I laughed. “I’ve had that exact same thought.”
We were both quiet again. And I didn’t know what to say. Kennedy was hurting, but I couldn’t make it better. Because I wasn’t willing to give Matt up. Because I really did still love him.
“I tried to fight my feelings,” I said. “For so many years I told myself I didn’t love him anymore. But it took me all of two seconds of seeing his face to make me realize I was just pretending.”
“So why aren’t you two together right now?”
“Because every time we talk we fight.”
“You guys always fought a lot,” Kennedy said. “But you also always made up.”
Matt had said that too. That we fought and then we made up. That we always had. Until I’d decided to walk away. And I’d just walked away from him again.
“Look,” Kennedy said. “I’m on my last container of ice cream. And I didn’t eat three pints over the past 24 hours feeling sorry for myself just for the two of you to not wind up together. I’ve sacrificed my stomach. I’m committed to your happily ever after.”
“I’m committed to yours too.”
“Well, despite what you and Tanner think, I don’t need that.”
“Tanner?”
“Yeah, he keeps texting me, trying to get me to go on a date.”
I smiled. “Kennedy, that’s wonderful! Tanner is such a great guy. I think the two of you would make a great couple.” And the best part was that I loved Tanner too. And apparently he was Matt’s best friend now. We could go on double dates. I pressed my lips together. It was weird how I just pictured that so easily. Like Matt and I were already back together.
Kennedy laughed. “He’s not trying to get me to go on a date with him. He wants me to meet up with Felix.”
“Oh.” I smiled. “Well, perfect. I see that too.”
“Really?”
“Of course really. Felix always liked you.”
“I don’t know…”
“Why don’t you go on the date and just see if you still have feelings for him?”
“Did I not just tell you I ate three pints of ice cream in 24 hours? I’m not exactly ready to go on a date right now. And Felix? Really? If that was going to happen, it would have in high school.”
“It sounds like maybe you were busy being Matt’s shoulder to cry on. Thank you for that by the way. For taking care of him.”
“I knew it’s what you would have wanted. God, it’s so weird talking about you like you were dead. Or maybe it’s weird talkingto you like you’re alive? All of it’s just so weird. And this whole situation with Matt is weird. I’m really sorry I dated your fiancé.”
“He wasn’t my fiancé anymore.”
“Yeah but…he kind of was. We spent most of our time talking about you. You’re what we had in common. You’re the only thing we had in common, really. It was just nice having someone to talk to.”
I got that. Miller had been my shoulder to cry on when I thought about Matt. He was my sounding board. And that had brought us closer somehow too. I knew that Matt and Kennedy had more in common than just reminiscing about me. But honestly, I didn’t want to hear about it.
Tanner was right. I hated the idea of Matt with someone else. I needed to put myself in his shoes. He was allowed to be upset about Miller. I did understand.
“Promise me you’ll figure this thing out with Matt,” Kennedy said.
“If you promise to go on that date with Felix.”
Kennedy groaned. “Maybe.”
That was probably the best I could do with Matt too. Because honestly? I wasn’t sure I’d forgive myself in this situation. “It’s a maybe for me too.”
