“I need to get more clothes anyway,” I mumbled, my head already three steps ahead before I could catch up with where this was going.
Rune peered at me curiously with a raised brow and his mug’s rim inches from his mouth.
Because of how close we were getting with each other and remembering small things about him, I knew he wanted to know what I meant instead of judging me like I was afraid others did.
With Rune, I was at ease. Like I could breathe and be myself with him and not as much of a nervous wreck. There was no judgment from him, only acceptance. Even at my lowest and an anxious mess, he still wanted me. Still loved me and thought I was beautiful. He still found me adorable.
The numbness only allowed me to feel a whisper of the memory of my chest tightening from my overwhelming love for Rune. I was worried about how things were dulling while others were doubling until it became too much.
If I reached out and touched him...
“I’d like to go to the store and get some stuff before we leave my realm again,” I answered, my fingers curling tighter on my cup.
Rune set his coffee mug on the counter and sighed out, “Elskan mín.”
The way he said my pet name held disapproval.
Oil popped like crazy in the skillet as Hlíf poured more of it in and flipped the chicken. Slátra peered past Hlíf’s shoulder as he hungrily watched the frying chicken. He muttered something to the redhead as he tapped his shoulder with his hand that held the half-eaten bread sandwich.
I wanted to laugh at the sight and how funny it was for Slátra to eat something like that. But I couldn’t giggle or anything. Only watch him with a frown while I nibbled on my bottom lip, turning my eyes back to Rune, who watched me with a guarded expression.
The weariness in his shadowed blue eyes didn’t go unnoticed. My fingers tightened around my mug, my gaze lowering.
I caused too much trouble.
Everyone sacrificed so much for me and did things when I asked. And because of that, it resulted in us being attacked.
When I asked Hluti to take me to the nearest town after we met, we were attacked on our way there. He took arrows to his back, and his horse was injured.
Because ofme.
When I asked to stop when it became unbearable to ride my horse, that resulted in us being attacked and people being killed in the last town.
Again, because of me.
I shared everything with Aaliyah when Rune told me not to, and Iknewhe wanted to leave quickly. Even without him telling me about leaving as soon as possible, I still knew, and that resulted in us getting attacked. And Aaliyah lost her life because of me. Because I asked to do something for my comfort.
Rune was weary because of me.
My fingers strained on my mug until it pinched.
Warm hands cupped my cheeks, bringing my stinging eyes to Rune’s concerned ones. I found him already kneeling in front of me so he wasn’t towering over me—like he knew being at the same height would help calm me. My chest was tight and my breaths were labored, but he eased it away with his touch. His thumb stroked my cheek.
“There you are,” he murmured and held my gaze a few long seconds before he kissed my forehead. He carefully grabbed the mug from my death grip and set it on the counter. I followed his hand before I met his eyes again. He continued the thumb strokes on my cheek, further helping my heart slow down and my breathing even out. “Beauty, you break my heart. We’ll go to the store. There’s nothing I wouldn’t give you. If you ask for my heart, I’ll rip it from my chest and hand it to you. You want my lung too? I’ll tear it from my ribcage by my heart because that’s where you belong. You want my soul? I’ll gladly give it to you just to see you smile again. So please, my beautiful mate, don’t feel like you’re a burden because you’re not.”
Swallowing around the lump in my throat, I gripped his shoulders with trembling hands. Everything around us faded away until it was just us in our own world. No one could hurt us here. No one would take Rune away from me, adding another tally mark of why it was all my fault.
I averted my gaze because of where my thoughts were going. He warned me that he’d help distract me with punishments to get my mind on something else. I knew without a doubt he knew where my thoughts were. But I was guilty and nervous about them. Rune already had enough to deal with. If he knew how deep my guilt was, he’d most definitely blame himself.
I hoped the next time I died wasn’t until I was old and wrinkly because that meant I got to spend a very long life with Rune. That I got to live through years of listening to his confessions of his undying love for me and how dedicated he was to me. I wanted to hear all the things he’d do for me, and for some messed up reason, I wanted to see him kill for me more often. I didn’t know why I felt that way.
I wasn’t a poetic person and never was good with pretty words. But I would try my damndest to tell Rune how he made me feel too. And how much his words of comfort helped me when I was positive he thought it didn’t. Because I was sure he thought he was talking to a brick wall when it came to telling me not to worry about things. But you couldn’t tell an anxious person to get over it. Just like you couldn’t tell a depressed person to get over it and that there was a lot to be happy about.
Wetting my lips with my cheeks flaming, I whispered as I ran my fingers through his hair, “I don’t want your heart, lung, or soul.” His eyes widened a fraction, hurt crossing over his face. “I want you whole and alive. So I can have a piece of myself in your heart like you do in mine. So it’s me you need like oxygen, just as I need you. And for us to become one as our split souls merge when we’re together. Rune... I don’t want you to sacrifice anything for me.”
His eyes softened as he held my stare, making my heart thump faster and harder. The all too familiar pins and needles pricked at my palms and feet as I tried not to worry about what he was thinking.
What he thought about me and my attempts to be romantic mattered. Even though I could be myself and knew he wouldn’t judge me, I still had a small voice in the back of my mind telling me otherwise.
