Tanner nodded. “Right after the halftime show. But I’m going to apologize in advance. I…um…did something.”
“What did you do?”
He exhaled slowly. “It’s a surprise.”
“I swear to God, Tanner.”
He smiled. “Matt told me a lot about you, you know. About how when you two first met it wasn’t easy. But that all changed at homecoming. And I was hoping maybe I could jump start your feelings if…”
His voice trailed off as the homecoming parade started. The first float appeared and music blared through the speakers. My Dirty Little Secret by You’re An American Reject.
If my feelings hadn’t already been all twisted up, this definitely would have done it. I remembered Matt singing for me with some of his teammates. Confessing his love for me. Promising to never keep me a secret again.
But he was standing on the field with Kennedy.
And I was still in love with Miller.
And all of this was so fucked up.
Especially my heart. My heart was really fucked up.
A few of the players had jumped up on the float and had started dancing. The same weird hip thrusting moves that Matt had done 16 years ago.
Tanner had recreated it.
Except…it wasn’t a declaration from Matt. I stared at him on the field. He looked just as bewildered as I felt.
He didn’t want this.
Miller’s note had gotten in my head a bit.
And so had Tanner’s words.
But Matt didn’t want me. And I was too broken to want him.
“I need some air,” I said.
“We’re outside,” Tanner said.
“I meant I need to use the bathroom. Can you please just watch Jacob for a second?” I needed to get out of this stadium. I just needed to be as far away from these memories as possible. Because they still hurt. They still hurt so fucking much.
Sixteen years ago, this song had meant the world to me. Matt had meant the world to me.
I got up and started running down the bleachers. A part of me wanted to run toward Matt. But I knew that would be a mistake. We were both in love with different people. And we weren’t in high school anymore.
Homecoming - Chapter 39
Saturday
Matt
The ref blew the whistle for halftime. Normally we went back to the locker room to make adjustments, but we were winning by a landslide. So I let the players stay out to watch the parade.
I was still staring down at Kennedy when the music started blaring through the speakers. No, not just any music. My Dirty Little Secret by You’re An American Reject.
My hands were still on Kennedy’s arms as I turned to look at the float. But instead I caught a glimpse of a ghost.
But it wasn’t like the other ghosts I saw.
