Holding her face in my hands, staring into her eyes, it felt both right and terrifying. Right because it was everything I’ve craved for so long, terrifying because I didn’t know what she was thinking.
“I know my reasons don’t excuse what I did, Ember,” I continued, my thumbs gently stroking her cheekbones. “The silence… the way I just disappeared… it wasn’t right. And you deserved so much better. Youdeservedan explanation, a goodbye, at the very least. For that, I am truly sorry. More sorry than words can ever say.”
My eyes searched hers, pleading for a flicker of understanding, a sign that maybe, just maybe, there was still a chance. “I know I have a long way to go to earn your forgiveness, Ember. And I understand if you can never give it to me. But please… please just try to understand why I did what I did. It wasn’t because I didn’t love you. It was because I didn’t knowhowto love you anymore… not the broken version of myself I had become.”
I let my hands fall from her face, the loss of contact leaving me feeling suddenly vulnerable. “What I’m asking for… it’s not for you to forget what happened. I just want another chance for us to start fresh.”
Chapter 19
Ember
Shock slams into me as I stare at Colton in disbelief. His words hang heavy between us, raw and honest. All I can do is stare at him as I take in everything he’s just told me. I sit there on the edge of the rock, the only sound I can hear is the thudding of my own heart in my ears.
His words, they were brutal, unexpected, and they landed in my chest with the force of a physical blow.
He loved me? Still? After all this time, all this silence, all this pain, he was saying he still loved me? A strange mix of emotions churned within me – disbelief, a flicker of something that felt dangerously like hope, and also a sadness for the broken man sitting beside me.
I stared at him, reallylookedat him, at the lines etched around his eyes that I hadn’t noticed before, the subtle tension in his jaw, the way his hands clenched and unclenched in his lap. This wasn’t the cocky,carefree Colton I remembered leaving. This was someone… scarred. Deeply scarred.
His words about not knowing how to love me anymore, not the broken version of himself… they resonated with a chilling clarity. It painted a different picture than I had built in my head. It wasn’t as simple as I thought. He didn’t just abandon me. It was far more tragic.
But then it hit me. A cold, hard wave of realization that sent a fresh wave of hurt crashing over the old hurt. No one had ever told me anything.
A new kind of pain twisted in my gut. It was the pain of realizing how close I had come to losing him forever, not by his choice to leave, but by the brutal hand of fate. It was the pain of knowing he had suffered so much, alone, while I had nursed my own wounds, oblivious to the extent of his.
And with that pain came a surge of anger. Anger at him for not telling me, for letting me believe he had simply walked away. Anger at my family and his for keeping this from me, for allowing me to build a wall of resentment based on incomplete truths. A bitter taste rose in my throat. Years. Years I had spent feeling betrayed and unwanted, while he had been fighting his own war, a war I knew nothing about. He could’ve died. He almost did die. And I didn’t know. No one told me. That realization hurt.
“You almost died?” I ask, my voice sounded ragged and barely a whisper.
He gives me a curt nod and tries to place his hand on mine but I instinctively flinch away, quickly pulling my hand back. I don’t miss the way his jaw clenched at my rejection, but right now I’m too hurt and angry to care. How could he not tell me? How could everyone havekept this from me? It also has me wondering, “Who else knew?” I ask. The thought of others knowing this devastating truth while I was left to wallow in confusion and heartbreak was infuriating.
“Ember-“ he began, his voice low and pleading.
“Who else knew, Colton?” I demanded, well aware that my voice was rising. I wanted to know who thought it was right to keep something like that from me. Who sat by and watched me cry, watched me break, and never said a word. When he looks away from me without answering, I ask again, “Who?”
With a heavy sigh, he answers, “Cade. My parents, obviously, and I think my parents mentioned it to your parents. And… I broke the other day while talking to Garrett in the barn. So he knows too.”
I swallow hard at the realization that my mom knew was like a punch in the stomach. She watched me cry my eyes out and wonder what I did to make Colton ignore me, and never said anything. Cade, I could understand, with him being away and going through the same stuff as Colton. But my parents? My mom? The woman who had held me as I cried myself to sleep countless nights, wondering what I had done wrong, why the man I loved had simply vanished? The betrayal cut deep. That stung.
“My mom knew?” I whispered in disbelief. She had watched me unravel, piece by agonizing piece, and had said nothing.
I could feel the anger surfacing in me again, it was hot and fierce. “So everyone knew you almost died, everyone knew the horrific thing you went through, and they all just kept it from me… let me believe you didn’t care? Let me believe I wasn’t worth even a damn phone call?”
I stood up abruptly, pacing back and forth, my arms wrapped tightly around myself. “You expect me to just… understand? To just forgive years of silence and pain because you went through something terrible? Well, guess what, Colton? I went through something terrible too! I lost you! I lost the future we could’ve had, the dreams I spent years thinking about! I felt abandoned, betrayed, like I meant nothing to you!”
I stopped pacing, turning to face him, my eyes blazing with unshed tears. “You say you want another chance? You say you still love me? How can I possibly believe that? You left once. What’s to stop you from just disappearing again when things get tough? What proof do I have that this time will be any different? That you won’t just walk away and leave me picking up the pieces all over again?” My voice trembled, years of hurt and resentment finally spilling tears from my eyes.
Turning away from him, I don’t want him to witness my complete breakdown. But before I could take another step, I felt his hand gently, but firmly grabbing my arm to pull me back. His touch sends a jolt through me as he spins me around to face him, and then his hands are on my face, his thumbs brushing away the tears that leave hot paths down my cheeks.
Colton’s eyes are filled with his own tears, and there’s a raw vulnerability in them I had never seen from him before. “Ember,” he choked out, his voice thick with emotion, “please. Please just look at me. I know I hurt you. God, Ember, I know I ruined everything. But I swear to you, with everything I am, I will never do that to you again. Never.” His grip on my face tightened slightly, not in pain, but in desperate sincerity.
“You have to believe me,” his voice cracked. “Leaving you was the biggest mistake of my life. It haunted me every single day. Seeing you again… it’s like a light in the darkness I’ve been living in for so long. I know I have to earn your trust back. I know words aren’t enough.” His own tears finally spilled over, tracking down his cheeks. “But please, just give me that chance. Just one more chance to show you that the man who loves you is still here. The broken parts… I’m going to fix them, Ember. I swear it. I’m going to get help. I’m going to talk to someone. I should have done it years ago. Please, Ember. Don’t shut me out. Don’t give up on us.” His gaze was intense and pleading.
My eyes squeeze shut as I try to draw in deep breaths, trying to pull myself together before I have a complete emotional breakdown. Hearing his words, seeing a man like Colton cry, it was all too much, they stirred something inside me. Something I had tried so hard to bury - my love for him.God, I want to believe him,I thought fiercely. More than anything, a foolish, hopeful part of me was desperate to erase the years of hurt, to rewind to that day on my front porch or to a time when our future seemed bright and full of promise. I couldn’t deny the ache of his absence, or how missing him was like a constant throb in my heart that I couldn’t heal.
I shook my head slightly, trying to reconcile the broken man before me with the man who had once occupied my dreams.One date? What does that even mean? Can we really just… start over?The thought felt both terrifying and exhilarating.
“Listen to me, Ember,” he interrupted my chaotic thoughts, his hand tightened gently on my shoulder. My eyes fluttered open, meeting his pleading gaze. “All I’m asking for is one date. One chance… to show you I’m serious.”
