‘Mum,’ said the DJ, ‘how much do you think she deserves it?’
‘Oh, she’s so brave,’ said Susanna. ‘She never complains.’
That’s a lie.
‘And she’s been through so much. I’ve lost count of the number of hospital visits she’s had.’
‘We have a caller,’ announced the DJ. ‘Christine, from Reigate. Go ahead, Christine.’
‘I just wanted to say I think she’s marvellous. I’ve been listening to your show and I can’t believe how that poor girl has coped. And her mother too, it’s almost unbearable. And to think they still don’t know what it is. To have that sort of illness hanging over you with no end in sight...Well, I want to help so I’m giving the last three hundred you need for your holiday fund.’
Collective gasps around the radio station: Susanna and the DJ in the studio harmonized with Abby and the girl receptionist, who was finally shaken out of her self-absorption.
‘That is amazing!’ exclaimed the DJ.
‘Thank you so much,’ said Susanna, her voice cracking with emotion.
‘I hope you and Ellie have the most wonderful time,’ said the woman. ‘You both deserve it.’
What about me?thought Abby, swallowing the lump in her throat. She listened hard but at no point did her mother, her sister or the DJ mention there was another person in this family, currently banished to the reception area, who wanted to go to Disneyland more than life itself.
‘Of course it’s enough for you as well, Abby,’ said Susanna on the bus home. ‘What a silly thing to think.’
Abby was hurt. It wasn’t that silly. Ellie got everything she wanted. She was ill, and it wasn’t that unusual for Abby herself to be an afterthought. But she brushed that aside as she began to fill with a warm glow.Disneyland, I’m going to Disneyland, she thought, and she was suddenly overcome with happiness and excitement.Magic Kingdom! The Typhoon Lagoon!
‘Well, what do you say?’ said Susanna.
Abby, brought out of her thoughts, blinked, confused.
‘You should be thanking your sister. It’s only because of her that this has happened.’
Abby could hear the disapproval in her mother’s voice. She leaned over to Ellie and awkwardly hugged her. ‘Thanks,’ she mumbled. Then she said it again, a bit louder, just in case she was reprimanded. It didn’t matter. Disneyland was the single best, most amazing thing to happen in her life, ever. It made up for everything. It meant she even forgave Ellie for monopolizing family life ever since she was born.
Three weeks before they were due to fly, Ellie fell ill again. Susanna was up in the night with her, helping her through her vomiting. Abby lay in bed listening until it subsided and then, when Ellie had quietened, she drifted back to sleep.
The next morning, Susanna sat both of them down for a chat.
‘Girls, I know this is going to be disappointing and I’m really sorry, but we’re not going to be able to go to Disneyland.’
Ellie promptly burst into tears.
Stricken, Abby looked at her mother – was it true? But she could tell by Susanna’s face that it was. She suddenly felt as if her insides had been crushed. She wanted to cry too, to wail and throw herself onto the floor in the hollowed-out little ball that she now felt as if she’d become. But Susanna was busy comforting Ellie and Abby knew if she kicked off too, there would be little sympathy. She’d seen the dark shadows under her mother’s eyes that morning. So she was forced to keep her devastation to herself.
‘Hush, hush,’ said Susanna, stroking Ellie’s hair. ‘It’s not all bad. I’m going to change the tickets toEuroDisney just for a couple of days.’ She beamed. ‘It’s brand new. Much better than silly old Florida. Plus, it’s much closer to home if you get poorly, which I think is really important, especially as you’ve not been well.’ She paused for effect, on the cusp of a big announcement. ‘In fact, we’re going to havetwoholidays.’
Ellie finally stopped crying, looked up at her mother in intrigue. Abby narrowed her eyes.
‘After Euro Disney, we’re going to a resort in Greece for ten whole days!’ said Susanna. ‘Where there’s a swimming pool with a slide and a spa for Mummy.’
Abby saw the hidden relief on her mother’s face and knew that this new plan, this place in Greece, was somewhere her mother liked very much.
‘What’s a spa?’ Ellie asked.
‘It’s a place where I can get a massage and possibly some beauty treatments while you two girls have loads of fun in the kids’ club,’ said Susanna. ‘Where they’ll have ice cream,’ she added, tapping Ellie on the nose.
Abby knew when she was being sold an idea and slipped out of the room. She went upstairs and lay on her bed where she mourned the loss of a trip she had yearned for with all of her heart. And her mother knew it too. Abby understood that Susanna had taken Disney away from her for something Susanna wanted more. Abby’s sense of self-worth plummeted that night. She understood fully where she stood in the pecking order of her family.
‘Can I go to the slide pool now?’ asked Abby, as she stood dripping in front of her mother, who was lying on a sunbed in her bikini. Abby had been in this shallow dipping pool for what felt like hours at her mother’s behest, so she could ‘stay with Ellie’. Ellie was nervous of the slide pool, but that was mostly because their mum kept saying things like ‘I’m not sure if it’s right for you, Ellie,’ and ‘It’s very high, I wouldn’t like you getting dizzy,’ and so they’d stayed here forever, Ellie splashing about in the shallows, while their mum dozed.
