Tonight everything would change.
I’d never be able to go back.
I swallowed hard and stopped outside my uncle’s old apartment. Someone new probably lived there now. If I’d had any idea how short my time was going to be there, I would have tried to spend more time with my uncle. I would have tried to be better behaved. I would have done so many things differently.
I turned away. Thinking of all my regrets wasn’t why I was here. I kissed Jacob’s forehead and he stirred in his sleep. He made this adorable little moaning noise.
And I almost changed my plan. Looking down at his sweet face made me want to rethink everything.
But I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t do this. I couldn’t. As hard as it was to risk everything…I had to do this.
Please still live here, Mrs. Alcaraz.I walked down the hall and knocked on her door. I tried to breathe slowly, settling my nerves.Please be here.
I heard the muffled sound of someone saying “puta mierda” and smiled. I still had no idea what that meant. All I knew was thatit was something bad. And I knew exactly who was on the other side of the door. I knew exactly how shocked she was to see me after all these years. And I’d kind of guessed she’d call me that.
The door opened and it was like I was transported back in time. Knocking on the door when I was back in high school. I couldn’t help but smile through all the pain of the last couple weeks.
Kennedy was standing there. Staring at me like she was looking at a ghost. Which made sense. She thought I’d died 16 years ago. And even though she looked shocked…I could tell she was happy. She looked like the Kennedy I knew when I first met her. Before everything broke. Before I messed everything up. There was a reason I’d stayed away this whole time. Because I knew that everyone was better off without me.
“Brooklyn?” her voice wavered.
I didn’t even hesitate. God, I’d been dying to talk to her for 16 years. Dying to let her know I was out there. And it was so fucking good to see my best friend. I threw my arms around her. Or…one arm. Because I was still holding Jacob. I didn’t care if she was happier without me in her life. I’d missed her. I’d missed her so freaking much.
For a second she just stood there frozen. And then she started to cry and she hugged me back.
“You’re alive.” It didn’t sound like she believed her own words. “What the hell?” She took a step back from me. Looked back at my son. Back at me. “Seriously, what the hell is going on? Where have you been all these years?”
“I’m really sorry. For everything. I’ve spent half a lifetime wishing I could fix what happened between us. And I wish I had more time to explain but…I have to go.”Before I chicken out.
“Wait, what?”
I wanted to ask her a million questions. Was she still with Felix? Was that why she looked happy? Had everything turned out the way she wanted? But I didn’t have time to catch up. And it would just make leaving harder. “Is your mom here?”
Kennedy nodded.
I could tell she was in shock. And as much as I wished I could sit and talk to her for hours, I didn’t have time. I walked over to the couch and lay Jacob down. Tears formed in my eyes as I leaned over and kissed his forehead.I love you. So much, sweet boy. I’m doing this for you. For us.I pushed his hair off his forehead. And I said a silent prayer that everything would go according to plan and I’d be back in an hour. This wasn’t goodbye. It couldn’t be. He needed me. I’d come back and we’d disappear for good this time. The two of us against the world.
I wiped the tears out of my eyes and knocked on Mrs. Alcaraz’s bedroom door.
“Mi amor, please stop questioning a good thing…” Mrs. Alcaraz’s words stopped as soon as she saw me. “Ay dios mío. Mi amor.” She grabbed both sides of my face. “You’re alive.”
God, she still smelled like empanadas and home. I was seconds away from falling apart. Seconds away from staying. But I’d beputting them all in danger. I needed to finish what I should have finished years ago.
I pulled the envelope out of my pocket. I’d written down everything. What had happened years ago. What I was about to do. All of it. I’d arranged for Mrs. Alcaraz to be Jacob’s guardian just in case something happened to me. All she had to do was call my lawyer and sign the papers. My will was rock solid. My father wouldn’t be stealing Jacob away like he’d stolen me. Not that I was worried about that happening after tonight.
“I’m going to be back in an hour. But if…if I don’t come back…” my voice cracked. I couldn’t think like that. But I had to think like that because of my son. I had to think of everything to protect him. “If I don’t come back, I need you to take care of my baby,” I said.
“What?”
I gestured to Jacob on the couch. “It’s all in here,” I said and handed her the envelope. “If I don’t come back, read it. It explains everything. But he likes watching football on Sundays. And don’t always make him wear a shirt. He hates them. Just keep my baby safe. Please.” I grabbed Mrs. Alcaraz’s hands. “Please.”
She just nodded. “Of course.”
“You can’t leave,” Kennedy said. “You just got here. You can’t.” There were tears in her eyes again.
I’m so sorry. For everything.“Don’t tell a soul I was here. No one can know. Not until it’s safe.”
“When will we know it’s safe?” Kennedy asked.
