I watched as Nadine closed the laptop and moved it to the other side of the counter, her honey-colored hair catching the harsh fluorescent light.Something stirred in my chest.A feeling I thought I’d buried long ago.I’d been given a fifteen-year sentence which my lawyer got down to five with a possibility of parole after eighteen months.My brother, Wyatt Raven, was with the Iron Tzars MC in Evansville, Indiana and was not the family fuckup.He was a brilliant attorney.While I hadn’t wanted to fight the charges or sentence, Wyatt had gone behind my back and brokered the deal which I’d berated him for.He’d simply shrugged and walked out of the courtroom without a word.
Now, I was nearly done with my eighteen months.It was why I’d ended up back in Terre Haute.But after my life went to shit, I knew I’d never be able to have a relationship again.Not a permanent one anyway.But that Goddamned light of Nadine’s was threatening to swallow me whole.
When she started to signal to the guards we were finished, I caught her gaze with my own.“Before I go, Ms.Brentner, may I ask you a question?”
“Of course.I can’t promise I’ll answer, but you can always ask.”She smiled to take the sting out of her words, but I knew what she meant and didn’t blame her.
“The last day I saw you, there was a commotion in the OR waiting room when a family member had been taken to the conference room and told her husband had died on the table.Do you remember that?”
Her face softened and the sadness there made my fucking heart ache.I caught myself wanting to rub my chest to ease the pain, but the cuffs prevented it.“Yes.Mrs.Derek.Her husband had a complication on the table and passed away.She was devastated.”I watched in fascination as those wide gray eyes glimmered under the fluorescent light with tears before she blinked them back.“I knew, uh, they were going to sedate her and I knew she was terrified of medicine that made her sleepy.”She stumbled over the word “they” because I was the one who called for something to calm her down.“She hadn’t wanted her husband to have surgery for that very reason.She’d been afraid he wouldn’t wake up.But he was getting to where he couldn’t walk.”
“Wait.”I held up a hand to interrupt her.“You stepped in because you heard me tell the nurse to get her a dose of Ativan to help her calm down?”I tried not to sound accusing -- because I wasn’t accusing her of anything, I just wanted to be sure I understood her correctly -- but I knew it came out that way when her face fell and she actually looked panicked.
“I --”
“Nadine,” I smiled at her, reaching deep inside me for the bedside manner I prided myself on having developed early on in my career.“I’m not mad at you or think you did anything wrong.What I want to know is, did you deliberately ignore the rules because you knew how Mrs.Derek would be even more terrified if we sedated her?”
She looked at me for several seconds before nodding her head several times in a small movement.“Yes.”The word was barely above a whisper.
“That was the last day I saw you in my department.I didn’t see you in the hospital either.”
She tilted her head to the side, confused.“You looked for me?”
“I did.Does that surprise you?”
Again she nodded.This time, though, she was more confident in her movement.“Yes.It does.”
“Tell me why I never saw you again.”Because I had a bad feeling I knew what had happened.I might have to add a few names to my list of people I was going to fuck up when I got out.
“I broke the rules and could have gotten myself or someone else hurt.I was supposed to leave everything to the professionals.”
“Sound advice.”
“Since I couldn’t follow the rules, they expelled me from the program.Mainly because the hospital didn’t want the liability of a high school student getting hurt.I knew going in it would mean I’d be dropped from the class, and I tried to tell the staff around me.I told at least three of them.But when I heard you tell the nurse next to you to get medication to sedate her, I couldn’t let it happen.Even if it hurt me in the process.”
I stared at the girl for a moment.She was older and looked like she worked way too fucking hard, but that innate compassion in her still shone through.Fuck, this girl needed protection more than any person I’d ever met.“I’m going to give you some advice, Ms.Brentner,” I started.“It’s going to sound gruff and I’m going to look mean when I say this, but I want my words to really sink in because you are a singular individual, and the world needs people like you in it.So I’m apologizing in advance, but you need to hear this so you keep yourself safe.Do you understand?”I waited until she nodded her head again.She was back to the small movements, a reflex when she knew she’d disappointed someone.And I knew in my fucking bones she was afraid she’d made me angry for not following the rules.“Just because someone looks harmless or you think you know what they are capable of doesn’t mean they are, or you do.”I hardened my expression.I didn’t want to terrify the girl, but I wanted this to sink in.“Doing something like that in this place will get you fuckin’ killed,” I snarled my warning at her, knowing it would terrify her but needing her to understand.
She didn’t say anything, and her face paled.Sweat broke out over her brow, and I could see the pulse fluttering in fear at her neck.“I’m sorry,” she whispered.
I let out my breath and relaxed my features.The need to stay in character, to be Dr.Raven again, overrode my need to frighten little Nadine into submission, but it hurt something inside me to think she was afraid of me.Of all the people in this God forsaken place -- including the staff -- I was the one person who’d never hurt her.“I’m sorry, Nadine.Just don’t let your guard down in this place like you did that day in the waiting room.”I gave her a small smile, unable to help myself.
She motioned for the guards, and I sat back in my chair.“Thank you, Ms.Brentner.”I didn’t smile but spoke softly and gave her a courteous nod.
Nadine’s gray gaze met mine in surprise.Yeah.I know the warning was a dick move, but I wasn’t going to apologize.Then she nodded once before speaking softly.“You’re welcome, Mr.Raven.”
As I was escorted from the infirmary, the guard I’d been watching earlier moved to Nadine and sat in front of her at the table where I’d been sitting.He spoke to her, but she ignored him.At least, she didn’t look up or acknowledge him.Then I was moved down the hall back into my cellblock.
One of the guards locked my cell door before opening the small window for me to put my hands through so he could unlock the cuffs.When I turned around, he pulled a phone from his back pocket.
“From Knuckles.Said to check in with him.”
I took the phone with a grunt.After any guards in the hall were safely out of the way and I was on my own, I opened the single text.
Knuckles:Keep phone on you.I’ll call at 1am.
Great.No sleep tonight.Because I always slept so peacefully my first night in a new cell.Right.I guess Knuckles knew exactly what he was doing.
I tucked the phone beneath my thin mattress, mentally calculating the hours until one in the morning.Knuckles wasn’t the type to make social calls, especially not at that hour.As I waited for Knuckles’s call, I thought about the guard at the infirmary.Something about him bothered me more than it should.The way her demeanor changed when he cleared his throat, the subtle shift in her posture.I’d seen enough predatory behavior in my time -- both in the hospital hierarchy and in prison -- to recognize the signs.
