Just a little way along from them was a lady Mum had met the day before. The lady, Miriam, was on holiday with her husband. They didn’t have children and so Miriam spent a lot of time in the spa, and she would come back talking of massages and treatments and hold out her fingernails for Susanna to admire. When she’d heard why they were there she’d given Ellie what Abby secretly called the Super Sorry look – when adults made their eyes go all gooey and thrust out their bottom lip in sympathy. ‘Poor little thing,’ she’d said, and she’d told other people as well because later, in the restaurant, Abby had overheard someone say, ‘That’s the sick girl,’ and she’d looked up to see Miriam nudge another woman and they were both looking in their direction.
‘Not now,’ said Susanna, stretching out lazily. ‘Honestly, this is such a beautiful pool here, why do you want to go running off? Ellie’s happy here, play with her.’
Abby watched as her mother closed her eyes again and knew it was pointless arguing. She went to sit at the edge of the pool, her legs dangling in the water, and wriggled her toes, watching as the refraction made her feet seem bigger.
From a distance she could hear the exhilarated screams of other children flying down the blue slide into the pool. She’d seen it every time they’d walked through the resort, her eyes on stalks. It was the best pool she could ever have imagined; the slide went through a tunnel and a loop until it finally deposited you into a deep lagoon.
A sound from behind caught her attention. A little snore. Abby turned and looked at her mother. Her eyes were closed, her sun hat pulled down over her forehead. Her mouth was ever so slightly open as she breathed deeply and Abby knew she’d fallen asleep. She looked across at Ellie, who was standing in the shallows, her neon orange armbands on, scooping a bucket into the pool then pouring it out again.
Abby went over to her sister and took her hand. ‘Shall we go and see the other pool?’
Ellie looked at her in doubt. ‘You mean the slide one?’
‘Yes. It’ll be fun, just me and you,’ said Abby. ‘We can play mermaids.’
Ellie’s eyes lit up. Abby knew she’d been aching for them to play together.
‘Really?’
‘Course. Come on.’ Abby led Ellie down the palm-lined pathways through the resort to the bigger pool. This was where most of the other children were and Abby looked up in wonder as she saw a young boy come hurtling down the slide, his mouth open in fear and excitement.
‘I’m going to be a mermaid with a purple tail,’ said Ellie excitedly. ‘What about you?’
‘I’m just going to have one go on the slide first,’ said Abby and Ellie was immediately alarmed.
‘But—’
‘Don’t worry, you don’t have to. You can stay here and watch. Can you touch the bottom?’
‘Only just,’ said Ellie, her feet on tiptoes, the water up to her chin.
Abby knew she’d only be a few minutes, that’s all it would take to have one go. She pointed to an area of water a bit further out. ‘That can be our mermaid cave. We’ll play when I get back. In two minutes.’ She didn’t wait for a response, but ran off towards the slide and started to climb the steps. At the top, she looked down at her sister, saw her playing where she’d left her. Then the green light in front of her flashed on and it was her turn. She pushed off, hurtling through the tubes, tipping at the corners in an adrenaline rush that finished with a bubble immersion as she fell deep into the pool.
She kicked herself upwards, utterly delighted. It was the best, most exhilarating thing she’d done in a very long time. She looked over to where she’d left Ellie, contemplating whether she could sneak in another go.
Ellie wasn’t there.
A commotion was going on a little further into the pool, where it was deeper, where their make-believe mermaid cave was. Abby saw a lifeguard dive into the water. She kept watching and saw him pull her sister from under the surface. She swam towards them, saw him haul Ellie’s small body out onto the tiles. She looked on in fear as the lifeguard shook her sister, then turned her over on her side where suddenly she vomited.
Again, thought Abby.
Her mother was furious, so much so that she could barely speak to her. Abby hung back a short distance from the sunbed, ostracized from the group, her sister wrapped in a fluffy towel with a large ice cream, their mother fussing over her, and Miriam too. Neither adult would meet her eye.
Ellie meekly held up the ice cream. ‘Would you like a lick, Abby?’
Abby shook her head, mumbled a ‘no thank you’ for appearances’ sake, hiding her fury and upset.
Miriam was murmuring something to her mother. Abby’s ears pricked up. ‘I’d gone for a walk, that’s when I saw her. Yes...well, I don’t know...It was just a little bit odd. She seemed to know it was too deep but still...I’m sure she only meant to be away for a few minutes. It was just an awful accident.’
Abby pretended not to hear. She walked away to the edge of the water where she sat on her haunches and contemplated how much simpler life would be without a little sister.
The rest of the holiday passed by in some agony for Abby. She knew she was being punished by being mostly ignored and she tried not to cry about it. Her mother never challenged her over the trip to the slide pool and Abby sometimes wondered what she really thought. On the last day, Abby and Ellie had to stay in the room for a couple of hours while Susanna packed. Ellie was colouring on the floor by the window, and Abby lay on her bed and watched as Susanna took the things from the bathroom and placed them in the case. She held up a bottle of children’s paracetamol and shook it with a frown.
‘Oh.’ It was a small sound, escaping from her lips.
‘What’s wrong?’ asked Abby.
‘I thought we had more, that’s all. I’ll have to get some when we get home.’
