“Or my Uncle Beau and Auntie Marley? Are they in love?” she asks.
“Yes they are,” I agree, thankful she’s getting it. “And maybe soon they’ll get married.” If the text I received from Beau earlier this week is any hint, I’m thinking it will happen sooner rather than later.
“Auntie Megan and Uncle Isaac got married too, Mom,” Presley pipes in.
“Yes, they did, because they’re in love.” I need to veer this conversation away before we get into the territory of why I’m not still married. “What animals do you guys want to see first?” I ask, and thankfully, that helps to change the conversation.
In their own world again, I shift so I’m facing forward in the seat. Jason glances over at me.
“Good job,” he says, and I raise my brows.
“You weren’t much help,” I tease.
He shrugs, an apologetic look crossing his face. “Sorry. I was trying to come up with something, but you beat me.”
“Right.” I give him a gentle shove on the shoulder. “Well if it happens again, it’s all you, buddy.”
We pull into the parking lot of the zoo, and for it being so hot, it’s still quite busy. We find a parking spot and get the girls out, grabbing our bags and a few extra water bottles to throw in the bags.
I slather sunscreen on Presley, and Jason does the same to Lennie, and ten minutes later, we are walking into the zoo entrance.
Once we’ve paid, the girls are already pointing out theexhibits they want to see. The decision is made to see the monkeys first, so we head in that direction.
Jason and I walk side by side in silence, and as the minutes pass on, the awkward tension grows. In college, I never felt the need to fill the silence with him, but for some reason, I do now. Though, before I can think of something to ask him, Jason speaks.
“Can I ask you something? You don’t have to answer, I guess I’m curious.”
“What’s up?”
“I’ve heard bits and pieces, but I wanted to see if you’d be willing to tell me the story of why you moved here?” He sounds so tentative, so worried, that I immediately want to open up and tell him everything, something that is no easy feat for me.
“I can. It’s really not all that great of a story to be honest. Long story short, Presley and I needed a fresh start."
"That must be the super condensed version."
"It is."
"Tell me the rest of it."
"You really don't want to hear that whole sob story."
His eyes grow serious as he looks at me. His tone gives no hint of argument when he says, "I really do."
"Alright, well you might want to buckle in, cause you're in for a bumpy ride."
“I’m ready,” he offers.
“Obviously, you know I got married. After college, I started working as an executive assistant in the Cities, and Brad and I were happy, well, at least what I thought was happy. I got pregnant with Presley not long after, and things were still good. As soon as she hit two, we decided to start trying for our second.”
Jason is nodding, not saying anything, but also showingme he’s still listening. I continue the story, telling him how I had trouble getting pregnant for years, and things started to get strained, but then as soon as we stopped trying, things were better. When I get to the part about finding out I was pregnant again, I see the slight twist of agony appear on his face. It doesn’t take much to know something happened. I don’t have two kids running around the zoo today with us.
“I had a miscarriage when I was barely over eight weeks pregnant. Brad was on what I thought was a business trip to Orlando, but I hadn’t heard from him outside of a few random texts.” I take a deep breath. “In reality, I don’t know where he was. Still don’t. He left me. Took me and Presley off the insurance plan, which I found out while I was in the hospital having a procedure for the miscarriage. He stopped by the house the day after I was in the hospital, told me he was done, he’d met someone else. It’s not something I like to remember, but he said some pretty awful things to me, and about me. He left without saying goodbye to Presley, and I got the divorce papers in the mail a week later.”
I don’t risk glancing over to Jason, afraid of what I might see. Surely, there will be pity, that’s usually what happens when people hear what happened, but I’m afraid there might be something more there. Something I don’t know if I’m ready to see from him.
The girls lead us into the aquarium section of the zoo, and I’m thankful for a reprieve from the sun. “Mom, look at this fish!” Presley shouts, pointing at a gruesome looking fish.
After I tell her how cool the fish is, I call both her and Lennie over to drink some water. We reapply sunscreen to the girls before heading back outside. The inside break is short lived, and both girls are ready to see the zebras.
