A silent battle rages within me. Part of me screamed to run, to protect the peace I’d finally managed to build. But another part, a stubborn part that had never fully healed, whispered that it was time to finally confront the ghost that had haunted me for so long, to demand answers for the years of silence and the gaping hole his absence had left. It wasn’t just about me anymore, it was about the years we’d lost because of him, all the unspoken words between us, and the what-ifs that still lingered in my mind.
“Okay,” I repeated, my voice a little stronger this time. “But not here. I don’t want to do this where my family can hear, or customers can witness our business.” I took a deep breath, and knew exactly the perfect spot- the pier that overlooked the creek. It was up the road from the rock and was a neutral space, it was another spot we spent hours at as kids, jumping from the cliff, or swinging from the rope swing.
“Let’s go to the pier,” I suggested. A thought struck me, a small, familiar comfort in the midst of the rising anxiety. “And maybe… maybe we can stop by Ed’s Market first. Grab a couple of their hoagies.” Ed’s Market, that tiny little country store with its old wooden floors and dusty shelves, had surprisingly amazing hoagies.
Chapter 18
Colton
As I drove down Walnut Grove Road towards Ember’s, I waved to old man Ralph as his familiar figure came into view. There he was, pipe clenched between his teeth, tinkering with something in his open garage. Ralph, the unofficial mayor of this area, knew everyone’s comings and goings, was a friendly busybody who always smelled like pipe tobacco smoke. His home sat down away from the road, a big yard in front and his garage sat off the road. Right beside his house there was a wooded area that formed a perfect square that separated his property from ours. It was an area that held a lot of childhood memories. A dirt path wound around the edge of the trees, and it was deep within those woods that Cade, our group of friends, and I spent countless afternoons playing hide-and-seek and chasing each other. No matter the time of day, it was always dark and a little spooky in there.
My thoughts drifted back to the previous night, after I’d deposited a very drunk Ember into her bed. I’d returned downstairs to find Richard waiting for me on the porch, a cold beer in his hand, and one waiting for me. We’d sat there for a while, silently drinking our beers, the only sounds were the chirpingof crickets. He’d surprised me when he said in a casual voice,“Heard you’re thinking about talking to someone.”
Instantly I felt betrayed and pissed, assuming Garrett had shot his mouth off about our conversation. “Damn Garrett and his big mouth,” I’d muttered, a surge of annoyance bubbling up.
Richard held up a hand, a knowing look in his eyes. “Wasn’t Garrett, son. Your dad and I still have our weekly beer night, remember? We were talking.” He’d chuckled softly. “Don’t be angry. It’s a good thing, Colton. A long time coming. We’re proud of you.”
Snapping back to the present, I pull into the familiar driveway and kill the engine.
Stepping out of my truck I see Ember down by the barn brushing Shadow. I remember the day Richard brought that horse home to Ember. She was so excited.
Taking a moment, I stand beside my truck and just admire the woman I wanted my future with. Ember was beautiful. Truly stunning.
After a moment I headed down to see how my feisty little Firefly was feeling this after her drunken night.
I was relieved Ember agreed to talk, but the silence in the truck was nerve wracking. Part of me was glad when I finally pulled into the gravel parking lot of Ed’s Market. The ride over had been uncomfortably silent, the unspoken weight of the past hanging heavy in the cab of mytruck. Ember sat beside me, her gaze fixed out the window the entire time, her expression unreadable.
As soon as we set foot in Ed’s, the familiar scent of freshly sliced deli meat hit me. We each grabbed one of their legendary hoagies. Mine a classic Italian, hers a turkey and provolone, and two bottles of their uniquely delicious birch beer.
We walked silently across the road to the path that led down to the pier. The crunch of gravel and snapping branches beneath our feet, the distant rush of the creek, and the warmth of the late afternoon sun all felt both comfortingly familiar and strangely distant. We reached the pier, which was really just a huge rock cliff that sat about fifty feet above the creek. The water below was deep, really deep, no one knew for sure how deep it was, but kids had been jumping from the edge of the cliff for decades. It was another known swimming hole for locals.
We sat down on the edge, our legs dangling over, the silence stretching between us. The only sounds were the cars from the road passing behind us in the distance, and the sound of the water below us. I unwrapped my hoagie, the aroma of salami and provolone filling the air. Ember did the same, but neither of us took a bite. The silence felt heavy, charged with years of unspoken words. Finally, I knew I had to break it. It was time.
I took a deep breath, breathing in the scent of the creek and clean mountain air. “Ember,” I begin, my voice rough, the words catching slightly. Clearing my throat. “Ember, I… I need you to understand what happened after I left.” My gaze drops to the water below, unable to meet her eyes. The memories I’ve fought to bury for years begin flooding back. But I need to do this. If there’s any chance of her understanding, or for us, I need to open this door.
