Thursday
Miller had been teaching Jacob about our go bags for as long as I could remember. That if something scary ever happened, we were supposed to grab them and run as fast as possible. Jacob had approached the situation exactly like Miller had taught him to. Where I’d been screaming and crying uncontrollably, Jacob had remained stoic and calm. My little boy was so brave. So much braver than me.
My hand shook as I put in the code for the safe. I pulled out the gun and slipped it into my bag. I lifted Jacob into my arms and started running to the front door.
“No,” Jacob said as I grabbed Miller’s keys off the key hook. He pointed out the back door toward the woods.
God, he was right. My car had had a bomb in it. Maybe Miller’s truck did too. And I wondered what on earth Miller had taught our son. Because this was beyond a “scary situation.” It was like he knew exactly how to act in this particular situation. But this wasn’t the time or place to ask him about it. He’d reminded me of the danger we were in. And I was pretty sure that he’d saved us.
Jacob remained eerily calm as we ran through the woods and hotwired a neighbor’s car. But as soon as I buckled him into the backseat, it was like a dam broke.
All the training Miller had given him ended as soon as he felt like we were in the clear. His tears bubbled over and he started crying louder than me. “Daddy!” he wailed. “I want Daddy!”
I winced as I sped down the highway. Jacob had seen it. He’d seen what I’d seen. He knew Miller was gone. And I needed to comfort him. But I felt like I was burning too. Like my whole body was on fire. “We’re going to be okay,” I said, even though I didn’t believe the words out of my own mouth. I wasn’t okay. I’d never be okay again.
“Daddy!” Jacob sobbed, making my heart feel even more scorched.
I didn’t know where we were going. But I had to get the hell away from here.
Miller was dead.
I’d fled the scene.
I’d stolen a car.
I had a fake ID in my go bag.
I was so fucked. And I needed to get away from here to protect my son. I’d do anything to protect him. I reached behind me while still looking at the road and put my hand on Jacob’s knee.
My other hand shook on the steering wheel.
My vision blurred with tears. I tried my best to blink them away.
But I kept driving.
All I could hear was Jacob sobbing. All I could smell was the stench of burnt flesh that was stuck in my nose.
God, I can’t do this. I can’t do this without Miller.I tried to push away the thought, but it was true. I couldn’t do life without him.
But then I felt Jacob wrap his little hand around mine and hold on.
It gave me the strength to keep driving.
We still had each other.
I’d get us somewhere safe.
Runaway - Chapter 57
2 Weeks Later - Friday
I’d rented the tiniest place I could find at the beach. One - so that I could keep my eyes on the one entrance at all times. And two - because one bed meant I wouldn’t have to explain to Jacob why I needed to snuggle up to him all night.
But tonight we were sitting on the beach under the stars. Because this was where I felt closest to Miller.
We were written in the stars.
I blinked away the tears as I stared up at the sky. How many nights had we sat on the beach just like this? And even more nights at the lake. He was here with me. And I knew if I closed my eyes I could imagine that he was. But I’d done that enough times over the past couple weeks to know how much it hurt when I opened my eyes again.
