“Maybe.”She grabbed her lab coat and headed to the exam area.“When are they transferring in?”
“Any minute now.No one coming in has special needs so they’re not giving us our usual supply shipping time.At least, that’s what the email said.”
Dr.Martinez frowned.“I don’t like things out of routine.”
“Well, you’ve been here longer than me, but the change in routine surprised the shit outta me.No one here likes anything out of the ordinary.”
“Makes life safer for everyone.”
“I hear that.”
“Which is why you’ll read that damned file.”She pointed a stern finger at me.“Knowledge is power.You might not want to know what happened, but you need to know.This isn’t the place for you to find out someone you once admired is willing and capable of killing you simply for looking at him funny.”
“I know, but it’s so hard!I don’t want to know the person who inspired me to get into the medical profession intentionally did something horrific to someone else.It would be watching my hero fall.No one wants that.”
“Nope.No one wants to be shanked in the back either.You do your best not to judge people.I see it in everything you do here.But you need to consider that not judging people goes both ways.Don’t judge him safe when you have concrete evidence he isn’t a safe personnow.Being careful isn’t being judgmental.”
Chapter Two
Pain
The minute I stepped foot in the infirmary, the smell of antiseptic hit me like a damn freight train.It was the same scent that used to greet me every morning when I started my day as a surgical intern five years earlier.That scent had been soothing to me then, proof of how clean and organized my environment was.But now it’s a black stench, tainted with the putridity of this godforsaken place.You’d think after months of being in prison I would have been immune to the smell, but I guess some things just stuck with you.Besides, every hospital -- or infirmary -- had a unique scent underneath all the bleach and other chemical cleaners.This infirmary was no different.
I was escorted by a guard who probably ate doughnuts for every meal and kicked puppies for fun, but hey, I’m not judging or anything.He shoved me into a chair, cuffed me to the table, and disappeared, probably off to shake down an old lady or something.I seriously doubted he was capable of anything more strenuous.
“See ya around, Brutus.”I lifted my chin at the rotund man.He frowned at me, but I just grinned.I liked to pick one guard at a place and harass him until he broke.I was a surgeon and, if I was honest, I didn’t think I saw psychiatrists as “real” doctors.I’m ashamed to admit it now for multiple reasons.Mostly because I’ve been in places in the prison system where there is more true mental illness than I ever thought could possibly be concentrated in a single building, but also because I’ve learned a new appreciation for how a good psychiatrist could get into someone’s head.It was a powerful feeling.I had no desire to fuck with someone’s head -- much -- but teasing them a little was too fun to resist.The guards, anyway.Occasionally I’d fuck with other staff members or the occasional prisoner if he was a pain in my ass, but mostly it was the guards.
As I sat there, I caught a glimpse of a nurse.She looked like a tiny, curvy angel in this sea of steel and misery.Honey-colored hair pulled up in a messy bun, and those gray eyes that seem to see right through me.For some reason, I didn’t associate those eyes with a woman.I knew I’d seen them before, but for the life of me, I couldn’t place her.
“Good afternoon, Dr.Raven,” she said as she approached me, and holy shit, I recognized that tinkling voice.Then her eyes widened and she winced.“I’m so sorry,” she whispered, obviously devastated at her inadvertent mistake.We both knew I was no longer a doctor.While a felony conviction didn’t always mean someone had to surrender their medical license, doing so had been a condition of my plea agreement.One I didn’t fight even though my brother tried to get me to.With anyone else, or if I didn’t know this woman, I’d have thought it was intentional, designed to either make me feel small by reminding me of how far I’d fallen or to see if they could make me snap with mental torment.But not Nadine Brentner.
“It’s all right, Ms.Brentner.I know it wasn’t intentional.”
Her jaw dropped.“You remember my name?”Real wonder and a touch of hero worship tinted her expression.She looked more than a little starstruck and for the first time I could ever remember, I wanted to puff my chest out in pride.Because some girl I never knew very well was happily surprised I remembered her fucking name.Maybe Knuckles, the fucker, was rubbing off on me.I’d heard about him and his woman and how disgustingly mushy they could be.Only this wasn’t my woman.Also, when I knew her she was still in high school, in the Explorer program, a “class” in which the students volunteered in different hospital departments so they could see what the world of healthcare was like in and outside the classroom.
