Chapter 33
Colton
Luckily the week passed by quickly, because I needed alone time with my Firefly.
The reservations were made, my duffle bag was packed and in my truck, and I even went out and bought a few new things for myself, something I hadn’t done in years. The thought of spending a whole weekend, just Ember and I, had me eager to get on the road.
I had some unease inside too. Today was the day Ember was joining me at my therapy session and it was a big deal. The last thing I wanted was for Ember to realize how bad I was and know I’ll always have struggles and decide she doesn’t want to deal with that. I know deep down she’d never walk away for that reason, she’s so much stronger then I gave her credit for in the past, but it’s still a worry I have.
I also knew this was an important step for both of us and needed to happen.
Since the weather was starting to get chillier, we decided to meet at the library today instead of the park. When I got to the library Ember was already there, waiting for me in her car. As soon as she saw me pull in next to her she got and met me at my door.
“Hey,” she greeted me as soon as I got out. Wrapping her arms around my waist and pressing a kiss to my cheek, she asked, “You ready for this?”
I was nervous, but I was ready. “Absolutely,” I said, taking her hand in mine and leading her inside.
We walked down a long hallway and found Alejandro waiting for us in a small, empty conference room. He stood when we entered, shaking Ember’s hand and giving her a friendly smile.
“Ember,” he said, his voice calm and steady. “Thank you for coming in. As I’m sure you have seen, Colton has made tremendous progress since we first started meeting. Since you both are progressing in your relationship I mentioned to Colton about having you join us and he agreed that it was important for you to be a part of this process. So thank you for coming today.”
Ember squeezed my hand. “I’m glad he asked. I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. Whatever I can do to help him is all that matters to me.”
Hearing her say those words to Alejandro made me feel so much pride and happiness inside. To have a woman like Ember stand beside me meant everything.
Ember and I sat on one side of the table, while Alejandro sat directly across from me. As soon as we settled in our seats, he started talking. He didn’t ask me anything or focus on me. He was focused on Ember, explaining the nature of my PTSD, the triggers, the symptoms. He talked about flashbacks, about the fight or flight response, like what happened on the fourth of July. “Colton will sometimes have an attack, or a flashback. And in that moment, it’s important you remember he’s not here. He’s back in the moment of the attack. So it’s important for you to remember a few key things. The first is that it’s not your fault. It’s not something you said, or did. It’s not a reflection on you or your relationship. The second is to stay calm. A calm presence is what he’ll need. Don’t try to touch him, not at first. Just be there. Talk to him in a soft, steady voice. Tell him where he is. Tell him who you are. Tell him you’re safe. Tell him he’s safe.”
As Alejandro continued to give her advice, she stroked the back of my hand, letting me know it was ok. She was hanging on every word. Taking it all in.
It was a terrifying experience, having someone lay all my ugly demons bare in front of the person I cared about most, but it was also another part of healing. It was a sign that I was finally letting someone in. I was letting her in.
When the session was over, I gave Alejandro a quick handshake while Ember hugged him, and thanked him for all the advice.
Ember was quiet on the way to our cars and when we were next to her car I turned her to me. “You okay, Firefly?”
She nodded, her eyes glistening when she looked up at me. “I’m okay. I just… I can’t imagine what you went through, Colton. I wish I could’ve been there for you.”
I pulled her into my arms, holding her as close as I could. “Shhh… Don’t cry, Ember. Please. It was my fault you weren’t. But we’re here now, together. And that’s not going to change.”
She pulled back, her eyes shining with unshed tears. “I know it won’t. Because you, Colton James, are my everything. I don’t want a future without you in it.” She smiled, a bright, hopeful smile that had me holding her so tight I didn’t want to let go.
“And you won’t. Because you, Ember Carter, are my entire world.”
We stayed holding onto each other for just a few moments longer before she pulled away with a smile on her face. Wiping her tears, she said, “Okay, enough of that. Now. If I remember correctly, you promised me a get away weekend and I am ready for it!”
I grinned at her. “ You are absolutely right, I did.” I said leaning in and quickly kissing her forehead. “And I have it all planned. Your brother is going to pick your car up in a little bit and take it back to the farm. Now, get in, Firefly. It’s time to go.”
We weren’t going too far away, just about an hour north, but the drive was peaceful and beautiful. I’ve been all over the world, and all across the country, but New England was the most beautiful area I’ve seen. And I wasn’t just saying that because I was from here.
As we left Rose Valley behind, the sun was starting to set, casting a golden glow over the trees. There was nothing like the fall season in this part of the country. The mountains of New England were absolutely breathtaking with all the colors. It was mid-September, so the fall season was in full effect as the leaves were turning their beautiful colors of yellow, red, and fiery oranges. The air was crisper and had the scent of pine and leaves.
We drove with the windows down, the cool air blowing through the cabin of my truck. I had Ember’s hand rested on my thigh as we talked about everything and nothing. She filled me in on some ideas she was working on for the holidays and we talked about the riding classes I was starting for local kids. It was easy and comfortable.
The last part of the drive was down a long, winding dirt road. When I finally pulled off onto a small, secluded driveway, Ember gasped.
“Colton…?” she asked, her voice filled with awe.
“Do you like it?,” I asked, smiling as I looked at her excited face.
