“Yes, but you’re my helper.”
“Bodie.”
Tanner climbs up on top of a chair beside the changing table.“Mama calls him Weese.”
I force a smile at Bodie—or Reese, or Weese, or whatever this asshole’s name is—while he grins at me like a fool.I open the tabs of the diaper, lift Hallie’s legs, and slide one side underneath.
Bodie laughs.“Other side down.”
I spin the diaper and work it up and over her little tummy, attaching the tabs.She kicks her feet, and the gaps on the sides make it obvious it’s too loose.
Bodie is about to say something, but I hold up a finger.“Not a word.”
He chokes on another laugh.
I tighten the straps a few times until they look to fit just right.
Bodie hands me the PJs.
Fuck.I don’t know how to do this.Like any of it.I honestly thought I might never get the chance to.I push that thought down when emotions rise rapidly to the surface.
Come on, Lily, it’s not hard.And it’s stupid that it stresses me out or has these weird, uncomfortable feelings fluttering in my chest.I don’t even know what the feelings are.They’re simply there and unexpected, maybe even a bit unwelcome.
When I think about it, I realize there’s a burn behind my eyes and nose.I fight it.Of course I do.I do not, under any circumstances, let people see me cry.So I do what comes naturally and clickoffmy feelings until I can psychoanalyze them at another time or forget about this entirely.
Because I don’t even know what’s happening to me right now.
After the pizza arrives, Bodie lays a blanket on the front room floor, and Tanner, Bodie, and I guard our plates from Hallie when she comes close.I lean against the couch, watch her toddle from one place to the next, and put various toys inside her mouth.Eventually, Bodie places her in her bouncer.
Tanner sits on the blanket scarfing down a breadstick as he watches an animated movie on the TV.Bodie falls asleep on the couch while I watch the kids do their thing.
I’m not going to lie.I get a tad overwhelmed by the normality of it all.When Tanner wakes his dad, because there’s a question he needs answered and does not care one iota whether Bodie is resting or not, I ask, “You good if I head out?”
He groans as he sits up and combs his hands through his unruly waves.He doesn’t seem entirely with it, but looks around at the kids and then at me with glazed eyes.“Yeah.Sorry, I was beat.Didn’t mean to pass out on you.”
“It’s fine.”
I peel myself off the floor and get to my feet.He pushes off his thighs and stands.After I’ve collected my Coach purse, he walks me to the door.
“Ah, domestic bliss.Am I right?”He laughs at this like it’s a joke.But I can tell, in a way, it isn’t, and in a way, it is.He loves it, but it’s also hard.He loves his kids.But it’s as if some part of it doesn’t work for him, and maybe that’s okay.I don’t know what it is.Maybe he doesn’t either.
It could be his free spirit that longs for family, but feels hindered by it at times.
I let it go because I don’t know him or this type of life well enough to judge.
I tell Tanner goodbye and smile down at Hallie one last time before I follow him to the door.He thanks me profusely as I step past him and onto the porch.
“Same time tomorrow?”
I laugh and shake my head.“Tomorrow, Taffy’s coming.”
“Thursday then?”
I stop in the middle of the yard and think about it.Turning, I meet his hopeful and desperate expression, which is kind of adorable.I exhale in exasperation, and a blinding smile splits over his face.I hike my purse up over my shoulder and spin my keys around a finger.
“I’ll owe you big time,” he says.
I point at him.“You better.”
