“No. You read it right.” But admitting thatbacked me into a corner.
He was going to think I was some kind ofserial killer if I didn’t start explaining. “When my brother died, I gotcustody of my niece. I have to focus on her and making a steady home life. Ijust don’t have the time to devote to dating and hanging out at places like theclub.”
I shrugged, trying not to sound toodramatic. “And maybe it’s selfish, but if I only get one night a week with him,I’d rather not spend it dating.”
Yeah, that still sounded a bit like I wasusing Warner, but it didn’t feel like that when I was with him.
“Why do you only have one night a week withhim?” That was a question I should’ve anticipated.
“My sister-in-law is staying with us foranother month or so before she has to start traveling for work again. Right nowI have help, but that’s going to dry up when she’s gone, and I don’t want totake advantage of her now.”
That got me another interesting look fromAsa. “My upbringing doesn’t give me an adequate frame of reference fortraditional families, but if she’s related to your niece and living with you,is it really taking advantage of her to make sure that you’re able to have apersonal life?”
When I just sat there trying to figure outhow to respond, he continued. “I’m genuinely asking. My family…well, I wasn’traised in a safe or loving environment, so my understanding of trustingrelationships is limited.”
Asa paused, clearly still thinking aboutit. “What do you think Warner would say?”
That was a good question.
Shrugging, I tried to guess. “He seems likethe type who would want to help his family.”
“I would have to agree, based on theinteractions I’ve seen between him and his friends.” Asa took a sip of hisdrink as he studied me.
I had a feeling that whatever he said nextwould be interesting.
I was right.
“Is a lack of trust the main reason why youhaven’t brought these issues to Warner?”
Before I could figure out how to respond,he raised his hands in a shrugging gesture. “Please don’t take that as acriticism. Most people shouldn’t be trusted.”
How should I respond to that?
“I don’t know.”
He waited like he was expecting more and itpushed me to think deeper about it. “I hadn’t thought about it as a trustissue. I’ll have to think about that.”
I’d mull it over, but I wasn’t sure trustwas the problem.
“Before you framed it that way, I wouldhave said it was about keeping different parts of my life separate, and aboutmaking sure that part of my life didn’t affect how Warner saw me.” As his pizzaboy and now his sub he thought I was sexy, but there was nothing sexy aboutchasing a naked three-year-old through the house because she’d decided it wasfunny.
Asa cocked his head again, studying me likeI was endlessly interesting. “I don’t understand. Why would your status as aparent, if you will, affect how he sees you?”
I shrugged. “A lot of people don’t likedating single parents.”
And no matter what Becca called me, that’swhat I was.
“We come with a lot of baggage.” I’dlearned that the hard way when the guy I’d been casually seeing around that timehad walked away as soon as he’d realized I was going to take responsibility forBecca.
Asa took another sip of his drink, and Icould see the wheels in his head turning. As he set his drink down, he let thethoughts out. “My frame of reference for submission is a little differentbecause I knew from the beginning I wanted a Master to control most of my life,so keep that in mind, but isn’t that baggage the type of thing your Masterwould want to help with?”
I wasn’t sure what his life had been likegrowing up or how he’d come to the decision that he wanted a full-time Master,but I could see his logic.
I just wasn’t sure it applied to us.
“Master wants to know everything that givesme stress. Wouldn’t Warner?” Asa shifted the cup in his hands, studying myreactions as he thought about the issue. “And if he doesn’t want to hear abouta significant part of your personal life, should you be submitting to him?”
I had a feeling the conversation hadwrapped back to the trust question again.