Without looking at her, I slowly began to speak. I tell her everything, leaving nothing out, except certain details that are considered classified. I tell her all about Johnson and Riley, and how they were as close to me as brothers. I told her about how Miller was the youngest at only 18, and had so much to offer. And then I begin to tell her about that day. The hot, dry heat from the desert that had us all just wanting to get back to the base and shower the sweat off us. The two little boys with the soccer ball, the sudden, earth-shattering explosion. My voice cracks as I describe the chaos, the fire, the screams of men who were more than friends. I recounted being thrown from the Humvee, the searing pain, the horrific sight of Johnson’s mangled legs, Riley’s lifeless face, the utter annihilation of Miller. The words tumbled out, raw and disjointed, each one as painful as they were that day. I tell her about the metal sticking out of my side, the burning on my back from my shirt being singed to my skin, my broken leg, and the long, agonizing recovery afterwards.
By the time I’m finished, my voice is hoarse, my body trembling. I finally lift my gaze to see Ember staring at me. Her hoagie lay forgotten at her side next to mine. Her face is a canvas of emotions, her eyes wide and glistening with unshed tears, there was a storm of emotions swirling in them. I could see the shock, the sadness, understanding, but beneath it all, the hurt and the anger still simmered. I knew just telling her what happened wasn’t enough. I had to explain theaftermath, the way it left me a scarred and broken man.
“After it happened,” I continued, my voice still rough, “everything changed. The pain… it wasn’t just physical. It was… everywhere. Every time I closed my eyes, I was back there. I could smell the burning fuel, the smell of skin…” I paused, the memory so visceral it made my stomach churn. I squeezed my eyes shut, the images flashing behind my eyelids. A wave of nausea and grief washed over me, threatening to choke off the words I desperately needed to say. I clenched my jaw, fighting back the tears that burned behind my closed eyes, trying to compose myself. I had to do this. For Ember. I took a shuddering breath and finally opened my eyes again, and starring Ember straight in the eyes, I began again. “I wasn’t the same. I could still hear their screams. I couldn’t sleep. When I did, I’d wake up in a cold sweat, heart pounding, feeling like I was still trapped in that twisted metal.”
I swallowed hard, the memory of it all still so vivid. Glancing down at my scarred knuckles, I continue, “I woke up in a hospital in Germany. The surgeries are a blur from all the pain meds they had me doped up on. Then came the physical therapy, it was agonizing and for a while I didn’t even try. What was the point? The man I was, the life I had… it was all gone. My career in the Army- gone. People I loved like family- gone. They were all dead, and I was alive,” my voice trailing off, the weight of survivor’s guilt pressing down on me.
After a short silence, Ember asks, “What changed?” Her voice, low and quiet, barely above a whisper.
I look back at her, “Cade,” I answer honestly. My gaze flickers between hers, the truth hanging in the air. “It was your brother, Ember. It was Cade who finally dragged me back from the edge of that darkness. He refused to let me wallow and basically kicked my ass out of that hospital bed. He spent a couple of weeks there, pushing me, reminding me I was still alive, and not let Johnson, Riley, and Miller die for nothing. It was exactly what I needed.”
She nods in understanding. “Then what? Where did you go after thehospital?”
“After that, they transferred me to a rehab facility back here in the States, where I spent months learning to walk again, to live in a body that I felt betrayed me. But even then, with the physical healing slowly progressing, I knew I wasn’t ready to come back here. The thought of facing everyone, of facingyou, Ember… it was too much. So I just… bounced around. Drifted across the country, trying to outrun the ghosts, but they were always there.”
Ember slightly nods her head again, her eyes searching mine before saying, “That doesn’t explain why you just disappeared from my life. I deserved an explanation, Colton. Anything. It’s like you didn’t trust me enough to share what you were going through. Like you didn’t trust me to stand by you and help you through it.” Her voice was quiet, but the raw hurt of being shut out was palpable.
I look down at my hands, shame filling me. I focus my attention across the creek. “Remember that last day, Ember? We were on your front porch. That promise I made that I’d come back to you. I meant it, Ember. Every single word. With every fiber of my being, I meant that promise.” My voice cracked with the weight of that broken vow.
“But then… then that happened. And suddenly, that promise… it felt impossible. How could I come back to you like that? Broken. Haunted. A shadow of the man I was? I was afraid, Ember. Terrified of what I’d become, terrified of what it would do to you. You were midway through college, you had so much ahead of you. I thought I was protecting you by staying away.”
I finally turned my head to meet her gaze, reaching out to gently cup her face in my hands. Her skin was cool beneath my calloused fingers, her eyes still filled with a turbulent mix of emotions. “Ember,” I say, my voice thick with raw emotion, “I swear to you, I neverwantedto hurt you. Never. Leaving you… it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. It was a selfish, misguided attempt to protect you from the darkness that had consumed me. But it was never because I stopped loving you. Never.”