I thought talking about the past would makehim think too much and he’d make me move, but instead, he pulled me onto hislap, just taking control. Yep, I liked that too. Resting my head against hisshoulder, I felt lighter than I could ever remember. “Yes, but it’s as good asI imagined, so I’m glad I stuck with it.”
Stuart gave a soft laugh. “Me too, kiddo.”
Instead of making me feel silly and young,I smiled and snuggled closer. “There are lots of ways to tie me up. I bet youhave a great imagination.”
Stuart kissed my head but shifted me so hecould see my face. “Feeling safe with me isn’t the same as wanting to submit tome or wanting to be with me physically.”
He kissed my forehead. “We both deserve arelationship like that.”
Nope.
Nope.
Nope.
“I know I have trust issues and I know youmake me feel safe, but that’s not it. Well, not all of it.” I wasn’t going tolie. “Yes, that’s important, especially since my therapist and I decided I’mprobably demisexual, but that’s not all I feel when I look at you.”
I just had to find the right words toexplain it. “You’re attractive, yes. But I see more than that when I look atyou. You were the only adult I knew I could trust when I desperately needed afriend. And when I was confused about who I was, you showed me that I wasn’talone.”
He groaned as I grinned.
“Sorry about that.” Kind of. “But I’veknown I wanted to submit to you for years. I used to fantasize about you. Butdon’t worry, I aged us up in my dreams. I always pictured walking up to you andkneeling and you would control me like you did Julian.”
I couldn’t help the shiver that racedthrough me at the memory.
“Though I was always taller in my dreams.”Stuart’s grin made me chuckle. “But if that’s the only part I got wrong, Iwon’t complain.”
Stuart ran his hand over my head. “Oh,kiddo, what am I going to do with you?”
“That’s easy.” I scoffed. “Tie me up.”
Stuart laughed, but something about thelook on his face sent a shiver through me. He flashed me a smirk before heturned more serious. He might be trying to be sensible, but he liked knowinghow he affected me. “Demi, huh?”
I nodded. “Gay-demi. I usually just say gaybecause demi confuses even well-meaning people.”
Stuart’s head bobbed slightly as if thatmade sense to him as well, but I could almost see the way his brain wasskipping around, touching on everything we’d talked about. “Alright, here’swhat I’m willing to do.”
He held up a finger when I started to grin.“I will set the pace for now.”
Stuart waited until I nodded to continue. “Thatmeans slow and lots of talking. We’ll go over limits and find common ground. Wewill also both keep all our clothes on until I’m more comfortable and we bothknow where this is going.”
The no-naked thing wasn’t a rule I’dexpected him to want, so I pushed a bit. “I understand, but I want to submitand explore things with you. Some of that means less clothing for safetypurposes. You shouldn’t do something like flog me or spank me if you can’t seemy skin.”
Stuart nodded slowly and gave me a lookthat said he was trying to decide if I was being manipulative. “How would youfeel about my agreeing to have your shirt off then? But not all the time. Iwant you to really understand what you’re feeling and what you want before wego too far physically.”
His words kept saying he didn’t want torush me, but I’d had enough therapy to know that he didn’t want to be hurteither. If he needed time to figure things out and to make sure we both knewwhat we wanted, that was what we would do.
“I think that’s a very reasonable decision.But Stuart?” I waited a moment until I knew more of his brain was focused on meand not just the idea in general. “You took your time earning my trust allthose years ago. You helped me with homework and watched the silly tricks I didon my bike. You listened to what I said and even what I didn’t. Hell, I’mpretty sure it was you who put money in my school lunch account.”
That made him smile. “Guilty as charged. Ihad to get into a knock-down-drag-out with the old bat that ran the frontoffice, but I won.”
That made me grin, and I leaned in to kisshis cheek. “Thank you.”
He ran his hand over my head. “If you weregoing to do better in math, you needed lunch. I couldn’t have you failing. Myreputation as a tutor was at stake.”
Of course, what else could it be?
“You earned my trust years ago and nothingthat I’ve learned here tonight makes me doubt that.” Giving his cheek anotherpeck since his smile said he thought it was cute, I snuggled closer. “I won’tpush you, but promise you’ll remember that I trust you.”