I couldn’t help but smile.Nadine had been a ray of sunshine from the first day I saw her in my OR waiting room.We didn’t interact, though I tried to acknowledge her when I saw her.She had been handing out snacks and taking family to their loved ones as they came out of recovery.It seemed like she had a natural ability to empathize with those around her.On more than one occasion, I saw her help calm someone down when no one else could.Administration had been angry with her for stepping in.She was underage and a student, but she’d been there at the time and had already made a connection with the woman.I didn’t see her after that, and I’d wondered on more than one occasion if she’d been moved to another department because of that incident or if she was simply finished with her class.
“Of course I remember you.”I tried to drop my “Pain” persona and adopt some kind of gruff, long forgotten version of the “Dr.Raven” she might remember.“You were one of the few Healthcare Explorers to come through my area who I thought might make a career in medicine someday.”
She seemed startled before she gave me a smile filled with wonder.Her eyes widened and she looked down at the floor.Taking a breath, she met my gaze again.This time, she looked more settled.Apparently, she hadn’t thought I’d notice her.Truth was, it was impossiblenotto notice her.
Nadine Brentner, the teenager, had been beautiful, but like a porcelain doll you were afraid to touch for fear of breaking her.I appreciated her outer beauty then, but it was her inner beauty that caused me to remember her.I don’t think there was ever a time I saw her without a smile.
“I hope I live up to your expectations then.”She smiled as she pulled a computer in front of her and began typing.“Give me just a moment,” she mumbled as she continued to peck on the keyboard.“Stupid thing locked me out again.”She gave me a sheepish grin.“I took too long and it thought I’d left.”She was muttering under her breath now and it was almost too cute for words.Mainly because I could remember her doing much the same thing a few times back when I’d had a life and an identity.Only thing she’d improved upon was that now, she seemed to need to stick the tip of her tongue out while she concentrated.
She sat across the small table from me.I was shackled at the ankles and wrists and secured to a bar bolted in the middle of the steel table.This might be medical, but I wasn’t sick or injured and the guards didn’t know me.No one was taking any chances.New face, new place.
As she continued her login, I glanced around the room.The big guard who brought me here was gone, but there were two other guards.One of them cleared his throat and frowned in our direction.
Nadine glanced at him before she looked up at me again.This time, her smile was still polite but not as welcoming.I noticed she seemed nervous now when she hadn’t before.I made a mental note and waited until Nadine was deep into her questioning about my medical history and such before I snuck a glance at the guard.There were no names on their ID badges, but I’d find out who he was and what beef he had with Nadine.And why the fuck she was scared of him.
As Nadine continued her questioning, I answered on automatic pilot, my mind elsewhere.Mainly I focused on everything and everyone in the room.No one in here was of any particular interest other than the one guard.Even shackled, I was easily the most dangerous man in the room.
The only thing that surprised me about this whole situation was little Nadine.My stomach had actually tied itself in knots.I was never nervous.The shackles around my wrists felt heavier, more constricting than usual.Some of it was because the guards here always made sure to take every precaution with a new inmate.The rest was because I was likely giving off predator vibes to their inner prey.I clenched my fists, nails digging into my palms.Shame I thought I’d rid myself of burned hot in my chest, but I forced my chin up.I wasn’t the man I had been, but I was still a man.I’d made my choices.Now I had to live with the consequences.That was the way the world worked.But my experiences also changed me in fundamental ways.
There was a softness to Nadine’s demeanor that seemed out of place in this harsh environment.It was as if the prison hadn’t had a chance to jade her yet.
As Nadine finished up her exam, I noticed the guy who’d given Nadine the stink eye earlier had backed off and now looked bored where he leaned against the wall.While Nadine’s attention turned to her computer screen for a few seconds, I studied the guy again.Yeah.Definitely a bully.Which put him squarely in my crosshairs.
