“Want to help me put their bowties on?”
“Why not? We wouldn’t want them to be underdressed after all,” he mutters.
“Exactly.”
Surprisingly, the ostriches aren’t that fond of the bowties. They make rumbling sounds while Dare eyes them suspiciously and hurries to dress them. I keep a deathgrip on the leashes the whole time. The last thing I need is to end up chasing these birds down the street in my tux.
Another car pulls up to the curb, reminding me that we need to hurry the fuck up and make some decisions before all the guests start showing up, which could happen any minute. Ren, Daniel, and Watson hop out of this particular car. Daniel is carrying a bottle of champagne in one hand and orange juice in the other, and Watson has a package of plastic cups. Ren strides around from the driver’s side with a huge smile on his face.
“We have solved all of your problems,” he announces before stopping in his tracks and lowering his sunglasses to get a look at the ostriches. Unlike the others, he doesn’t even ask, just pushes his sunglasses back into place once he’s satisfied and continues on with what he was saying before the interruption. This is why I like Ren, he doesn’t ask stupid questions. “We’ve got a place for the ceremony and we have someone who can perform it.”
“Tell us while you pass out the booze. We’re going to need it,” Dare says, nodding towards the mimosa ingredients.
DARE
I keep one eye on the massive dino birds and gulp down the mimosa as soon as Daniel hands it over. I’m not sure there’s enough alcohol in the world to deal with everything that’s happened so far this morning. I guess I should just be grateful that Stone rented ostriches and not tigers… or more damn goats.
“There’s a gorgeous park right around the corner from here,” Ren says. “There’s a little lake and a pavilion, it’s perfect for a quick ceremony.”
I glance at Stone to gauge his reaction. “That does sound pretty nice, actually,” he says, a smile slowly returning to his face.
“Don’t we need to contact someone and pay a rental fee or something? The city or the parks department?” I ask.
Ren shrugs. “Who the fuck knows. It’s not like the cops are going to show up and take you to jail for holding a quick wedding in a public park.”
“Alright, yeah, I say we do it,” I decide.
“Hell yeah,” Stone agrees. “Who did you find to do the ceremony for us?”
Daniel steps forward with a grin of his own. “Me.”
“You’re ordained?” Ollie asks, raising both eyebrows.
Daniel shrugs. “I am now. All I had to do was fill out a form online and I’ve got a printable certificate just likethat.” He snaps his fingers to accentuate his point. “What do you say, men? Ready for your wedding?”
