He jumped up on stage from the front row. I’d been hoping he’d kiss my hand, and he delivered. His soft lips lingered on my hand for a beat longer than would have usually been appropriate. If he’d done that to a real princess, I dare say he would have risked being beheaded.
“Not only did Ryder outsmart Princess Chastity’s dog, Cole, but he also bested him in one-on-one combat. If not for him, all would have been lost. For that, I name him Sir Ryder, Champion of the Emerald Oasis and Protector of the Realm. It would be my honor if you would join me by my side for the remainder of our celebration.”
“It would be my honor, milady,” replied Tanner. He kissed my hand again and stood next to me at the throne.
“How am I doing?” I whispered. “This feels so good!” I took his goblet of wine and downed the whole thing.
“Um…I think everyone is just waiting for you to start the spit roast.”
My eyes got big. “Ihave to spit roast Chastity? How am I going to do that? I don’t even have a dick!” The mic caught that last bit and magnified it through the speakers. Everyone went quiet.
Tanner laughed. “You just have to bring her to the stage. Angel and Diablo will do the rest.”
Oh thank God.Wait, Angel and Diablo? Actually, that made perfect sense. They seemed to do everything together. And they’d already tried to double-team me once. I loved this forthem. I brought the mic back to my mouth. “Bring out the whore-princess!” I cringed. I needed to stop with that.
The crowd finally gave me the response that I’d deserved this whole time. The spotlight shifted from me over to a cage in the corner. Chastity was chained up inside, and Angel and Diablo were standing on either side of it. But while most people had stayed in their outfits from the games, Diablo had changed back into his red speedo from the fashion show. Angel was dressed to match. They opened it up and dragged Chastity out onto the stage.
“Kneel before me, wench,” I demanded. That sounded better than whore-princess in my head, but it was still pretty bad. Diablo gave her a gentle shove and she went to her knees. I turned to Diablo and Angel. “Please give me a moment alone with my prisoner.”
They both stepped to the side. I handed the mic to Tanner and approached Chastity.
“Ah, Princess Chastity,” I said, circling her. Then I crouched down to talk to her one-on-one.
“Ash!” she squealed. “You look so fucking hot in your princess dress. If my hands weren’t cuffed, I’d honk your tits so hard right now.” Then her face got super serious.
I already knew what she was going to say. “I’m so sorry about whore-princess thing. And the wench thing.”
“Why? Those are such high compliments. #WenchesSlay. Besides, I’m the one that’s so sorry.”
“Huh?”
“I’ve totally broken Single Girl Rule 13: Always wing woman for the girl with the longest active dry spell. I promise I did everything I could to try to win so that you’d get all the dick.”
Oooooooh.It all made sense now. I knew Chastity was competitive, but I’d kind of thought she was being a bitch by cheating. But in her mind, she’d just been trying to get me laid. In front of everyone. By two men. I took a deep breath.
“Did you at least give Cole a blowjob to convince him to spill the beans on where I was hiding?”
“No…”
Chastity frowned. “I hate that for you.”
“I did push him off a cliff though.”
Chastity laughed and tried to give me a high five, but her cuffs prevented her from moving.
“Do you want a royal pardon?” I asked. “I can probably get you out of this.”
“Hmm…yeah, you are in charge. So I guess you could take my spot.” She looked so disappointed.
“What? No! I meant just call the whole thing off.”
“Are you crazy? Getting double-teamed by hot brothers is like…every girl’s fantasy.”
Is it? Is it really?I was pretty sure that she was thinking of the weird male fantasy of banging twin sisters. But if she was into it, then who was I to stop her?
“Alright then…” I stood up and walked back to my throne. Tanner handed me my mic as I sat down. I felt like such a boss in my throne. “Princess Chastity,” I said. “For losing Society Wars, I sentence you to be spit roasted in front of the entire kingdom.” I nodded to Angel and Diablo. They moved to either side of Chastity. The two men towered over her. “Gentlemen… Unsheathe your swords!”
This Is War - Chapter 30 – Just Fuck Me Already
