She shook her head, wiggling out of his arms. He let her go. “I know you lied to me. I know you betrayed me. I know I shall never forgive you for that.”
“What about the night we spent together? Do you believe I faked that? Did you think it a lie every time I kissed you? Every time I was inside you?”
She looked away, her face losing some of its color. “Don’t say such things.”
Deerhurst tried again. “Can you honestly say you have no feelings for me whatsoever?”
The look of hurt she shot him iced the blood in his veins. She truly wouldn’t forgive him. Her next words confirmed it.
“I would rather live the rest of my life as a pariah than share even one more minute with a man as deceitful as you.”
Christ, his chest hurt. Actuallyhurt. As if it was more than a mere organ beating in his body. Deerhurst backed away a step. If he didn’t, he was afraid he’d kidnap her away in a desperate attempt to persuade her of his heart.
“You could be carrying my child.”
Her gasp told him she hadn’t thought about that. Hell, he hadn’t thought about it until this very moment. He decided to be as blunt as possible, “I will not allow another child of mine to be born out of wedlock,” Deerhurst warned, deadly serious. He’d rather slit his wrists.
“IfI am with child, I shall consider marriage. If I am not, I will not suffer your presence again,” she returned just as bluntly. Hell hath no fury as a Sharp woman scorned.
Deerhurst wanted to shake some sense into her.
So, he was present when his friends discussed the list. So, he had made a comment or two. So, he hadn’t stopped them. But what about what hehaddone, how he had tried to protect her? Did that count for nothing?
“You would condemn us both to misery because of pride and stubbornness.”
She pointed that damn cane at him again. “If you are miserable, it’s because of your own doing, Deerhurst. I told you my dreams, my fears. You understood how I felt about deception. How do I know this wasn’t an elaborate plan on your part all along?”
And there it was—the crux.
She didn’t trust him.
“Shall I send my man of affairs over with my account books? You already have the betting book. I made no wagers,” Deerhurst bit out. He didn’t mean to be rude, but the growing distress swirled in his gut.
“It won’t change anything.”
Deerhurst grabbed the palm of her hand and covered it over his heart. “Do you feel that? That’s my heartbeat. It belongs to you. Every single beat. Do you get it now? The very heart of me, the essence of my soul, it’s yours.”
She hesitated, then said, “I never asked for this.”
He dragged a hand over his face before his gaze met hers. “You are not your aunt, Phaedra. And until you realize this, you will never be free of your fears.”
Her gaze narrowed, in their depth a thousand daggers. “My aunt has nothing to do with this!”
“She has everything to do with this,” he countered, feeling as though he had nothing left to lose. Why not just get everything off his chest? “And despite what may have happened in her marriage, she seems as though she is enjoying her life still, as we have both witnessed.” Her intake of breath riled him even more. “Are you shocked I brought it up, or that I am right?” Deerhurst asked.
She gave him nothing.
That list would forever be the bane of his existence. “Casting me aside is one thing, love, but do not lie to yourself that you’re doing it over that damn list. You’ve got something real in front of you, yet you refuse to reach out and seize it because you’re scared.”
She shook her head.
Deerhurst had had enough. He grabbed the cane and tossed it aside before sealing her lips in a demanding, torturous kiss. She didn’t push him away. Perhaps she was too shocked. He wanted this woman to distraction, but he wanted everything else too. Her heart. Her trust. Her forgiveness.
He tore away from her in bitterness. Bitterness at himself. At her. His friends. The entire bloody situation.
“I love you Phaedra, but I’m not going to beg you to be with me.”
With that, he turned on his heel and strode from the room.
