“Probably your neighbor’s apartment” suggested Liz. “You know…because that’s how walls and apartment buildings work.”
Fuck you, Liz.“Yeah, that’s probably it. And since you solved the mystery, you get to go in first.”
Liz gave me a look. “Thanks, but I’d rather not go into the dark scary room. This is a classic sloshing-lure if I’ve ever seen one.”
“Sloshing-lure?” I regretted asking as soon as the words were out of my mouth.
“You know,” said Liz. “When your neighbor keeps trying to get you to watch them going at each other on top of baked goods - cakes, puddings…the sloshier the better - and you keep saying no. So they find a way to lure you over, and the second you step foot in their depraved sex dungeon… BOOM. The lights go on and you see them naked and covered in food.”
What the hell?“Is that seriously a thing?”
“Walk through the door and find out.”
“Uh, no thanks.”
“I’ll go in,” said Chastity.
“Really?” I asked.
“Sure. I mean…so far Tanner has given you two big surprises. First he took you to a museum where you got to suck on Dr. Lyons’ beautiful cock. And then he took you to a Finnish sauna and offered you up to all sorts of Nordic hotties. If those are any indication, then I’d guess that this surprise is going to involve dicks. Lots and lots of dicks. I think it’s going to be a first-come-first-served situation.”
“I’m leaving,” said Madison.
“Wait!” I said. “How about we all go in together. The four of us could totally fight off a bunch of naked dudes.”
Madison pulled some pepper spray out of her purse. “Let’s do this.”
We counted to three and then all charged in. The lights flicked on as soon as we stepped over the threshold.
“Holy shit,” I muttered. It was like I’d stepped into an Odegaard boutique. There were mirrors and mannequins and racks of clothes everywhere. And shoes. So. Many. Shoes.
“This is the coolest closet I’ve ever seen in my life,” said Chastity.
“You call this a closet?” I asked. “I’m pretty sure it’s like twice as big as my apartment.”
“And it’s two stories,” added Madison, pointing to a spiral staircase.
I pinched my arm. Was this real life? “How did Tanner do this?” I asked.
“Probably hired some contractors,” said Liz.
“Right. I know he didn’t do it all by himself. I was more talking about how he did this without me noticing. You’d think I would have heard or seen the construction people. Especially when they cut a hole in my wall to make the secret entrance.”
No one responded. They’d all gotten distracted.
Chastity was holding up clothes and desperately trying to fit her feet into some of the shoes.
Liz was getting ready for a nap on one of the plush blue couches.
And Madison was jumping around corners getting ready to pepper spray hidden sexual predators. She didn’t find any.
“I’m always excited about Single Girl Rules,” said Chastity. “But I’ve never been more excited to quote Single Girl Rule #18: Clothes are shared amongst friends. Owner gets first choice.” She lifted up a very skimpy dress. “You lucky bitch.”
I laughed.
“Hey,” said Chastity, abandoning the dress. “There’s a note over here.” She waved a piece of paper around.
“What does it say?” I asked.
