Jason still hasn’t said a word about the demise of mymarriage, and I’m not quite surewhathe could say. I get over myself for a moment and glance up at him. Sweat is beading on his brow, same as my own, but the shade from his baseball hat is preventing me from seeing his eyes.
“Fuck,” he murmurs under his breath. His brows furrow and he stares down at the ground. “I don’t even know what to say, Fallon. Sorry probably doesn’t quite cut it.”
I shrug, doing my best to keep my face passive. “Thanks. I’m doing better now. It was rough for a while, but now that I’m settled here, and have my mom close by, things are good.”
“I’m glad you’re here, even if I want to break Brad’s nose for the way he treated you,” he says, and I can’t help but look at him again. He’s looking down at me, those brown eyes so full of emotion because of me.
“I’m glad I am too.” My chest almost seems lighter after telling him. Sure, he knew the basics of my story, but being the one to get it all out in the open, to give him that piece of me, it’s cathartic.
The girls are both red faced as they point and croon over the zebras, so I offer them more water, making sure they both drink a good amount, and even go as far as putting some on the back of their necks to help cool them down. We definitely won’t be here much longer. The heat is getting to me and I’m not running around the way they are.
We take another break inside, and I sit down on one of the benches by the penguin exhibit. Jason stands behind the girls, pointing out one of the smaller penguins up in the corner, lifting each of them so they can see it.
He’s such an amazing dad. He even reminds me of my own father when he was alive. He treats his daughter with the utmost care and love. It makes me grieve for my own father, and wish he was around to see my daughter, to giveme a hug and tell me I’m doing right by her, that she’s going to be okay even though she doesn’t have a dad. Once you get past Jason’s hard exterior, he’s like a soft marshmallow inside. He loves his family so fiercely, and would do anything for them.
I also know that if I let myself, I could fall for Jason Cunningham, even harder than I already have. That realization burrows its claws into my chest. Heavy and unforgiving. Because that’s the reality of it all. No matter what I say about the bullshit of being friends, I want more, crave it. Crave the comfort he brings me, the same comfort he did back in college.
The heaviness in my gut spreads through my body, making me lightheaded. The heat is doing wild things to me. That’s all this is.Right?My heart pounds rapidly, and suddenly, I can’t catch my breath.
I look to where Jason stands with the girls, holding each of their hands, and there’s that apprehension again. Out of control. Leaning back into the metal bench, I try to get myself together, but it’s no luck. Jason turns, catching my eye with a soft smile, and I try to smile back, but I’m sure it looks more like a grimace.
He furrows his brows when he sees me, and tugs the girls away from the penguins, heading over to me.
“Fallon?” His concern is evident in his tone. “Are you okay?”
I lift my hand in a wave. “Oh, yes, fine.”
He doesn’t buy it.
“Mommy, are you okay?” my daughter asks, and I nod. My mouth has gone so dry I physically can’t form the words. Have I been drinking water? My skin is clammy, and I’m totally out of sorts.
“Shit,” Jason mutters, dropping the girls’ hands, andrushing to my side at the bench. “Have you been drinking enough water?”
I nod, but I’m not really all that sure. My hands are shaking as I try to reach out for Presley, but I can’t move any more.
Jason pulls my water bottle from the pocket of our bag, handing it to me right away. “Drink, slowly,” he says, and I hold the heavy bottle in my hands. I sip the cool water, letting it soothe the dryness consuming me.
Jason takes his hat off, and starts waving it in front of me, giving me a semi-cool breeze on my clammy face. It’s nice. He then digs into his bag, grabbing an extra shirt of Lennie’s. He takes his own water from the bag, and douses a corner of the shirt in water before pushing my ponytail to the side and dabbing the back of my neck. The cool fabric helps immensely. “Keep drinking, but not too fast,” Jason keeps saying, asking me over and over if I’m alright, if I think I’m going to pass out or not.
I shake my head every time. I don’t think I’ll pass out, but I guess you never really know for sure. I glance up to my daughter and nearly cry at the sight. She looks utterly terrified, and Lennie is standing at her side.
Presley is trying not to cry, and Lennie is holding her hand, her face as scared as Presley’s. “I’m okay,” I repeat, trying to reassure her. “Come here, sweetie.” I reach out to her and she rushes to my side, sitting on my left, while Jason is on my right. He’s still dabbing at my neck, my forehead, my cheeks, my chest, everywhere with the wet fabric.
We sit on the bench for a long time while Jason makes sure I’m rehydrating and cooling down. In between waving the hat in my face, he’s also making sure the girls and himself are drinking water. Thankfully, no one seems tohave noticed us in this little corner, or if they have, they’ve ignored us.
Once I’m doing better, no longer shaking or lightheaded, I stop Jason from waving his hat. “I’m better, promise.” He raises his brow in question, and I nod. “Really. I’m good. Thank you.”
He leans back into the bench, and puts his hat back on, only this time, he puts it on backwards, and shit. It’s like he’s trying to make me have a flashback to college. That damned hat. He used to wear one nearly every day, and it was almost rare to see him without it. It almost looks better now than it did back then.
“Should we go home?” Jason asks, and I glance down at both the girls. I don’t want to cut the day short, but also, I definitely don’t want to go back into the heat for a long time.
They’re both nodding before I can even say anything, and I’m grateful for it. “You three stay here,” Jason says, his eyes darting from me to the exit. “I’ll go start the truck and pull it around. I’ll text you when to start coming to the entrance.”
I agree, grateful for him. The thought of climbing into a burning hot vehicle right now sounds like my worst nightmare. The girls and I stay on the bench, watching the penguins play and splash around their space, and within ten minutes, there’s a text from Jason telling us to head to the entrance.
I gather the girls and we walk hand in hand through the zoo. It’s still as disgustingly hot, but now that I have some water in me, I’m not quite as sick. Jason’s waiting for us in his truck at the entrance as promised, and he opens the passenger door for me, helping me in and closing the door before helping the girls get buckled in. My heart pitter-patters in my chest at the sweetness of it all. He didn’t haveto help me into the car, I’m perfectly capable, but he did anyway.
Jason gets in the driver's seat, and takes a deep, long, breath. As he exhales, he looks over to me. The girls are in their own world, talking about all the animals, so they aren’t paying us any mind.
