Part of me wanted to poke him and make surehe was real. And not just to feel up his muscles. No matter what Eli wouldprobably say. Was there a reasonable way to ask what was going on withoutlooking pathetic? Would it be normal to ask him where he stood on hisorientation?
I didn’t want to seem ridiculous. I alsodidn’t want to look like I had no self-esteem or was trying to play up that wholeI don’t know I’m cuteroutine. I just honestly wasn’t sure what wasgoing on. I knew I was attractive.
As far as the other models went, I wasprobably in the middle cuteness-wise. There were some that were hotter than meand others who had a more boy-next-door bit going for them, but Preston and Romanhad both said that no one did sweet and innocent like I did.
But approaching the conversation from thatangle would look even more ridiculous. I just wished I had some clue about whohe might be interested in. Men, women, both, neither…He’d nodded at a fewpeople but mostly just read his book.
That just wasn’t enough information.
By the time Wilder came back over to thetable, I still hadn’t figured out what to do. I had to remind myself that nomatter what happened, having someone new to hang out with and do things withwould be a bonus. As much as he read, Wilder had to be a goodconversationalist. I could always use more friends.
Not that a part of me wouldn’t always becurious, though.
“Here you go.” Wilder slid my hot chocolateacross the table, smiling at me.
“Thank you.”
“So I might have happened to overhear youtalking about plans for a date this weekend. Did you get that worked out?”Wilder grinned, clearly adapting to the idea that we were both nosy.
I shook my head and peeled the lid off mydrink. “No, thank goodness, it fell through. Evidently, his mother found outabout the date and called things off.”
Wilder look stumped. “Was he that young?”
“No, he was in his mid-thirties. But hestill lives with her, and she’s evidently a bit clingy. I’m not judgmental, butit felt a little bit weird. And thankfully, even my mother agreed.” I washoping it would give me a break from her absurd matchmaking, but I probablywasn’t that lucky. Once she got an idea stuck in her head, it was like a songthat wouldn’t go away.
Wilder chuckled. “It sounds like you mighthave gotten lucky. I can’t imagine a relationship working with somebody likethat breathing down your neck.”
I nodded. I’d been utterly relieved when mymother had called. “Yeah, I have a feeling I dodged a bullet there.”
“At least it’s good that your mother istrying.”
“A little bit too hard, but yeah, the wholegay thing never upset her.” I knew I was lucky, but I also knew that she could drivea nun to drink.
That seemed to give Wilder an openingbecause he nodded and took a sip of his drink before setting it down andleaning back in his chair. “So did you always know you were gay? Or is that astupid question?”
I didn’t care if it was a stupid questionor not, as long as it gave me information about him. Shaking my head, I blew onmy hot chocolate before answering. “It’s not a stupid question. It was never asurprise or a big revelation to me. I basically just always knew.”
Taking a sip, I glanced up at him, curiousif he would lead into his own story. Wilder took a drink of his coffee andnodded. “Do you think it’s always that easy?”
Now that was an interesting question. “Isknowing you’re gay always easy?”
He nodded slowly. “Or bi, yes.”
I tried to think about how to answer hisquestion. I knew it wasn’t just hypothetical. Something in his face said he wastaking it very seriously. “Probably not. I know a lot of guys who questionedhow to identify themselves for a long time. A couple of the guys at work are bi;they seemed to find it the hardest, but maybe it’s just how it sounded to me.Being gay or straight is clearer cut than being bi or something less easy todefine. I know when I was growing up you were either gay or straight, therewasn’t anything in between. Even my mother, who was trying to do her best,jumped from girls to guys without asking if I might like both.”
I gestured to his tattoos. “Being artisticdoesn’t help people to figure things out any easier. I saw the drawings youdid. They were very good. Roman, one of the photographers I work with, he saidsomething one time about how beautiful the human body is. He wasn’t talkingabout sex, but it would probably make things harder to sort out when you’reyoung.”
“I hadn’t thought about it like that.”Wilder took another sip of his coffee and nodded slowly, turning things over inhis head.
If I hadn’t watched him read so often, Imight have thought he wasn’t paying attention, but I’d seen that look before.He would pause sometimes and just stare out the window or even at the wall, notseeing what was there but lost in his thoughts.
Finally, his gaze came back into focus.“Would you like to go out to dinner tomorrow night? I’d like a chance to get toknow you better.”
“Like a date?” Not my most intelligentquestion, but it made Wilder smile and cut some of the tension I hadn’trealized was building.
“Yes, like a date.”
I was being asked out by the sexiest, mostinteresting guy I’d met in a long time. I still couldn’t believe it. “Yes,sounds like fun.”
