Since I made the mistake of asking that very question the first time we had this discussion and found out just how stupid that was, I don’t give voice to my idea. When she’s this serious, it’s best to just confront the issue head on.
“It won’t be forever. I promise.”
When she gives me a look that screams she doesn’t believe me, I add, “Have I ever lied to you?”
She sits down on the edge of the bed and sighs. “No, but we’ve been lying to everyone for ages. I don’t want to do it anymore.”
I push her hair back off her face and bend down to kiss her. “What’s this all about?”
She hesitates for a few seconds and then says, “You have no idea how much I wanted to be there for you when Eleanor got sick. I was in the same room as you, and I couldn’t show any support or affection for what you were going through.”
Oh, so that’s what the problem is. I can deal with this.
Smiling, I say, “It’s okay. I knew you were sympathetic. It was practically coming off you in waves the whole time you were there with me. I knew, so it’s not like you couldn’t show me affection. I felt it. I really did.”
Surprisingly, that doesn’t make her feel better.
She stands up and pushes me away before storming off, so I follow her down the stairs, the whole way trying to explain that I know how she’s feeling. When we reach the first floor, she spins around and folds her arms across her chest again.
Never a good sign.
“You think you know how I feel? Tell me, Marius, how does it feel to lie to your best friend? Or even more, how do you think it feels to be alone more nights than I’m with you? We’ve been together for two years. I agreed to hiding our relationship because I understood you wanted to keep things just between us. That’s not working anymore, though.”
I don’t say anything to that because she’s right. Every word is the truth. I was the one who asked her to keep things hidden all this time.
“In my defense, I’d say I’ve been lying to my best friend since I’ve been lying to Matthias.”
She screws her face into a look of complete disgust and walks away, so once again, I follow her. If I had known thisconversation would involve so much moving from one place to another, I wouldn’t have worked out this morning.
I catch up to her in the kitchen, and I’m secretly thrilled because I’m starving. As I head for the refrigerator, she groans behind me.
“I’m listening. I swear I am. It’s just that I’m hungry.”
“Not to worry. Thank God I make sure that refrigerator is always full. You know what I am? It just dawned on me. I’m your Eleanor. I’m the person who makes sure you’re happy, just like she did when you all were growing up. If I washed your clothes, I’d really be like your own personal housekeeper.”
I grab some ham and cheese before closing the refrigerator door and heading for the island, sort of creeped out about her referring to herself as my personal Eleanor. “You’re not that at all.”
As I search for the bread, she turns serious. “Marius, I’ve loved you for so long I can’t imagine my life without you. I can’t do this anymore, though. I want the world to know about us.”
Her words stop me dead, and I turn around to look at her to see if she really meant what I think she said. “What are you saying?”
She’s calm when she answers, “I’m saying I can’t do this anymore. If we can’t tell the people we love that we’re together…”
I watch as she stops herself, unable to finish that sentence. This is usually the part of the argument where I tell her it won’t be much longer, but I doubt that’s going to work today.
Maybe it’s time for the truth.
Walking over to where she’s standing on the other side of the island, I slide my arms around her and pull her to me. I’d be lost if I didn’t have this woman in my life. She has to understand that.
“I’ve never had anything all to myself like this relationship. Growing up, I was the middle of five sons. Our relationship is special because you’re all mine. I don’t want to share you with anyone. I don’t want to have my family in our business. Why can’t it just be the two of us like it’s always been?”
“Because I’m tired of lying. I love you. I’m starting to wonder if it’s something you don’t want to tell me. Are you ashamed of me? Is that it?”
That she can even ask that tells me she’s far more serious than usual about this issue.
“I love you, Duck. I promise someday it won’t be like this.”
Unlike before, she doesn’t spin out of my hold. That’s a good sign. I might be winning this argument.
