“Buenas noches mis amigos,” said Santiago.
“Buenas noches,” replied Tanner in perfect Spanish. Then he said a bunch of other stuff I didn’t understand. The only thing I caught was when he said my name and gestured over at me.
Are they making plans about how best to suck my blood?I’d never considered that Santiago might be a vampire too. That would explain why he’d been so willing to clear out his entire restaurant for us on such short notice…
“Ash, it is a pleasure to meet you,” said Santiago. He took my hand and pulled it towards his mouth.
Ah! Don’t eat me!I yanked my hand back. And when he reached for me again, I slapped his hand away.
Santiago and Tanner stared at me.
“What?” I asked. “Don’t you guys know the secret baker’s handshake?” I took his hand and recreated the handshake and slap. And then I added all sorts of moves that basically resembled baking a cake. There was a mixing motion, a spin, something that looked like putting a cake in the oven…What am I doing?!I felt incredibly awkward. But I was in too deep. I had to keep going. I added like five more moves, and then I was going to finish it off by putting some sprinkles on my imaginary cake. But then I realized that this “handshake” was basically a solo dance, so I brought Santiago back into it by booping him on the nose.God, why do I keep booping things that don’t belong to me?I was seriously seconds away from going back to my vow of reclusivity.
“Fantástico!” said Santiago. “I can’t believe no one ever taught me this before. May I try?”
“Please do.”
“I’ll do it with you,” offered Tanner. “It looks fun.”
“Fun?” asked Santiago. “The bakers’ handshake is notfun. It is a sacred tradition stretching back centuries. Right, Ash?”
“Yup. Mhm,” I said. “Sure is.” I turned to Tanner. “Sorry, bud. This is only for bakers. In fact, please forget everything you’ve seen.”Seriously. Please forget this weird handshake dance thing.
Instead, he got to watch me and Santiago practice it four more times. I kept having to correct him. What was so difficult about spinning clockwise four times while waiting for the cake to bake?! Or maybe he was just having trouble because I definitely kept changing the order of things. I couldn’t remember the stupid handshake! Especially when I had to keep watching Tanner out of the corner of my eye to make sure he wouldn’t pounce on me to suck my blood. And with my other eye I was watching the kitchen in case Angel and Diablo decided to pop out and try to fuck me or something.
Oh God…are they here?Were they even Santiago’s sons? Or was that just in my dream? Santiago had their same tanned skin. And he looked about the right age to be their father.
“You can practice more with your sons,” I said.
“Sons?” asked Santiago. “I only have three daughters.”
He was a Dad of Daughters Only?Those must be the triplets that Tanner banged!
“What made you think he had sons?” asked Tanner.
“I didn’t mean sons in the biological sense. I meant baking sons. That’s how we American bakers refer to our sous chefs.” I was so freaking smooth.
Santiago shook his head. “First the handshake and now this? You are making me feel like a true amateur this evening, Señorita Cooper.”
“My baking etiquette is impeccable, but I’m sure you could bake the hell out of me.”What the actual fuck did I just say?It sounded oddly sexual. And maybe kind of violent? I had been trying to concede that he was the superior baker.
Both men stared at me.
“Shall we begin the tasting?” said Tanner.
“Si, si. Please, take a seat and I’ll be right out with the cakes.” Santiago took us to a table and then disappeared into the kitchen.
“So you want Chef Santiago to bake the hell out of you, huh?” asked Tanner as he hung his torn suit jacket on the back of his chair.
I shook my head. “It’s a bakers’ phrase. You wouldn’t understand.”
“I’m sure it is. Just like that magnificent handshake you made up for God knows what reason.”
“He was going to kiss my hand! And then I panicked. It seemed like he believed me though.”
“I think he actually did. In my experience, Spaniards rarely use sarcasm. Their humor is more based around intense physical danger and sexual innuendo.”
Oh, I know.Diablo was the master of sexual innuendo. Actually, maybe he wasn’t. His sexy comments were neither funny nor innuendo-y.Should I tell Tanner that?It would certainly make him jealous. And I’d kind of loved what had happened in my dream as a result of making Tanner jealous.
