Oh no.
There were seven big boxes stacked by my apartment. And Homeless Rutherford was next to them.
“Hey!” I yelled. “What are you doing? Those are mine!”
He dropped something and then looked over and gave me a saucy little wave. Then he sashayed away down the hall. I’d seen him happy before, but never like this. It was like he was at a pizza buffet and had just gone to town on the whole spread. Except it hadn’t been a pizza buffet. It had been my presents from Tanner.
“You better not have licked anything!” I yelled to him. But I knew in my heart that he had.
I scanned the boxes to try to identify what he’d licked. An opened letter sat on top of one of the boxes. That must have been what he’d dropped when I caught him. I wanted so badly to read it, but I had to take proper precautions. So I opened up my apartment to get my rubber gloves.
“Hey,” said someone as I walked into my apartment.
“Ah! Rape!” I threw my keys at the rapist.
Chastity just barely dodged them. “It’s just me! Calm down!”
“Sweet lord, woman. Why would you scare me like that?”
“Why wouldIscareyou? You’re the one who texted me that Tanner was a vampire and that I needed to call the police if you weren’t home by midnight.”
“Did I do that?”
“Yes!”
“Well in my defense, I just had the best night ever, and…”
“And is he a vampire or not?”
“I don’t know. Maybe.” Honestly I didn’t even care. If he was a vampire, he hadn’t tried to kill me yet. And he was amazing and perfect and beautiful. I couldn’t walk away now. I was in too deep.
Someone knocked on my open door. My next-door neighbor. “You okay?” she asked. “I thought I heard you scream something about rape…”
“Yeah,” I said. “But it was just Chastity.”
She gave Chastity a weird look. “So you’re good? Rutherford didn’t try to rape you?”
“No. But I think he licked my boxes.”
My neighbor laughed. “I don’t know why he always licks your stuff. See you later.” She walked back toward her apartment.
I frowned and turned to Chastity. “Did she just say Homeless Rutherford only ever licksmystuff? What the actual hell? I assumed he licked everyone’s everything. Why did he single me out?”
“Maybe he likes you,” Chastity said.
“Gross. And speaking of licking things…why didn’t you bring those boxes in?”
“What boxes?” asked Chastity.
“All the ones outside my apartment.”
“They must have just been delivered. Oooh. What’s inside?”
“I don’t know yet, but I know they’re from Tanner. I need my rubber gloves.”
“More Odegaards?!” Chastity was over by the door in a flash. Apparently she didn’t care that the boxes might be contaminated, because she lifted up the certainly-licked letter.
I read over her shoulder:
