“He still loves you,” Kennedy said. “I know that for sure. He was a mess when I came back to New York. The first time wehung out one on one it was because I gave him a key to your old apartment. And he didn’t want to be alone because it hurt too much. All we did was talk about you. And missing you. And all our regrets. The love he has for you is so big. There are no two people in this world that I think are more deserving of happiness. It’s you and him. And you’re meant to be together.”
I wiped the tears off my cheeks. “Thanks, Kennedy.”
“I gotta go. I have a few photo shoots today. But maybe I can come see your new place sometime this week? My mom keeps going on and on about how beautiful it is.”
“Yeah, that would be great.” I exhaled slowly. We were okay. I was so worried that she’d be angry with me too. “Go kick ass and take some amazing photos.”
“Go make up with Matt.”
I laughed.
“Love you,” she said.
“Love you too.” I hung up and smiled. Kennedy didn’t hate me. I already felt a little lighter. And I was pretty sure that Kennedy and Tanner were both right. Matt and I were meant to be together.
But maybe not right this second. Because I was still hurt about what he said to me about Miller. He even had the audacity to imply that Miller was still working for my father. I could try to stop talking about Miller as much in front of Matt. But Matt alsoneeded to accept the fact that I had loved Miller. Or else I wasn’t sure how we could move forward.
I wandered upstairs and changed into a pair of old leggings and a sweatshirt. And then I went out back and looked at my tomato plants. I still needed to look at outdoor space heaters for them.
And not for lack of trying, I hadn’t figured out how to hang up the lights back here. I needed to hire someone. I didn’t just have a Miller-sized hole in my heart. I had a Miller-sized hole in my life.
I crouched down in front of one of the planters. I’d also gotten some flower seeds to plant. I didn’t care that it was the wrong season. I felt better when my hands were in the dirt.
Exposed - Chapter 17
Sunday
Matt
I felt better when I was around my friends. It was easy to laugh and pretend that everything was normal with them.
But as soon as I left James’ place, it felt like there was a knife in my chest. Slowly twisting. I gripped my steering wheel tighter and made a turn that didn’t head back to Tanner’s.
I needed some time alone. With the old Brooklyn. The one that actually loved me. I couldn’t go to Empire High or the graveyard. The real Brooklyn had shown up to both of those places. I felt bad about what I’d said to her. But I wasn’t ready to apologize yet. I was still so mad at her.
Mad that she’d moved on. Mad that she hadn’t given me a chance to explain 15 years ago. Mad about all the time we’d lost. Mad about her son. I shook away that last thought.
I wasn’t mad that she had a child. I was curious, though. I wanted to meet him. I wanted to see if he looked like her. I wanted him to like me.
She said he was four. Scarlett and Sophie would be four soon. The three of them could hang out. It kind of all…fit.
But what if I saw her kid and just saw her husband? What if it was hard to look at him without feeling like Brooklyn betrayed me? Yeah, I just needed some time to calm down. I needed totalk to the version of her I remembered. Not at Empire High and not at the graveyard. I only had one other place.
I pulled up outside my townhouse. I hadn’t been there in weeks. My real estate agent, Bill, said the place would go fast, but I hadn’t heard from him. Maybe it was a harder sell than he imagined. Or maybe someone had seen my “serial killer lair” as Tanner put it, and it scared potential buyers off. That’s why I was here tonight. My room where I painted was where I felt closest to her. It wasn’t that long ago that I’d fallen asleep on the hardwood floor in my studio, wishing she could still be alive.
I’d gotten my wish. So why did it still feel like it was hard to breathe?
I walked up the stairs and unlocked the front door. I was greeted by the aroma of freshly baked cookies. I smiled and took a deep breath. It smelled like my mom’s kitchen. I glanced into the family room where there was all new furniture. There were even some toys strewn on the floor.
I told Bill it was a family home. That I wanted to sell it because it wasn’t meant for me anymore. It seemed like the stagers he hired had leaned in a little too hard to that vibe. But I just stood there, smiling. Because I could picture it. I wouldn’t allow myself to before. But I could picture Brooklyn here. I could picture a whole family with her in this house.
I exhaled slowly. I’d already agreed to sell it. And I didn’t know what kind of house Brooklyn would want. But she’d lived on a lake for years. She might not even want to live in the city. I couldn’t imagine leaving my family and friends and moving somewhere else though.
And I wasn’t even sure why I was thinking about any of this. I wasn’t sure if anything about Brooklyn and me made sense anymore. We were so different from who we were in high school. That’s why I was here. To talk to the old her. The one that made sense in my head. The one that didn’t yell at me whenever I tried to talk. I’d grown really used to her listening to my pain. Not throwing it back in my face. Not saying her pain was greater. That wasn’t fair. She said I didn’t understand. But I did. I lost her. It didn’t matter that she was back. I lost the her I knew.
I walked toward the stairs and froze when I heard a noise in the backyard. It sounded like something scratching across the stone patio.
My heart hammered against my chest as I walked over to the back door. I opened the closet to grab something to use as a weapon, but it was empty. Because Nigel had taken all my stuff from the house. I cursed under my breath as I heard the noise again.
